Should we start worrying about what happens when the celebrity Yankees return?

Last night, in a minor league rehab game, "Lil" Dustin Pedroia went 1-for-5 with a single, waddling his way back to the big-spending Redsocks like a salmon swimming upstream to die. We wish him well. When the Pedo, 35, finally returns, big-spending Boston will bench rookie Michael Chavez, who since mid-April has hit .282 with seven home runs. Hooray for tradition! And good luck to the Pedo, who played three games in 2018. He and Troy Tulowitzki should go drinking, no?

So, the big-spending Bosocks face a question: What do you do with the returning celebrity, the saver of whales, the keystone of virtue, defender of the realm and beloved puppy face of yesteryear? My suggestion: Bat him third. 

But here's the deal: The Yankees will soon face Pedroia times six. Which means our clubhouse diva chemistry will soon go from Katy Perry to full-on, unmedicated, shears-in-hand Britney. In the locker room, where humble no-names once showered in peace, we will soon see gold chains and entourages. In the parking lots, jalopies will be replaced by jaguars - (not cars, but live jaguars, as in the Mel Hall mode.) The joy of rookies basking in their first spotlight will be replaced by the scowl of vets who are sick of banal questions. Change is coming - for the better, we assure each other - but the juju gods never give everything you want.

Over the next month, a wave of returning celebrity superstars will crush the DNA of the currently first-place Yankees. Some will help. Some will sting. Here's a list. (Isn't the internet for lists?)

Celebrity Returnee: James Paxton
Situation: Almost there.
ETA: Memorial Day?
Who he replaces: The start-via-bullpen. David Hale? Chance Adams? Nestor Cortez Jr.? Dopey Dildox? Whatever. (Or does he subvert our potential signing of Dallas Keuchel?)
Potential downside: None, really. As long he is healthy. (And we sign Keuchel.)

Celebrity Returnee: Giancarlo Stanton
Situation: Playing Single A games. (Sat out last night.)
ETA: Early June. Soon.
Who he replaces: Kendrys Morales. 
Potential downside: Little, if it's Morales: (Kendrys, we barely knew yee's,) The downside is if Stanton returns in a state of abject rust, or still secretly hurt, and thus he becomes a human sinkhole in the heart of the order, until they shoot him with lawn darts. That would suck. You'd think it can't happen. But knowing the Yankees, it could. 

Celebrity Returnee: Dellin Betances.
Situation: Throwing on 120-foot flat surfaces.
ETA: Late June?
Who he replaces: The weakest bullpen lug nut. The 25th man.
Potential downside: None, if he's the good Dellin. If the bad Dellin, well... David Hale could never do such damage.

Celebrity Returnee: Aaron Judge
Situation: He's running, planning to resume "baseball activities," whatever that means. Strat-O-Matic? APBA? 
ETA: They've set no timetable. All Star break?
Who he replaces: This could get sticky. Before hitting 2 HRs last night, Clint Frazier looked ticketed to Scranton, to play every day and presumably get hot. If Frazier is hitting, he could platoon with or replace Brett Gardner - an alteration of clubhouse chemistry we might not want to experience. Cameron Maybe would probably go. Let's face it: July is too far out there to project.
Potential downside: None. When healthy, Judge is our best player. But he might take a while to return to form.

Celebrity Returnee: Didi Gregorius
Situation: Almost ready for a minor league rehab. 
ETA: Mid June.
Who he replaces: Ugh. This is a domino drop of overachievers. He'll knock Gleyber to 2B, which knocks LeMahieu to third, which knocks Urshela to the bench. Or maybe LeMahieu becomes utility man - all of which send the exciting, inspiring young Thairo Estrada to Scranton, or to another team in a trade. I hate this idea, but we can't keep everybody, and this SS, Hoy Jun Park, is possibly the breakout Yankee prospect of 2019. (Hitting .333 in Trenton.)
Potential downside: None, if Didi comes back strong. If he's rusty and slumpy, that's another story. We could ruin a perfectly good infield.

Celebrity Returnee: Troy Tulowitzki.
Situation: Keeps re-tweaking tweaks.
ETA: July? September's expanded roster?
Who he replaces: Damned if I know. They have him practicing at SS and 3B. Whatever. 
Potential downside: Honestly, I don't see an upside. The Yankees promised him a shot as an everyday player, at least until Didi returned. They love him. He's a future coach, maybe even a manager. Guy's in limbo. They'll probably have to waive him.  

Celebrity Returnee: Greg Bird
Situation: Foot in a boot.
ETA: August? September? Never?
Who he replaces: Ryan McBroom, in Scranton.
Potential downside: If Bird can come back, more power to him. But the days of him platooning with Voit are gone. He looks like a trade chip, and as long as he's on one paw, not a relevant one. He must heal, go to Scranton, bust down fences, and even then wait for a call that might never come. Nah. That dream of Yankee stardom? As Arya Stark would say, "NOT TODAY!"