The only path to redemption for Domingo is to spend time in Limbo.
He needs to pick and plant flowers while remaining removed from public view.
It would be a good thing if he gave up the dating scene for a year, and spent his time laundering orange robes and cowls.
I am thinking he should join the Trappist Monks, where there is no speaking.
His retreat into monkery will, of course, involve counseling and readings from the books of fine behavior.
His fists will be anointed, daily, with oils of sanctity.
When again permitted to utilize his vocal chords, Latin will be the preferred tongue for him.
This will be another hurdle to his return to baseball, as Latin translators (who really know the game) are difficult to find.
If he returns to spring training in 2020, it will be necessary for him to claim that some form of god has forgiven him.
Perhaps he can get a prominent tattoo which conveys that message.
There is no easy way back for Domingo.
Nor should there be.
I believe he could get the same results, at a fraction of the cost in time or money, by buying a special charm bracelet in Coney Island.
ReplyDeleteAlso, couldn't he just do some mail-order priesthood thing, speak pig latin, and then pitch with a rubber mask on his face?
ReplyDeleteShit, I'm sorry. I have to stop joking about this.
I'm going to go put on the old hair shirt, which I have had to wear a lot lately, then sit in my garage and talk to the rodents. They know the answers.
That reminds me of an old joke:
ReplyDeleteI think when you die, your soul goes to a garage in Buffalo. —George Carlin
I hope mine doesn't have rodents.
Then again, what did George Carlin know? At least Rev. Leroy was a fake reverend:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgwvSTzWF6w
Hey! This is a very serious crime, which we know because it happened in a public place/at home and was witnessed by a "member of MLB"/houseguests, who cannot be identified, of course, and is now in the witness protection program with his entire, extended family and maybe neighborhood.
ReplyDeleteThe accused has now been silenced and commanded to break all contact with this employers, manager, teammates, and humanity in general, and disappeared to an undisclosed location, which is reportedly the deepest dungeons of the Chateau d'If. This would not have been the case, of course, had the suspect shot dead several children on the street, but it is imperative in a crime of THIS magnitude!
And now that it has been witnessed by an MLB official and reported to MLB, with no input from anybody else as to his guilt or innocence, MLB will conduct its own secret investigation and decide this public enemy's fate.
Which might be complete innocence! But in the meantime, he will be publicly named and suspended from taking part in the most important moments of his career thus far.
If found innocent, he will be referred to the nearest available time machine, in which he will be able to go back and get a do-over, and the crime he has already been convicted of will be erased from our memories.
I wonder if the person from the Commissioner's Office who witnessed this incident is from Boston.
ReplyDeleteJust wondering.
Or Houston. Or...QUEENS!!?!1!11!!
DeleteOf course they're from Boston. Probably Gammon himself.
ReplyDeleteDo you think it's significant that "Domingo" rhymes with "Flamingo?"
ReplyDeleteGood thought, JM. Maybe there will another "George Mitchell investigation into doping."
ReplyDeleteNO POLICE REPORT?
ReplyDeleteWHERE IS THE PLAYERS UNION ON THIS?
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR WHERE IT HAPPENED, OR WHO WAS THERE, OR WHAT WENT DOWN!
WHERE IS THE POLICE REPORT?
....AND IF THERE ISN'T ONE, AND THE INCIDENT WAS THAT BAD, CHARGE THE PEOPLE THAT CONSPIRED TO KEEP FROM CALLING THE COPS!
LESSON LEARNED!
FREE DOMINGO!
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