Farce

Napoleon III had a tough legacy to live up to.  I mean, there he was, nephew to the Superman, the guy Beethoven wrote the "Eroica" symphony for, the man who would smash two or three empires before breakfast, and who does he beat?

Well, Austria.  And, oh yeah, he got the Suez Canal built.  A ditch through a desert.  All right, all right, plus he redesigned Paris.

But not quite, you know...the Superman.  No wonder that that heckler in the bleachers, Karl Marx, said in comparing Nap III to his illustrious uncle, "History repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second as farce."

OUCH!  Whatever you think of his economic theories, you have to admit our Karl had a way with words.

And now we have our own farce.  Take it away...Giancarlo.



Yes, there's our guy, "lifting" model Adriana Lima (I refuse to say "supermodel Adriana Lima" because when have you heard of a model in the last 40 years who was NOT a "supermodel," and this HAS to stop.)

Oh, Mikey, Mikey.  Oh, Giancarlo.  Have you really learned so little from the past?

Our "tragedy" was, of course, a certain somebody whose initials were "A. R."  Though, he wasn't so much a tragedy.

I mean, Marx called Napoleon I a tragedy because he ended the French Revolution and spent the next 15 years or so killing hundreds of thousands of people all over Europe.

While A-Rod was just generally kind of a cheating, solipsistic, unending distraction.  Who also won a couple MVPs and finally a World Series.  Without killing anyone.  That we know of.

But that farce part?  Well, let's just say Giancarlo is making a strong claim.

Let's compare for a moment:

A-Rod:  Those 2 MVPs and 1 ring, plus deserved to win several Gold Gloves in the field (They were awarded to Jeter instead).

Giancarlo:  Can't really play the field.  Can't really get on the field.


A-Rod:  13 straight seasons with over 100 RBI, 14 in all, and 7 with Yankees.

Giancarlo:  Drove in 100 runs.  In 2018.  Drove in 13 last year.


A-Rod:  14 seasons with 30 or more home runs, 7 in a row with Yankees.  More homers in a season than any other Yankee in the past 93 years save for Roger Maris in 1961; more ribbies in a season than any Yankee since Joe DiMaggio in 1937.

Giancarlo:  Hit 38 home runs in 2018.  Hit 3 last year.  Hit 1 in the ALCS.   And went back to the DL.


I know, I know.  A-Rod famously cheated by juicing, and really bugged the hell out of everybody by doing bizarre things like kissing himself in a mirror, and very ostentatiously dating movie stars such as Madonna, Kate Hudson, Demi Moore, Cameron Diaz, and of course his intended, Jennifer Lopez.

Giancarlo...likely cheated by juicing before coming to New York and is now going through all the chronic injuries that come from that.  And is now pressing underwear models.

You get the idea.

A-Rod, like Napoleon, was a serious pain in the ass who you really got tired of after awhile.  But he was also, at least, someone you didn't want to meet out there on the field of battle.

Giancarlo Stanton seems like a very nice guy who, when it comes time to meet him on the field of battle...will most likely send a note.

"Hey Russia, you know I'm comin' for you!  But today, hmm, kinda tight in the legs.  England, your time has come!  Just as soon as I rehab from this rehab injury."

And now he thinks some good p.r. is to be photographed lifting the model.  Uh-boy.

Hey, don't get me wrong.  I hope Giancarlo has an AMAZING season in 2020.  I really do.  I hope he hits 76 home runs, and drives in 200, and hits .300, and powers the Yankees to a World Series triumph, and even manages to play left field sometimes.

Seriously, I do.  It's the only way he'll invoke his option—for the last 8 years of his contract—and leave.

Tragedy, schmagedy.  But farce.  Oy.