The baseball world is gorging itself on Loser Yankees Porn

Rule 34: If something exists, it will eventually foment porn.

The last few Yankee defeats have been performance art... brilliant, in their cringeworthy perfection.

Our vaunted closer blows a two-run lead. 

We rally in the ninth, lose in the tenth. 

In a 7-0 blowout, our baserunner gets thrown out at third. 

People, this is masterful. Larry David couldn't write a more painful script. Think of Hal and Cashman as characters in a Monty Python skit. Or on The Simpsons. 

The '21 Yankees are - as Jake Tapper once called a Presidential debate - "a hot mess in a dumpster fire in a train wreck," perfectly choreographed slapstick of fielding errors, missed scoring opportunities and strikeouts - oh, my god - strikeouts so vivid, so perfectly - called third strikes, right down the middle, or a pitch the umpire flatly misses - and - WAIT... did I mention that our ace has become the target in a cheating scandal?

Loser Yankees Porn. 

The world can't get enough. Redsock fans call me up. "Hey, wanna come over to watch tonight's game?" They're taping games, replaying them again and again... pleasuring themselves to the point of exhaustion. Tacked onto their man cave walls are photographs of Gary Sanchez and Rougned Odor. I don't want to tell you their screen-saver imagines.  

Lately, Gammonites are taking turns condemning this team, as if they had no hand in the massive self-deceptions of last winter - when they claimed the Yankees' powerhouse lineup would roll the AL East. Sadly, many of us were caught up in this subterfuge. But if all you hear is Yankee hype, your sensibilities become deranged. 

So now, the writers seek to make amends, to salvage their place in history.

Mike Francesca calls Tampa the gold standard. Joel Sherman sees no reason to believe in this team. This week's series against the Blue Jays is being called "make or break," a doomsday sign.

Our farm system this summer has produced three players: Deivi Garcia, Nick Nelson and Chris Gittens... a disappointment Tri-Fecta. 

Our injury list remains full. Have we ever seen a full season of Aaron Hicks, Luis Severino, Giancarlo Stanton, Luke Voit or Cory Kluber? No. Will we ever? Probably not. And once Aaron Judge goes down - yes, we're all waiting for it - it's a long drop to Socrates Brito. 

There is no point in listing this team's failings. Anything that could fall apart... well, it has fallen apart. We are so confined by bloated contracts and bad deals that we have no recourse but to keep digging into the hole we created. At this stage, do we have another game plan than Clint Frazier? Do we have a better option than Jameson Tailon? And do we dare look at the four prospects we gave up to get him? (Note: Miguel Yajure has a 3.86 ERA over two starts with Pittsburgh. He's 23. He alone makes it a good deal for the Pirates.) 

If the phone rings, and it's a Redsock fan, don't answer. Better yet, throw away the phone. It's that bad.