Virtual Baseball: Deivi a Dervish vs. Pittsburgh. Talks Pass 100 Hours in Desert. Kubek Kicks Back at Yanks.

In a tumultuous day for the Virtual Yankees, the Bombers got an unexpectedly splendid six innings from Deivi Garcia, while home runs by Gio Urshela and Miguel Andujar, and three doubles from D.J.  LeMahieu led the Pinstripers to an 8-4 win against visiting Pittsburgh.

Garcia struck out ten, and departed having allowed only one run, though a noticeably more porous Yankees pen surrendered another three, and the Bucs had the bases loaded in the ninth before Zack(h) Britton struck out Bryan Reynolds, the best player on the tanking Pirates, to end the game.

Up in the new Kars for Kids Broadcast Booth, a plan by the Yankees to finally get some help for beleaguered radio broadcaster Suzyn Waldman hit a speed bump, rotated into the air, crashed down into a passing oil truck, and exploded into flames.

The Yankees had decided that, for as long as Suzyn's longtime partner John Sterling continues to convalesce/and/or make harrowing trips into the past to fix past games, they would bring back popular radio and TV voices to help with her workload.

Today, the program started when Tony Kubek, the outstanding Yankees shortstop from the 1950s and '60s returned to work the game with Suzyn.  Things went sour fast, though, when Kubek, 85, scoffed that he still had not seen a major league game since retiring from the booth in 1994.

"The greed, the nonsense, all of it just makes me sick," snort Kubek, who insisted on whittling on a piece of wood during the game, while periodically expectorating into a spittoon he had brought from his home deep in the Wisconsin woods.  "The Steinbrenner family has more money than God, but they've run this team like a bunch of Bulgarian peasants.  Today's players are juiced up idiots, who can't even hit against a shift.  Also, the umpires stink, video replay is stupid, and the ballgirls aren't half as good as they used to be."

"That's the thing I always admired about you:  you tell it like it is," Ms. Waldman complimented her new guest partner, while looking nervously around her.  "Look, I gotta get down there for the postgame interview," she told Kubek in the fourth inning.

"That's okay, I think I can handle it.  Nothing of interest is going to happen while you're gone, of that I can assure you," Kubek told her, while contemptuously stroking his knee length white beard.

Meanwhile, talks between Giancarlo Stanton and Rob Manfred and his minions continued past 100 consecutive hours, in their Navajo Sweat Lodge in New Mexico.  Attendants worried over the state of the talks listened at the door for hours today, but reported that the only things they could hear sounded like deep snores, or perhaps coyote cackles.