The Paper of Record today apparently decided to start dedicating its sports page for the rest of the season to the Amazin' Men from Queens, beginning with a full page on their incredible drive to just short of the second Wild Card Play-In spot.
They then followed up with a riveting article on all the altercockers the Mets have up in Syracuse, cunningly entitled:
"For Syracuse Mets, Veterans Outman Prospects"
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/13/sports/baseball/now-playing-for-the-syracuse-mets-yesterdays-stars-not-tomorrows.html
I know what you're thinking. What a weird headline, no? "Outman"? Are we talking genital size here? Technique?
Oh, sorry. You were thinking, "Syracuse Mets? WTF?"
Yes, the New York team that defines tradition has done it again.
After 84 years as the "Syracuse Chiefs"—a term that sometimes meant Indian chiefs, sometimes rail yard chiefs, sometimes "SkyChiefs," whatever they are—including 11 seasons as the fondly remembered Triple-A team of your New York Yankees (looking at you Frank Verdi)—the team is now "the Syracuse Mets."
How new. How inventive. How brilliant."
"I think we really wanted to brand it with our logo and bring the Mets to Syracuse," Jeff Wilpon explained, adding, "I think that all played in, very much, to our decision to play here."
You go right on thinking, Jeff.
But what really stood out for me was this even more bizarre description from today's article:
"After home games, dozens of autograph seekers wait outside NBT Bank Stadium — a nondescript field shadowed by tall trees, weeds and random moving trucks parked beyond the outfield wall — with binders full of cards featuring Syracuse Mets players from their major league stops."
"...random moving trucks"?
Duque, can you help us out here? Is Syracuse, in general, filled with trucks that move randomly? And what does that mean, anyway?
Are they some of these new, computer-controlled cars?
Are they being driven by Dadaists, trying to demonstrate the random, nonsensical nature of life ("Syracuse Dadaists"? I think maybe I should run that one past Jeff Wilpon, I think).
Or...did the Times reporter simply pick up Our Man in Syracuse, El Duque, randomly moving his spy truck back and forth, trying to pick up the latest on any Mets farmhands we could conceivably meet in a Subway Series?
Inquiring minds want to know!!
How are "parked" trucks moving at all? The New Grammar? Perhaps the keyboard was just randomly struck. Quantum mechanics at play.....
ReplyDeleteGreat point!!!
ReplyDeleteBut I think I've figured it out. This master of clarity at our greatest newspaper meant "moving trucks."
That is to say, trucks for the purpose of moving one's possessions. I guess.
But that still leaves the mystery of "random." Why are they random? Did the reporter expect the moving trucks all to come from the same company?
Maybe, say, from Allied Van Lines, immortalized in the song "I Wanna Be a Lifeguard," by the Albany band, Blotto:
"Summer blondes
Revealing tan lines
I'll make more moves than Allied Van Lines!"
The plot sickens...
Ah, Blotto! Sarge just died this year, a sad day for Albany music. I actually went to a Blotto recording session that a friend of mine was producing. Blanche couldn't play the keyboard part correctly and was reduced to near tears by Broadway, who got frustrated with her. Felt kind of sorry for her, but that's what happens when you're paying for studio time.
ReplyDeleteBlanche was not in the band for "Lifeguard," as the video attests. Funny video.
By the way, that was a big Yankees win last night. Judge had a double to LEFT FIELD (omg) and Sanchez banged one to left center. Gio hit a hard single that hit the wall on the fly, too hard for an extra base.
ReplyDeleteAnd German was pretty great. But it was Baltimore. Still, 16 wins ain't bad.
I have that album in my vinyl collection.
ReplyDelete@JM "but that's what happens when you're paying for studio time" Google a band called "Even Worse" and a song called "We Suck". It's worth the 2+ minutes.
That is a perfect punk song, Ranger. Just great.
ReplyDeleteI remember the rehearsal spaces in NYC. They weren't that expensive, but it's all relative, I guess. You could really get loud in those.
How did I miss these guys in the early 80s?
ReplyDeleteHa! I completely forgot about Blotto. IIRC, "White stuff on my nose..." was a line in "I Wanna Be a Lifeguard"
Without Googling, I'll go ahead and also remember fondly that one of the band member's names was "Lee Harvey Blotto"
Don't remember Blotto, but I do remember Even Worse.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, I stumbled upon Pop-O-Pies' 'Fascists Eat Donuts' last night. One of my college roommates would play that every night along with 'Turning Japanese'.
"...Sand between my toes..."
ReplyDelete"I Wanna Be a Lifeguard" was actually played regularly on NYC FM radio in those days. Good times. Bad music, good times.
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