Wednesday, January 15, 2020

We are designating "Cora-Gate" as the official IT IS HIGH name for the 2017-19 baseball cheating scandal

We're going with "Cora-Gate" because Alex Cora remains the ringleader and critical link between Houston and Boston's world championships, which will be forever tainted. Also, "corrugated" metal is used to cover excessively large roofs, and - um - there must be a metaphor in there somewhere. C'mon, folks, use your imagination. I can't do all the work! 

Some other thoughts...

1. Rob Manfred - aka "Mr. On My Watch" - should thank his stars that the Washington Nats miraculously rallied, game after game, to win the 2019 World Series. Otherwise, he'd be facing a nationwide call to vacate the outcome, and maybe Congressional impeachment. Houston would have won two out of three championships, firmly ensconced as baseball's marquee franchise. It would sure suck to be commissioner. Today, it's hard to mount a campaign to overturn events of 2017 and 2018, but if the Astros had two rings to show for their mean-spirited cheating, Manfred would be facing an unprecedented shit show. I wonder if he would survive. 

2. This winter, the Yankees have punished Houston more than Manfred. Those lost draft picks won't affect the Astros' talent surplus. The $5 million fine is barely equal to a utility outfielder. And no matter how much you personally covet A.J. Hinch, he's just a manager. No manager ever delivered a key hit for his team. But the Yankees - damn! - we took Gerrit Cole from them without coughing up a prospect. That truly hurts, though it'd hurt more if the Angels signed Cole.

3. Even without Gerrit, Houston remains Bull Goose Loony in the AL West. They have Altuve, Bregman, Springer, Verlander, Correa - (yeesh, they practically drafted first for five straight years) - and who knows how good Yordan Alvarez will be. (One of these days, maybe the Yankees should sign another Cuban star?) A new manager could unite this team under the public taint, and they could win their division by 10 games. Also, Lance McCullers Jr. will return. Could he be Gerrit II?

4. Alex Cora is gone, but it's way too early to twerk on Boston's grave. Redsock fans are whining about the deal given Chris Sale, who seems shaky from overuse. But they'll keep Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi could rebound, and Raphael Devers is a looming MVP. Forget about "winning the winter." Two years ago, remember how much confidence burst across the Yaniverse when Giancarlo Stanton arrived? Then the season began. All downhill from there. As stated above, no manager ever delivered one big hit for his team. Cora might be missed, but the next guy will be formidable - unless, that is, they somehow find another Bobby Valentine. If they can do a Bobby V, then we put on that "Dance Monkey" song that I can't get out of my head.  

5. In this ongoing tale of squalor, new Mets manager Carlos Beltran remains a bit of unfinished business. Thus far, the Mets seem to be pretending that nothing happened. No statements, as today's NY Post puts it, "at least for now." Good luck with that. They'll have to do something, especially after the bloody axing of Hinch and Cora. This is the elephant in the room - next to the 900-pound gorilla and LEGO statue of Stump Merrill.  

6. There are stirrings that the Yankees closet may have its own scandal. (After all, Beltran is a former Yankee.) My guess is that Brian Cashman couldn't be so stupid - filing complaints about others on what you're doing. But if evidence emerges of Yankee complicity - well - so much for his "Cooperstown" nickname. It might even end Cashman's era in New York. (People might start recalling the questions surrounding A-Rod's drug use during the 2009 World Series, which remains his greatest moment.) Again, I doubt there's anything here; an earthquake always brings aftershocks. But Cora-Gate's box is open, and we should brace ourselves for what flies out. 

7. Finally, by ditching the Redsock manager, baseball restores the name "Cora" to its rightful owner: the late wife of the great Phil Rizzuto. 

8 comments:

  1. Don't forget Little Joey Cora.

    The past three championships and all of the "achievements" of those teams and their hitters should have asterisks. There's really nothing else.

    CC is right. He may have been cheated out of a ring before his retirement. Maybe two.

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  2. He needs a large roof to house all the bullshit with that crimson socked team of his. Ahem... former team of his

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  3. I approve of the name, Duque, and will shut down the conclave that I had assembled in my fortress of solitude in order to come up with a name. Thank you, as always, for your brilliance.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I disapprove of the name. Tying the scandal to one man, Cora, who can be so easily (and has been so easily) jettisoned is a mistake. They shall not be permitted to wrap this blight around one man and throw it in the equally guilty trash can. We need a better name! With broader blame.

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  5. May we corrugate both the Sox and Asstros in the postseason this year.

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  6. JM, I will never forget Joey Cora. I can still remember how the umps, in one of those weird funks they get into, allowed him to run out of the baseline to first base on several key plays in the excruciating 1995 ALDS loss.

    I still call it "the Joey Cora Rules." It was really outrageous. That was as painful as anything Alex ever did to us.

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  7. I find #6 especially appealing, Duque - - might be the only way we can ever rid our team of "Coops" Cash-Puss, short of his rapelling cables breaking. I say, we musta' did it. Hmmmm.

    Boston/Foxborough is truly the Land of Cheaters. LB (No J)

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