Today's (uh-oh, endangered?) Murdoch Post scolds the Yanks - and especially the cheapo Mets - for making their fans practically decipher Steely Dan lyrics in order to get refunds for canceled games. Writes Ken Davidoff...
[You] have to endure a “Where’s Waldo?”-type exercise just to find mention of refunds in the official statements on the team websites and then jump through hoops to actually execute the refund.
Moreover, both sticky-fingered franchises are only offering refunds for games lost in April. They're still clutching the money for May and June. This, of course, is how billionaires become trillionaires. Worst part: The Redsocks are doing right by their fans. Can Trump fast-track the A-Rod/J-Lo purchase of the Mets, as he's trying to do for vaccines?
The Yankees are faves to sign one of the top 10 cabana boys in this year's Latino teen-testosterone, stud-cattle, post-pubescent, swinging-dick, black market, turn-your-head-and-cough auction of human meat. Last year, they signed a kid named Jasson Dominequez - nicknamed "The Martian" because they'd run out of dehumanizing earth animal names - who was immediately hailed as the next Mike Trout, if not the next Jackson Melian, Jose Tabata, Jeez Montero, etc.
Wait a minute: His name is Jesus Galiz, and he is a - gulp - catcher. Let's hope he doesn't have a fondness for ice cream sandwiches, as did the grand obesity once known as Jesus H. Montero (whose legacy is now Twins pitcher Michael "Pine Tar" Pineda.) Oh well, a signing is a signing, right? This kid checks all the boxes - power, brains, speed, yatta-yatta... And get this: If and when they sign "Jeez Louise" Galiz - (the official nickname of IT IS HIGH) - he will immediately replace the great Anthony Seigler as - drum roll, please - the Yankees top minor league catching prospect! Wow. Better than Seigler! Pinch me.
Some Yanks are expected to return to Tampa next week. That makes May 1 - (checks calendar) - the new Feb. 15. That means March Madness is coming? The swimsuit edition? The new Bond flick? Can we go back and delete that celebrity group rendition of "Imagine?" Can we just drink Lysol - lemon-scented, please - and forget the last six weeks?
Actually, what this means is we'll learn which Yankee hurt himself on the home gym during the quarantine. Looking at you, Giancarlo. And to all of you asking the ultimate question: No. Plague Theater will continue. It is the new normal.)
Stay safe out there, you glorious decaying cranks!
ReplyDeleteAh, yes. Seigler. Wasn't he also the guy who could pitch, throw with both hands, etc.?
ReplyDeleteTell you what. We get him a banjo, a drum you can operate with a foot pedal, and three juggling pins, and we'd have a real act there. We could send him around to different minor league parks to perform before games.
Oh, wait: we're getting rid of all the minor-league parks...
Fake Winnie strikes again.
ReplyDeleteThe Yankees historically don't like guys who can throw with both hands. You can look it up.
Are you with me Doctor Wu? Are you really just a shadow of the man that I once knew? She is lovely, yes she's sly, and you're an ordinary guy. Has she finally got to you? Can you hear me Doctor?
ReplyDeleteWhat part of that do you not understand?
JM, I want you to know that the fake Winnie post that came after mine was placed by ... me! The real Winnie! It's my new tactic to confuse and misdirect!
ReplyDelete"This is the day of the expanding man
ReplyDeleteThat shape is my shade
That's where I used to stand
It seems like only yesterday..."
Hmm, "the expanding man"? Appropriate for a post concerning Ice Creams Sandwiches Sanchez?
Press release from Gary Sanchez:
ReplyDelete“You call me a fool. You say it's a crazy scheme. This one's for real. I already bought the dream so useless to ask me why. Throw a kiss and say goodbye. I'll make it this time. I'm ready to cross that fine line.”
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