Thursday, October 22, 2020

Let's deal with reality: Giancarlo Stanton is here to stay

Now and then, deluded Yank fans envision the Death Star trading Giancarlo Stanton for an ace pitcher,  or a star catcher, or a tube of toothpaste. Doesn't matter. They picture Hal Steinbrenner giving a $50 million handshake to some backwaters owner who'll take Stanton and his earth-sized contract.

With Stanton gone, the Yankees could then rotate Clint Frazier and Miguel Andujar into the LF-DH slot and live happily ever after. 

Listen: I hate to be the Babadook here, but let's get gritty: Stanton will retire as a Yankee, somewhere around 2028, at age 38, with a nest egg bigger than Delaware. Cooperstown Cashman is never going to concoct a trade, and Hal is not going to finance the mother of all buyouts. Nope.  There is no Santa. There is no Easter Bunny. There is no Syd Thrift. We're stuck to Stanton like Ahab to the whale. Forever. 

Expect Stanton to be the Yankee DH, while we spend the next eight years hearing about the excitement of... Exit Velocity! 

In this 2020 reg season, Stanton hit four (4) home runs. Yes, four (4). He played in 23 games, missing most of the non-year due to tweaks. (He is always tweaking.) His abbreviated season was partially obscured by his hot bat in October - 6 HRs in 7 games. Thus, some fans now fantasize:

1. That Stanton, thinking he's King of Tits, will opt out of his Yankee contract and become a free agent. It's in his contract. He can fly.  But it would mean flying away from more than $200 million. 

Listen: The man's many injuries do not include dementia. Even if he'd won the 2020 MVP, he wouldn't receive such a golden deal in the post-pandemic world.

2. That the Yankees can bundle prospects, money and Steiner collectibles, and trade Stanton to some poor, unsuspecting team. 

Clearly, if Stanton is ever going to go, it must be now. He's 31 - still arguably in peak foliage. If he doesn't opt out, the Marlins this winter will pay the Yankees $30 million. Thus, in theory, some team might think it gets Stanton for a can of beans - Miami paying his 2021 salary - and maybe can bring a world series to long-suffering fans.  Looking at you, Seattle. 

(Unfortunately, the Mariners have a history with long contracts and ex-Yankees: Mister Joginson Cano, for example?) 

So, here is what's gonna happen. Cashman will trade Andujar or Frazier - and anyone else on the rise - and pay Stanton $30 million per year through 2025. In 2026-27, the Marlins will kick in $10 million per year, lowering our bill. Then in 2028, the Death Star will pay a $10 million buyout.

The year 2028... Florida will be underwater, California in cinders, Ivanka will be seeking her second term, and we will bid farewell to Giancarlo Stanton. Anybody wanna bet on whether we'll have a ring?

13 comments:

  1. If your guy winsEl D, I'm sure that Cali will manage their forest brush much better and China and India will stop building coal burning plants burning plants so that global warming will cease, because, Joe is so vibrant that the world will do just as he says. K I hope that I didn't hurt your feelings, cuz I know how fragile pajama boy Dems are.
    Godot

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  2. I don't think he was worth the wait.

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  3. Yeah, it's all the forest floor brush. Which is why your treasonous, venal wretch of a president introduced a big program to clean it off in the vast majority of CA forests that are controlled by the federal government.

    Or...could it possibly be that what he's really angling for is an excuse to further top off his hidden, illicit bank accounts with huge payoffs from the lumber companies he wants to hand the forests off to?

    Nah, the man with the solid gold livingroom couldn't possibly be interested in money. I'm sure he is really your friend, as well as the friend of all the working people everywhere, and the little forest creatures.

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  4. And sadly, you're right, Duque. He will be here, and so rather than make the best of that, Brain will make his signing exponentially worse by trading off real talent who will come back to bite us. Unless he has already ruined them...

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  5. I'm still waiting for the republic to be restored....more hope trauma...

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  6. You are a master of the obvious, on this one. Of course no one will take Stanton. Of course he will "opt" to remain a Yankee and take $200 million to the bank. Of course, he will be injured most of the time. Of course he will strike out 200 times a year, if healthy. Of course his presence simply means further and further destruction.

    But I don't care.

    At best, we are a third place team, scrapping to lose in the wild card round. At worst we drop to dead last. At worst, we watch Cashman get promotions, and Frazier and Andujar star against us. So what?

    Third place? Fourth place? Who cares?

    It doesn't matter. None of it does; We are the Knicks.

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  7. I suppose anything is possible: Clint Frazier was announced as a RF Gold Glove Finalist today.

    Considering how deep in the hole he started as a defender, that's quite an accomplishment. Good for him.

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  8. I know someone who can arrange an "accidental" career-ending injury. Anyone have Hal's phone number?

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  9. Local Bargain Jerk -- Frazier was always a plus defender before his concussion. His jitters in the field were part of the recovery process.

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  10. I'd say we should chip in and get that done...but in the end, this team's biggest problem isn't even Stanton.

    It is, sadly, what is always the biggest problem: pitching.

    If the U.S. had better pitching, even Trump wouldn't be a factor.

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  11. Trump is a factor? We are in deeper shit than I ever imagined. And if he wins again, there’s no telling how far we might sink. I’m thinking: Banana Republic. And not the store. More like BJs. Not the store.

    And I agree with LBJ: gods for Clint. He took a LOT of shit for his growing pains.

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