Virtual Baseball: Blast Off at the Stadium If Not in Florida. The Kaat Came Back.

Three true outcome baseball reached its logical point of absurdity tonight, as every starting player for both the Virtual New York Yankees and the Virtual Minnesota Twins homered in tonight's action at the Stadium.  In a game that took 6 hours and 34 minutes, the Yankees had just a little bit more, prevailing by 17-16 for their sixth straight win.

For the Yanks, Mike Ford, Luke Voit, D.J. LeMahieu, Kyle Holder, Gio Urshela, Kyle Higashioka, Miguel Andujar, Brett Gardner, and Mike Tauchman all went yard, as did...nine of the softball beer league guys who play for the Twins.

New York starter Deivi Garcia was routed early, as was Twins hurler Jhoulys Chacin, who joined the Twins as a free agent for 2020 after being voted A.L. Pitcher Whose Name Was Least Likely to Be Pronounced Correctly while with the Red Sox and Brewers last year.

All of the balls blasted out of the park helped obscure the day's main news story, which was the canceling of celebrity noodnik Elon Musk's planned Space X blast off today from Florida.  The launch had to be canceled after federal DEA agents arrested Mr. Musk on charges of importing and selling massive quantities of "red pills."  His intentions are still unclear, though as he was escorted from the premises Musk was heard repeating over and over again:  "Hyperloop...hyperloop..."

Meanwhile, the latest guest replacement for John Sterling today turned out to be much-loved former broadcaster and Minnesota Twins pitching great, Jim "Kitty" Kaat.  He called a fine game, and at 82 was still younger than many of the Yankees' minor-league catchers.