Virtual Off-Day: CAN YANKS RALLY FROM 2-0 HOLE AGAINST METS??? Also, First Family disappears while snorkeling.

While all of New York wondered and trembled at the prospect of the Mets becoming the new king of Gotham's virtual hill, much of the rest of America's attention was diverted by reports that the entire Trump family—the president, first lady, Donald, Jr., Fredo, Ivanka, Tiffany, Barron, and all of their assorted spouses, paramours, goomahs, retinue, servants, and minions, including Hope Hicks, Rudy Giuliani, William Barr, Steve Mnuchin, Kellyanne Conway, Roger Stone, Ben Carson, and others too boring to name—disappeared while on a virtual, early morning snorkeling excursion off Montauk.

While the Trumps and friends had developed a puzzling obsession with snorkeling in recent months, few were alarmed by their decision to go exploring the waters of eastern Long Island. The seas were not very choppy, and the days have been unusually warm of late.

Reports have been circulating that the U.S. Navy spotted unprecedented submarine activity in the area by an unnamed foreign power of late, but these could not be confirmed. Just which foreign power is involved remains a matter of speculation, but a local resident told police that suspicious looking characters in naval costume were roaming the streets of the little resort town early this morning.

"They would come up to you, three or four at a time, in their unmarked sailors caps and coats, and say, 'Emergency, emergency! Everyone must get from street!' " said Whittaker Walt, a television writer who had walked out for breakfast with his drop-dead gorgeous blonde wife and daughter, and badly spoiled young son.  

"I tell ya, we didn't like the looks of it, but we got off the street!"

Other Montaukers noticed the suspicious mariners as well, who had heavy foreign accents and seemed to be stopping every third individual or family they saw. Whether this could have any connection to the baffling disappearance of most of the executive branch remains as murky as the Yankees' pitching staff after Gerrit Cole.