Statistically, he is a doppelganger to the following sidecar of nonentities:
Michael Saunders, Eric Anthony, Gregory Polanco, Gary Geiger, Max Kepler, Rick Ankiel, Glenn Braggs, Roger Repoz... Aaron Hicks.
To sum up his career in a catchy phrase: Gets hot, gets hurt.
The Yankees have him on contract through 2026, at about $10 million per season. He is 31. And, well, here we go again...
Hicks is hitting .194 after warming - (8 for 24, .333) - over the last two weeks. He seemed to be improving, until we hit Tampa. Turns out, he has a slightly torn sheath in his wrist - who knew wrists have sheaths! - and he'll either play in pain or undergo surgery, and start prepping for a big comeback in 2022.
It's the Hicks we knew. Gets hot, gets hurt.
It's his signature move. Gets hot, gets hurt.
You can't predict baseball, Suzyn, but you can predict Aaron Hicks. Gets hot, gets hurt.
Aaron Hicks and his Hurt Licks.
Now, let me be clear: Hicks is not a malingerer, a faker or a bad teammate. It's not his fault that he gets hurt. Last night, when Gio Urshela homered to save the season - it's always the season - Hicks cheered wildly from the dugout, when who could blame him if he were home in the kitchen, writing poetry with the gas jets blowing. A few years back, remember that night in Minnesota when he saved the season - it's always the season - with a diving catch, after homering to give us the lead? It was a miracle performance, and years from now, when Hicks steps out at Old Timers Day, that catch should play on the Jumbotron.
And that can be his next appearance as a Yankee.
He should have the surgery. The Yankees do not need a .194 hitter who is nursing a bad wrist, to boot. Besides, it's time for the Yankees to move on. We need a defensive CF who covers ground and steals bases. And Hicks needs a fresh start in a new town.
Last night, the word "Tauchman" began trending on twitter. It represented the collective fury of thousands of Yank fans, foaming over why the Yankees traded Mike Tauchman two weeks ago, when they should have known better.
Frankly, I think the Yankees just gave up on Tauchman, a trusty soul who never recaptured the magic of 2019, when he looked like the Second Coming of Paul O'Neill. But the Twitter mob was right: One of Cooperstown Cashman's worst miscalculations of 2021 was in believing Aaron Hicks could play 100 games and bat third. It almost looks absurd. What was he thinking?
So, it's mid-May, and the Yankees have a huge hole to plug. Estevan Florial - now 23 - has been promoted to Scranton. He covers ground, but fans at a rate worse worse than Hicks. The current Railrider CF - 28-year-old journeyman Greg Allen - went 1-4 last night with two strikeouts. Buried at high Single A is Tommy Milone, 26, off to a hot start. They all can field. After that, good luck.
Somewhere out there, in a scrap heap near you, the next Yankee CF is taking BP. On June 1, a bunch of minor league players with opt-out clauses in their contracts will be getting calls from the Yankees. And Aaron Hicks will be a memory.
RE: Aaron Hicks and his Hurt Llcks
ReplyDeleteA quick dive into Dan Hicks dicography is revealing of just how accurate you are.
Where's The Money? (1971)
Striking It Rich (1972)
Last Train to Hicksville (1973)
The Amazing Charlatans (1996)
and
Get's Hot. Get's Hurt (2021)
OK not the last one, but it really is a good title for an album.
Doug K.
By the way Starling Marte, Who I've always liked, has fractured ribs and is out until early June is in his walk year with the Marlins. I wonder if he could be gotten for a pittance.
ReplyDeleteThis is a rest of the year move if Hicks is done. He was batting .316 before he got hurt.
Doug K.
Aaron Hicks and his Hurt Licks is hysterical! Bravo!!!
ReplyDeleteLet's not forget...
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away
Duque...you are 100% correct. Great analysis today!
ReplyDeleteAndujar would be a great option covering CF....but only if he were part of the grounds crew.
Exit,
ReplyDeleteGood one.
And, a good song as well.
Doug K.
I think we see why Florial was next-day shipped to AAA. They believe he can figure it out...he's a talented player so lets see what happens. If this was the case all along, no wonder they shipped out Tauchman...
ReplyDeleteThey shipped Tauchman because they are idiots.
ReplyDeleteLeave us not forget "I Scare Myself," which may be true of our inexplicably-contracted center fielder.
ReplyDeleteOr, to paraphrase John Fogerty, don't put me in, coach. I'm not ready to play today.
At least we won't have to hear Suzyn saying she spoke to Hicks, and he "thinks he's almost there"
ReplyDeleteWait...doesn't Jessica Dominguez play CF?
ReplyDeleteIsn't he already better than Mike Trout? Doesn't he compare, already to Micky Mantle?
Bring him up. Why wait the mandatory 6 years?
Great is great.
Cashman had to make a choice between Tauchman and Gardner. Gardner has more value because is is considered a team leader. I agree that Hicks must go. Sanchez has worn out his welcome as well. I would love to see Florial get a shot.
ReplyDeleteI agree on Florial. He's 23—and in his 7th year of organized ball. Time to find out if there's anything there.
ReplyDeleteI don't think AnDUjar can play center, either. But let's use this opportunity to find out if he can play left field. Might not be bad to see if the Quickly Sinking Frazier can play center.
The best moments of the last five seasons have usually come when the Superstars-to-Be have got hurt, and we got to see the kids—or Brain's dumpster dives—playing for their lives.
Time to do that again.
ReplyDeleteHorace, Hicks does not qualify as a superstar. Or a to-be. More like a not-to-be.
And Gardner is going to center. Boone has no imagination as a manager, even though your suggestion to use Frazier in CF is the right call.
Left field is a no-brainer. If Greg Luzinski could win a championship playing left field, ANYBODY can play left field, providing they hit.
Wouldn't it be nice to see Florial get a call though?
They should have kept Tauchman and released Gardner. Why they even re-signed Gardner when they had Tauchmen is another testament to the rampant stupidity in the Yankee executive suites.
ReplyDeleteFlorial has been road blocked for years...he's one of our top 5 prospects...as Bruce Buffer would say...IT'S TIME!!!!
ReplyDeleteAgreed about Florial. He would have been in the majors two years ago with any other organization. The Yankees promote their prospects at a glacial pace.
ReplyDeleteTauchman's hitting .224, OPS under .300. Let's not carried away with whatifs re Tauchman.
ReplyDeleteTauchman is not a great player, but he's a very valuable fourth outfielder. He can do everything Gardner can do and has a better arm--and is SEVEN YEARS YOUNGER. Gardner sucks at this point. His presence on the team is a sentimental indulgence, not a sound baseball decision.
ReplyDeleteOh, and Publius--learn how to read baseball stats. Tachmans' OPS is .587--not great, to be sure, but not "under .300," as you erroneously report, and markedly better than Gardner's abysmal OPS of .483. Time to get a clue, Publius.
ReplyDeleteYou're hired, anonymous. The firm needs entry level proofreaders. Don't worry. I put in a good word with the hiring committee. Sure, your abysmal people skills are a concern, but the labor market's tight. You're not allowed near clients, though.
ReplyDeleteOscar Gamble is pitching for the toilet-bowls.
ReplyDeleteAnd Publius, there is space in storage room B for new hires.
How in Sam Hill can Frazier play in center when he's horrible in left? And the Holy Book of Metrics back me up, one of the worst in baseball. As for 'anyone can play left', no, not in Yankee Stadium. Yeah Luzinki could have handled Fenway, even the Village Idiot Manny could visually get away with playing out there. Look, I KNOW that we all feel akin to the sailors on the Bismarck. But at this point, using what we have, bringing Florial up to see if he can steal a few runs on defense is probably about it. If he can't by now, he never will. Maybe he can even hit. BTW, this fanboy love of Wade has become bizarre. There are probably close to seven-five scattered around who as good or better.
ReplyDeleteThings appear to be going swimmingly!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I took my Lovely and Delightful Partner for margaritas. Later this evening if all goes well we shall scissor!! Tribbing rules.
ReplyDeleteFeel akin to the sailors on the Bismarck. That's genius. Except the Kriegmarine got what they deserved. We're getting a tiny bit more than we deserve.
ReplyDeleteBats coming along nicely…
ReplyDelete@Winwarblist, LMAO, and back at you!
ReplyDeleteWalking the first batter…3rd time through the order…
ReplyDeleteAll this history is making my cranium hurt.
ReplyDeleteNow, did we panic when the Germans bombed pearl harbor? NO!
And it's nice to see our shortstop of the future hitting well tonight. Or at least:
Don't Panic!
Why bat Voit in the two hole, just coming back from knee surgery. Boone really is under the thumb of Big Silicone to make a move like that. I have to wonder how much Thorazine Boone must be on to take an imbecilic, degrading job like that.
ReplyDeleteRufus, you're right. It's time to become...comfortably numb.
ReplyDeleteKevin,
ReplyDeleteToo late. It *is* Saturday night.
I've had two frozen margaritas. You can get "to go" alcoholic beverages in NY now. All hail the glory of SARS CoV2.
ReplyDeleteRufus, see? I'm already There...
ReplyDeleteIt's so late, I'm starting to hear voices from the Babel fish.
ReplyDeleteOn a contrary note. I really wish Uncle Kenny would announce more games. But I'll accept the limited blessing of getting him occasionally.
Even so, it is time for staring at my eyelids.
Just popped into my skull. Florial is deemed a 4-5 "tool prospect". One leeetle problem though. He has trouble picking up and identifying the spin of the ball. Other than that the club is trying to destroy yet another young player's career. He should still get brought up for defense. Unless he's developed myopia.
ReplyDeleteHey Kevin--you don't know shit about Florial or anyone else's batting skills. You're bluffing. You're an insufferable fraud and asshole. Go away.
ReplyDeletePublius--PROOFREADER? You can't even fucking READ. Or don't bother trying. You just pull random numbers out of your ass to sound authoritative until someone who knows more than you exposes you as a pompous fraud. Just shut up. You're just another blight on the blog. You don't know shit, you're dishonest, and YOUR people skills--attacking people when they expose your fraudulence--are just LOVELY.
ReplyDeleteIt's so edifying to see the two premiere assholes of the blog--Firefly and Kevin--taking succor from each others' dicks.
ReplyDelete"Blight on the blog" shows promise, anonymous. Middlebrow, maybe even a bit obvious, but a laudable effort. The all caps have to go, though. Unacceptable.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if Frazier can play center, Kevin, and I very much doubt it. But I think it's time to see what everyone can do. Hey, there are fewer things to run into out there.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, above all, bring up Florial. Why not?
Dick Allen, I agree about Hicks not being a superstar. I was thinking more of all the others guys with seemingly unlimited potential who have since flopped or been chronically injured.
ReplyDeleteBut Hicks did once have great potential. He was a first-round draft pick—which to Cashman makes him a superstar forever—and every now and then you do see flashes of somebody who might have been a star.
You are right: it is time to move on.
Publius, who can't even read a fucking stat sheet and makes up asinine excuses about "proofreading" when exposed for the fraud he is, strains to strike a pose of hauteur to deflect attention from his ineptitude and dishonesty. Nice try, imbecile! And exactly what is your idea of "highbrow," genius--mistaking .300 for .587? In most circles, that's considered mental retardation. And the Latin affectation of the nic--you're really a low specimen of mediocrity and stupidity, all gussied up with his sweaty, embarrassed, desperate fantasies of being REALLY SMART even though you can't parse a few simple percentages and no more can distinguish OPS from OBP than your ass from your elbow. Sorry, "Publius" (LOL!) you're just another inept dumbass. NEXT!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, MORON (aka "Pubius")--the all caps are for emphasis since the blog doesn't allow for italics. Any more evidence needed of your essential idiocy? Nope. QED.
ReplyDeleteHey Pubius--tell us all about even one book you've read on the subject of baseball analytics--just one. C'mon, wow us with your Olympian highbrow erudition (preferably a book where the authors, unlike you, know the difference between OBP and OPS). C'mon, imbecile, really WOW us.
ReplyDeleteHey, Pubius--with your fixation on distinctions of highbrow and middlebrow, you're probably about as old as Alexander Hamilton. Really--just the sort of nauseating affectation and identification with the power elite that marks you out as an octeganarian reactionary pig. Fuck off, piece of shit. And ever consider having cataract surgery on your shriveled eyes so you can read a stat sheet, gramps?
ReplyDeleteoctogenarian--typo, gramps
ReplyDeleteOh--and shove this up your pompous ass, you sniveling fraud "Pubius."
ReplyDeletehttps://www.counterpunch.org/2015/08/21/hamilton-the-musical-black-actors-dress-up-like-slave-tradersand-its-not-halloween/
Bring back moderation. Stat baby is back.
ReplyDeleteYes--bring back moderation for you, ya' diseased malicious flame addict.
ReplyDeleteHey, Pubius--you might be able to get your shriveled grandpa eyes patched up, but what about your shriveled grandpa dick? I think that's a done deal. Sorry, Gramps.
ReplyDeleteHey Flame Addict--why don't you treat us to one of your deranged rants of contempt for struggling food-service workers and the other wretched of the earth that you despise? Let's have it, Psycho Boy.
ReplyDeleteHave your acne meds destabilized you? Or are you embittered over never having kisses a girl? Yeah, that and coming down off meth and Southern Comfort, without a girlfriend has you up late and feeling sad. And imbecilic.
ReplyDeleteOoh, Kevin--very rough stuff--looks as though you've been poring through your Internet Flame Addict Lexicon for Losers. Hey--you haven't posted a derogatory comment about any of the Yankees' young players for at least two hours now. Whassamatter? Been too busy sorting out your kiddie porn collection?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteWoke up too early this AM. Saw a news item about some Ryan guy the NYYs are calling up to replace The Disaster In Center Field.
Came here to learn more (yeah, learn). Instead, I (re-)discovered that there is at least one Giant Asshole patrolling this blog. And doing a bang-up job of being a G.A. to boot!!!
Fonzie, Duque -- this is conduct not becoming. If you are unwilling to discipline your horde, delete internecine baloney, etc. -- well, maybe you might discontinue comments for a while. Silence is deadly for G.A. types, I've noticed.
If we've got to sling mud around, let's aim at the Red Sox and Mets...!
I can get upset enough about this Ryan guy, and the lack of OF depth in the NYY system, without reading about who kissed what when, who has and does not have a pompous ass (I didn't know Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell were hanging out here), and such.
Please.
Thank you!
Woof- this escalated quickly
ReplyDeleteI’m Stat Boy!®™
ReplyDeleteI just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
Counterpunch linked on IIHIIFIIc. I've seen everything.
ReplyDeletePubius--you haven't told us what you plan to do about your shriveled octogenarian dick. Transplant? And then a brain transplant so you'll be able to parse the difference between .300 and .587? Between OBP and OPS? Between shit and shinola? You're a washed-up fraud and mediocrity, Pubius--no surgery for that.
ReplyDeleteNo . . . you haven't seen everything, Pubius. In fact, you can see hardly anything--because you can't even see the difference between .300 and .587. You're a babbling old nonentity striving to sound sage and cool as you dribble your idiocies.
ReplyDeleteIshamel Reed, Pubius. Ever read anything of his before? Surely not. Surely you can't read anything with your rotted eyes and brain and dick. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
ReplyDeleteStatbaby Psycho Boy makes his return, as predicted. What a fetid river of scum in semi-human form. QED.
ReplyDeleteIshmael Reed? Not since 10th grade. Once you grow up, anonymous, you can try Chester Himes and Donald Goines.
ReplyDeleteI just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
ReplyDeleteI’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
I just got off of my shift at The Pizza Pit. Mommy had a sandwich waiting for me in my basement apartment and I ate it. Then I picked my zits and changed out of my cool orange and red uniform. After I attempted to sooth my onanism, I decided the world should know of the depth of my baseball knowledge. I insult everyone, but claim I’m the one being picked on. I’m Stat Boy!®™, and the world should pay for me being such a loser!
I’m Stat Boy!®™
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