If the Yankees could bio-engineer the post-season, who should we soothe, and who should we stab?

If the season ended today... (O!, how I hate that phrase!)... we'd face the Wild Card winner in a best-of-five series. 

That said, our measly one-game home field advantage over Houston is like a presidential poll a year before the election. As they'd say on Game of Thrones: You know NOTHING, John Sterling.

Still, it's never too early to comb our personal vendetta lists and ask the essential question: Given the choice, who would we like to face in October, and who do we most want to see go up like a Putin missile test?

Here are the Top 10 potential Death Star adversaries, ranked scientifically, according to on-field talent, psychological stress points, body odor and existential threat.  

10. Braves. (tied) Young team in a football town. Facing them would mean we're in the World Series, and they're two weeks beyond Sell Date. Haven't followed them. Does Jane Fonda still lead fans in the Tomahawk Chop? 

10. Cardinals. (tied) Another Beyond Meat Burger. Bob Gibson is dead, and Tim McCarver is probably playing with Leggos. We'd face a vengeful Giovanni Gallegos, but - hey - they'd have to deal with Hot Hand Luke Voit. I'll take it. Mitigating factor: My wife is from St. Louis; if we lose to them, a year of shit. 

9. Cubs. It would be sweet to beat them with El Chapo closing. Plus, we still have unfinished business with Theo Epstein. (Isn't he related to Jeff Epstein? If we face the Cubs, this becomes our rallying cry: "Beat them out of respect for all the young girls that Epstein abused.") 

8. Dodgers. Best team in the NL, plus all the Kim & Kanye, Hollywood bullshit. Still, facing them means we're in the Series, and Aaron Judge likes hitting in LA. I'll take my chances.

7. Indians. Without Jose Ramirez - (broken meathook) - they don't look so scary. First contender to be kicked in the nuts by the juju gods. Would rather face them in a seven-game series than a five. 

6. Twins. Homer-happy - seven guys with more than 20 HRs. But as far as pitching is concerned "ace" is just a place with a helpful hardware man. Over the years, we've beaten them like a throw rug. Nothing lasts forever. Still, I'll take it. 

5. A's. They handled us in Oakland, but we were jet-lagged, right? That's all. Wrong time zone. But if they do it again this weekend, I'll start feeling a gonadal twinge.  

4. Rays. They hate us - more than they hate life itself. Every year, they distill this unadulterated hatred into 90 wins. We must always fear them, a little. Also, if a hurricane levels Florida, they'll become media darlings from the most obnoxiously self-serving lie in American culture: That a pro sports team can "heal" a city. If we face them with that raining down on us, just shoot me. 

3. Astros. Clearly, the team to be feared the most. Three Yankee-killer starters. Playoff tested. Deep as Seneca Lake. (Note to non-Upstaters: Seneca Lake is very deep, Loch Ness without the monster.) They will keep us honed through October, because we need the home field advantage. Frankly, I'd be delighted to never see them again... until next year.

2. Mets. I'm not saying this will happen. It's just - you know - GAAAAAH!  If they somehow regroup and reach the World Series, they'd be baseball's hottest team, they would own New York, and to win another tabloid back page, we would need to move to Montreal before the Rays do.

1. Redsocks. We can never again sleep peacefully on them. Remember: In this millennium, they are the windshield and we are the bug. Next weekend, we play four in Fenway. In recent years, they've owned us in September confrontations. This time, we can effectively kill their season. And we better do it.