Virtual Baseball: No Gravy for Deivi But Yanks Keep Rolling. Tauchie is No Torres—He Only Belts Three!

The Yankees' alternating No. 5 starter faltered again tonight, as Deivi Garcia was bounced around early by the Birds.  But once again the Bombers rallied, coming back from a 4-0 deficit early to take a 13-9 decision, with Zach(k) Britton(Britain) claiming the win, and Aroldis "The Iceman" Chapman closing out the game, albeit in a non-save situation.

Leading the Yankees' attack tonight was Mike Tauchman, who had been slumping of late but broke out of it big time, clubbing three home runs.  His feat might have aroused more admiration, save for the fact that teammate Gleyber "El Conquistador" Torres had hit four home runs just the night before.

Still, there was a certain tension in the Stadium as Tauchman came up for his last at-bat of the evening in the bottom of the eighth and slammed a flyball to the left field wall, only to see outfielder Trey "Henry" Mancini just pull it down, out of the grasping fingers of three Yankees fans and two Stadium security officers.

"Yeah, thought I had that one," Tauchman said later to YES on-field interviewer Meredith Maracas.  "But you know, how bad can I feel?  It's just Baltimore."

Joining Tauchman in the unending conga line of Yankees home runs were Gary Sanchez and Mike Ford.

A number of Orioles and Yankees announcers, meanwhile, were heard to question the desire of the Baltimore team, when various O's were caught on camera in the bullpen, blatantly setting off fireworks, and giving each other mani-pedies.

"I don't mean to be presuppositional, but that does not look professional," acting Yankees Sterling substitute Clyde Frazier remarked.  "On the other hand, those are some sensational Parachutes and Aerial Repeaters."