All season, we've held our tongues about the injuries. We accepted them. Miggy Andujar goes down? No problem. "Thankyousir, mayIhaveanother!" Giancarlo Stanton goes down? "Thankyousir, mayIhaveanother!" No screaming into the Abyss. No canceling our SI subscription because of the scantily clad ladies. We've put up with adversity. We've been jolly good fellows, dammot, which nobody - NOBODY - can deny. Bobzyercuncle!
But it's over. I'm tired of using the salad fork. I'm not washing my hands before returning from the rest room. I'm not putting the seat back down in place. Dammot... it's getting time to crack some juju god skulls.
With the barking calf injury to the virtuous and noble Mike Tauchman, coupled with the relentless daisy chain of tweaks from Aaron Hicks - (the hero of Minneapolis) - the Death Star is suddenly down to our last CF, stems and seeds, and he just turned 36. Not long ago, Brett Gardner loomed as a crowd-pleasing add-on to the October roster, but now he's the only living being who stands in the way of centerfielder Tyler Wade, or the semi-injured Cameron Maybin and/or the cast This Is Us. Suddenly, it's Gardy or flip a coin. It aint right, folks. It. Just. Aint. Right.
At the finale last week, when the Railriders of Scranton were trounced 17-2 in their last International League playoff game, the makeshift lineup consisted of 2B Gosuke Katoh (.267 for the year) in left field, 27-year-old Zack Zehner (.226) in right, and CF Terrance Gore, 28, who batted ninth, hit .164, and who was signed as a possible playoffs pinch runner. At bat, he's slightly more dangerous than Tipper Gore.
You've heard about "Next Man Up!" the Disneyesque Yankee rallying cry of 2019? Well, if Gardy gets hurt, there is no next man. There is only next spring.
Listen: We're all reasonable fans. We understand that mistakes get made, that nobody's perfect, especially juju gods who work long hours, get no overtime pay on weekends, and who hate their jobs. But if Gardy gets hurt, we need to send a message to those who are in charge of injuries. I wouldn't call for an Astro or a Dodger to tweak - say - a saddlebag. My love of humanity forbids such sentiments. I'm merely suggesting that, if Gardy sustains a flesh wound, the powers that be ought to at least send Houston a flash-dance with pinkeye.
Comrades, we've dealt this year with floating strike zones, crabby umps and an assortment of ailments that would make Job go vegetarian. That's it. Enough is enough. It's time to draw the line: If Gardy gets hurt, we go crazy.
if Gardy goes down, then we move The General or Didi to center. Not a problem. Merely an inconvenience.
ReplyDeleteThe only way Gardy gets hurt is if he is taking that calf ripping, torso tweaking, lat tearing, supplement that turns 36 year old ball players who should be fourth outfielders into career year guys with large heads and and anger management problems. So we're safe.
ReplyDeleteDoug K.
And may I add, since I did not participate in yesterday's game thread...
ReplyDeleteThere is a special joy that comes with beating the Red Sox. In this case, with humiliating them, crushing them, destroying them 14-5 in a 19 game series. Ending their hopes on their home field, getting management fired, filling their stadium with our fans, (Thanks Rufus.) making them look to football (and fuck those guys too) on the 9th of September.
I hope we win the World Series this year. It's been a great team (and really TEAM is the word) and I understand that one doesn't mess with the juju gods, but in order to win it all you have to pass through several gates, and leaving the Red Sox destroyed (with the added joy of the knowledge that they have a crappy farm system and no $$$ left as their top players come up for free agency)is one of them.
Next up the Division Clinch.
Doug K.
That was night. I awoke this morning with a feeling of deep contentment, as if some endless low-pressure system had passed or a big assignment had been completed.
ReplyDeleteSox are dead.
For the record: this is the first time any team has beaten the Red Sox at least 14 times in the same season since Crazy Billy Martin's Detroit Tigers went 15-3 against them in the 1973 season—a year when the Sox finished 8 games out. (For the record, Billy wasn't around for the last 5 wins, so I guess it was really Crazy Billy Martin/Sane Joe Schultz's Detroit Tigers.)
I have suspected Gardy of ingesting some form of monkey gland/HGH/ball-boosting substance for a while now. His head got much bigger and he got much angrier. If his sinews explode before the end of the season, so be it. That's life in the fast lane.
ReplyDeleteWe still have to win tonight's game before I can predict, project or prognosticate about any alleged post-season success or distress. One day at a time, folks. One day at a time.
If Happ and Paxton continue to pitch fairly well and give us innings, great. We need them.
My favorite thing about this season so far, though? It has not been built on the back of Stanton or even Judge. It has happened because of Luke, Gio, DJ, Gleyber and even ICS.
Time to go walk the dog.
Yeeks! Don't even mention... or even think about Gardy tweaking something!
ReplyDeleteBut it is now less than six hours till tonight's game and the pitcher is listed as "TBD." How the fuck can they run a team like this?
13bit, I heartily agree with you, although I'd add Tauchmann to the list, and what a nice surprise came out of that ice cream sandwich wrapper, not to mention Don Juan LeMahieu.
Time to have my pre-game nap with my head on Sam, my awfully large cat.
Realistically, should Gardy go down and Maybin be stuck with a damaged wrist, which I would peg at at least 33% between now and the end of the World Series,only two outfielders on the roster have played center: Judge and Red Thunder. They would have to make the best with that.DJ, Didi and Tyler Wade are not viable options during the playoffs.
ReplyDelete"Stems and seeds" I get that reference! Not sure if the youngs these days would, what with all their oils and edibles and pre-rolls.
ReplyDeleteDoes anybody who was alive and ingesting in the 1970s and even the 80s remember the phrase "dirt weed?"
ReplyDeleteDark days. Paraquat.
Luckily, I don't smoke any more. I did my share.
I remember "ditch weed". Is that the same thing? Like rail vodka, the headaches it would induce were of the splitting kind
DeleteAll of which is why we really really really really have to get Florial on the expanded roster. NOW.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't matter if he can't hit a lick. We have to have him making occasional starts and giving Gardy other innings off as well.
Do we really want to go into the playoffs without a centerfielder because Gardy got hurt in the 8th inning of a 16-4 win over Texas???
But hey, I'm sure HAL has some perfectly good explanation, such as how that will speed up Florial's eligibility for free agency by two weeks on that fine day in 2027 when he makes the majors next. Or, at least, gets out of Single-A ball.
It was not pleasant, fragrant, medicinal or smooth, but it was all we had as feral young teens in Yonkers...
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteI really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via believelovespelltemple@gmail.com a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
God bless you
I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.