Sitting around their luxurious, ultra-modern clubhouse answering fan mail and autographing baseballs for little boys, the Virtual Yankees were stunned today when a long, lean, seemingly agile Gary Sanchez strolled back into the locker room.
Sanchez, out for weeks with what was diagnosed as a shoulder pull, groin pull, calf injury, and aching back, seemed amazingly well and in shape. He was also able to speak not only perfect English and Spanish, but three other languages as well.
"I put it all down to the Goop," he told his astonished teammates. "Frankly, two days of that stuff, and I felt like a millions bucks again. Or, more precisely, the five million I'm gonna make this year. That stuff is unreal."
Sanchez did not reveal the secret Goop Lab sanctuary he had emerged from, saying he wasn't even really sure where it was.
"There's a place for Goop somewhere," was all he could tell reporters. "Peace and quiet, and open air. It waits for us somewhere. Really, that's all I know. Gotta take a leak."
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