Game of Thrones had "the Battle of the Bastards," MLB has the Yankees-Rays

Imagine this: The castoff, scrapheap Yankees - more a Mercury Space Capsule than a "functioning Death Star" - facing MLB's lowest, cheapest payroll... with the AL East at stake. The Hustle Bowl. The War of the Overachievers. The Night of the No-Names. Yanks v. Rays. 

But here's the catch: No matter what happens this weekend, the Yankees cannot lose. Seriously. 

With a shadow lineup comprised of place-holders, career minor leaguers and dead-enders, unless the team bus falls into a sinkhole filled with Burmese pythons, this is a mere proxy war. Cameron Maybin is not Aaron Judge. Mike Tauchman is not Giancarlo Stanton. Thairo Estrada is not Didi Gregorious. And Clint Frazier is not Aaron Hicks - wait a minute, check dat - he might just be better. And let's not compare Gio Urshela to Miguel Andujar. Not yet. 

Look at our lineup, and you see players that a year ago were dead soldiers left in the recycling bins. At least five current starters - Tauchman, Maybin, Estrada, Urshela and Luke Voit - were on the verge of selling car insurance. Frazier seemed headed down the "too bad about the injuries" path. Tyler Wade was a goner (and still may be) and most Yankee fans figured DJ LeMahiue was a rave artist into electronica. 

Meanwhile, the Rays are the Rays, MLB's most efficiently cut-throat franchise, a successful version of the Florida Marlins. They play in one of sports' worst venues - (by the third inning, Suzyn and John will be decrying the obnoxious sound effects that fill every empty moment) - in a city that leans to the NFL. They seem to do a cost-benefit analysis on every player. If by August 1 their team is stumbling, bet the house they'll peddle Tommy Pham or Blake Snell, or anybody who might someday cost them money - for whomever they can secure at the minimum wage. As usual, the Gammonites will applaud this plucky organizational grit, never questioning where all the money goes. 

Oh, and one more thing: They hate the Yankees with the heat of a trillion suns. Every February, they are chased down the Tamiami Trail to Port Charlotte, while the Yankees sit on their Iron Throne. Radio stations broadcast Yankee games. And this weekend, the stands will show their share of interlocking NYs - even as they are drowned out by vocal local yokels. 

If the Yankees lose all three - well, yes, that'll be ugly, and you better believe they'll hear gloom and doom from us. But really, the calls will simply be for Hicks, Judge and Stanton to get their asses back to NY. We have the cavalry warming up. And if we win a game... or two... or even three (as the Redsocks did when they visited)... Tampa will start frying in the summer heat, broiling within its own grease. The Yankees are playing the B-team. This is Tampa's best. If they lose, I sure would hate to be them.