Somewhere near the equator, where it's always hot and muggy, 16-year-old Jasson Dominguez's testicles are dropping further. And when he's not thinking about girls, he is hitting baseballs.
Dominguez, recipient of the largest signing bonus ever for a 16-year-old Latino, is viewed as the next Bryce Trout. He plays centerfield and supposedly does everything. We signed him for more than $5 million - about twice what we gave Gary Sanchez.
He homered the other day in some rural dirt league. His first professional home run.
So, if everything collapses around us tonight, hide behind the couch, clutch whatever Yankee talisman provides comfort, and whisper his name until sleep takes you. Someday...
J-Do is going to turn 19 one day, then realize she really wants gender reassignment surgery and lose those balls. She will then become the first female major leaguer - Jennifer Doma. Mark my words.
ReplyDeleteYes, someday he will be 17.
ReplyDeleteBoy, Houston sure looked vulnerable today. I thought for sure that Verlander was going to give up a second hit.
ReplyDeleteThey have the late game tomorrow, which means that before they even play Game Two, the Yanks will be on the well-greased skids, and nearly done.
And hey, don't forget: the over/under for Yankees strikeouts on the series is 45. I'm going with the over.
ReplyDeleteTHANKS MR.DUQUE FOR SPRINKLING A DASH OF HOPE AND HAPPINESS ABOUT "SUPERMAN" BEFORE THIS NIGHTMARE BEGINS.
ReplyDeleteMY BLOOD PRESSURE IS THROUGH THE ROOF.
MY NEGATIVE YANKEE SENSES ARE ON OVERDRIVE.
AFTER WATCHING THE ASTROS MOW DOWN TAMPA LIKE BUTTER WITH VERLANDER, I SUDDENLY AM TERRIFIED OF THE TWINS.
TERRIFIED.
TYLER LYONS.
LUIS CESSA.
STANTON BATTING 5TH.
GARDY 3RD.
TERRIFIED.
MOTHERFUCKING TERRIFIED.
I'm just an upstate boy, but why carry shitty pitchers when you could rely on the "good" ones and have a killer bench?
ReplyDeleteOf course, I'm just ig'nit...
Maple getting beat by the ash.
ReplyDeleteThose last two guys looked clueless against Pax. That's good.
ReplyDeleteI'm just worried about the two before them
ReplyDeleteJM, you're ignatz?
ReplyDeleteWuts dat?
Yer uh upstait gye? Eye iz frum duh hils in vermunt!
Eye dowint noe wut days tinkin eider.
I'm a Schenectady boy, my boy.
ReplyDeleteNice Eddie.
Stanton could not fucking take another pitch. Fucking jerk.
ReplyDeleteJM, head 60 miles east, turn right, go a mile and a half, look right. It's best to call before you drop in.
ReplyDelete(Yes I know you no longer live in GE town)
And Stanton is told to swing at ball four, it's the sabr-douches mandating it.
ReplyDeleteI go up to Mom's somewhat regularly, but don't have a car up there. Drat
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck? DJ?
ReplyDeleteCheap HR, but counts.
ReplyDeleteJM, If you're there next summer, let me know. I'll drive down to petticoat junction for lunch.
ReplyDeleteflailin' jennings is up...
ReplyDelete
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