The Yankee team decision to stay intact in Florida might backfire

"Self-quarantine." Now, there's a word you don't hear everyday, eh, Chauncy? 

(Note: A friend of mine argues that, somewhere in history, our definitions of "masturbate" and "floss" got flipped. For what it describes, "masturbation" is too technical, too clinical, too long a word. Instead, we should be... "flossing!" And for my money, "self-quarantining" should mean "experimenting with hallucinatory drugs.")

So, you ask, what does this have to do with the Death Star? (Hmmm, should we drop that name?) Well, yesterday, the work-from-home Gammonites reported that a low-level Yankee farmhand - a young Cuban pitcher destined for Single A - became the first pro ball player to be diagnosed with corona virus. Yes, he's the Jackie Robinson of COVID-19.

The Yankees say this pitcher was working at the team's minor league facilities - next door to the Tampa mother ship - thus, he wouldn't have shared soap with Gleyber and Gardy, so all is well, don't worry, no cause for alarm...

Well, if we know anything as Yankee fans, it is that there is always cause for alarm.

Two days ago, the Yankee players "unanimously" decided to remain in Tampa. (I use quotes because I suspect at least a few players ditched private fears for team unity.) It seemed a refreshing bolt of confidence. The Yankees were showing their commitment to winning our first world championship in - God, must I say it? - eleven effing years. And - look - I'm not complaining. It gave me a reason to think games would soon resume, and these days, I'll happily devour any hope the world flings my way. 

But now, we see the dark side of that decision: It could backfire. If the Yankees return home to their families, wherever they may be, they can each self-quarantine - (and, of course, floss!) When the coast is clear, maybe around May 1, they could start again. 

But if the Yankees confine themselves to one complex, no matter how well they wash their hands, they run the risk of an outbreak that could take down this roster. There is a safety in being dispersed. 

Of course, these are young, vigorous athletes - perfect specimens of health, right? Each should be able to shrug off this virus, no sweat, right? 

Well, obviously, I dunno WTF to do. Maybe we should sign Anthony Fauci as first-base coach? 

What I do know is that the Yankees just finished the most irrelevant month of spring training in the history of irrelevance. Certainly, all Grapefruit League outings are meaningless. But this pandemic added a special layer of pointlessness, beyond the magnificent meaninglessness of anything we've encountered in the past. We've lapped ourselves. We just swam in the ocean for an hour, and now realize we didn't know which direction we were going.

I've been hoping MLB could actually play games in the month of April, maybe for TV audiences. (The YES Classics only remind me of what I'm missing.) It would raise spirits across not only the Yankiverse, but America. Now, I'm not so sure that can happen. The games will place the teams, and their families, in jeopardy.

I'm old. I thought I'd lived long enough to see everything. I was wrong. Self-quarantining... now there's a word.