Virtual Baseball: Pineapple Hits an All-Time High! Jeter Downs Yanks! Bronx Goes Ice Age.

In a weird and piquant evening at Virtual Yankee Stadium, the Bombers "ingested" their most painful pineapple of the season thus far, blowing a 6-2 lead with two outs and nobody on in the ninth inning.

The late night meltdown wasted a splendid early effort by Yanks rookie Deivi Garcia, who outpitched BoSox ace Eduardo Rodriguez for much of the game, backed by a little long ball from outfielders Clint "Cats" Frazier and Mike "Walkie" Tauchman.

In the end, though, it was the unseasonably cold weather in the Bronx that seems to have done the Pinstripers in.  The usual, effusive sweat that poured forth from Aroldis Chapman turned to sheets of ice on his palm that kept him from throwing his pitches effectively.

After walking the bases full, Chapman gave up a game-tying, grand-slam home run to perennial Yankees killer Rafael Devers, then allowed a single to recent call-up Jeter Downs, an infielder obtained in Boston's Mookie Betts deal with the Dodgers.  Downs went to second and then third on wild pitches from Chapman.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Bronx is freezing!" exclaimed national broadcaster Joe Buck, while dirigible cameras seemed to depict woolly mammoths and giant sloths moving through the streets of the iced-over borough.

With two strikes on Sox first-sacker Mitch Moreland, Chapman's accidental screwball caused Moreland to swing and miss, but the ball got away from the latest Yankees back-up catcher, Josh Thole.

The Thole Man, as he is called in the clubhouse, moved after it as a glacial pace, saying that his rheumatism was acting up.  Jeter Downs trotted in with what proved to be the winning run, as Thole, Kyle Holder, and Luke Voit all struck out facing new Sox closer Colten Brewer in the bottom half of the frame.

Asked afterwards why he did not pull Chapman sooner, Manager Ma Boone confessed that, like everyone but the ballboys, he had left the dugout to stay warm in the clubhouse, and that he was too busy blowing on his fingers to notice the television.

"Hal turned the heat off in here to save a few bucks," Boone admitted.  "He told us, 'You want some heat, tell Gerrit to burn some of his damned money.'"

Boone expected Chapman's hands to thaw when the team goes south to face the piping hot Tampa Bay Rays, who currently lead the 27-13 Yankees by four games.

In better news, Yanks broadcaster Suzyn Waldman reported that she is getting on much better with her new broadcast partner, The Voice of Scooter.

"Sure, what he says doesn't usually have anything to do with what's on the field—but that's what always makes me think of John," she told Post media columnist Winnie Warbler, though she did admit that she now has nightmares of a yapping dog chasing her across the George Washington Bridge, yapping, "White!  White!  White!"