Saturday, August 22, 2020

Virtual Baseball: Happ Slapped By Vicious Birds Again, Yanks Fall Out of First!

It was Strong Blood Lines Night in the virtual Boogie-Down virtual Bronx tonight, as a host of genetically blessed Blue Jays plastered starter J.A. Happ, 15-7.

Happ was hit and hit hard, from the very beginning of the night, by the sons of sporting greats gone by.  Vlad Guerrero, Jr., Bo "The Right Bichette, Brian" Bichette, and Cavan Biggio all launched rockets blasts in the opening innings, to build an early, 11-1 lead for the Birds in Bleu.

(Brandon Drury, grandnephew of "Advise and Consent" author Allen Drury, fared less well, going 0-4 on the night, but did entertain reporters with his political prognostications before the game.)

Matt Shoemaker, the Blue Jays starter and grandson of the great jockey, Willie Shoemaker, baffled Yankees hitters at first, throwing knee-high strikes with impunity, thanks to a frame that matches his granddaddy's 4-foot-10, 91-pound physique.

But after the Yanks adjusted and Miguel Andujar, Gio Urshela, and Clint Frazier golfed balls out of the yard, Shoemaker was replaced by former Yank A.J. Cole.  In the end, A.J. got the win over J.A., the teammate of G. Cole, though he did surrender a solo homer to D.J. LeMahieu.  Got that?

The loss dropped the Yankees one game behind the Tampa Bay Rays, the Joe Biden of baseball.

But most of the public was no doubt distracted by the wild events of this week's Democratic convention in Milwaukee, which culminated when rogue congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard and her Red Surfer Commandos, attempted to storm the convention center and forcibly have her declared the party nominee over Biden.

The coup attempt went awry after the Red Surfer Commandos broke into the convention hall's vodka cabinet and were soon incapacitated, but Gabbard was able to escape in a private jet piloted by James Mason out of Mount Rushmore National Park, and was reportedly on the way to Russian airspace.

After miraculously surviving the violent attack, Biden's popularity skyrocketed to a new high of 19 percent.



3 comments:

  1. I love this. Beats the hell out of the real news.

    And I’m beginning to think your dropping way too much acid. Keep on truckin, Horace!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, just livin' on reds, Vitamin C, and cocaine...

    ReplyDelete

  3. I really want the world to know about this great man who brought back happiness into my life again after my husband left me and the kids 3 years ago for another women online when i contacted Dr Believe he cast a love spell for me within 48 hours my ex husband start calling me and begging for forgiveness for everything that have happened between us. I was so happy to have my family back together with love again here is the email of Dr Believe via believelovespelltemple@gmail.com a man with the great powers you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348156148821
    God bless you
    I am very grateful for your help in my marriage.



    ReplyDelete

Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.