With 18 games left, it shall be tomato cans who decide the AL wild card

So, here were are, once again chasing the most meaningless goal after the Daytime Emmy for Entertainment Talk Show: 

The MLB final wild card slot. 

As Yank fans stagger naked through these streets of mottled expectations - with that ridiculous Star Wars siren signifying two strikes - we all know the ugly fate that awaits us: 

The 2021 season will surely end as the last two did - with a sweat-soaked Aroldis Chapman swiveling to watch a bullet streak into the left field bleachers. 

Every winning scenario requires us to believe the Cuban Water Cannon somehow regains his glory and pitches lights-out through October. With due respect to el Chapo, who surely will give his all, it just ainta-gonna happen. We might as well bet on the Easter Bunny. 

But, alas, for any chance - and for the sake of our front office's holiday bonuses - the Yankees must get to Oct. 6. Can it happen? Sure. Let's say Seattle and Oakland - after mini-strokes - have fallen from contention. That leaves us, Toronto and Boston - three teams circling two open chairs, with the music soon to halt. 

Our final gauntlet offers nine games against Boston, Toronto and Tampa - though the Rays might phone in it. But games against zombie teams will make the difference. 

You cannot predict baseball, Susyn. (Or Daytime Emmys, Ellen, you horrible human being. That's right, you! Go on, get! You have no business here, GO!)  That said, here are the projected outcomes, based upon the scientific IT IS HIGH TOMATO CAN SCALE OF CIRCUMSTANCES AND CONSEQUENCES. 

 The Yankees schedule (and projected outcomes): 
2 at Baltimore (2-0?)
3 v Indians (2-1?)
3 v Rangers (3-0?)
3 at Boston (1-2?)
3 at Toronto (1-2?)
3 v Rays (2-1?)

RESULTS: 11-6 (70 losses)

The Redsocks schedule: 
1 at Seattle (1-0?)
3 v Orioles (2-1?)
2 v Mets (1-1?)
3 v Yankees (2-1?)
3 at Baltimore (2-1?)
3 at Washington (3-0?)

RESULTS: 11-4 (69 losses)

And the Blue Jays:
1 v Rays (1-0?)
3 v Twins (3-0?)
3 at Tampa (1-2?)
4 at Minnesota (3-1?)
3 v Yankees (2-1?)
3 v Orioles (3-0?)

RESULTS: 13-4 (68 losses)

The projections favor Boston and Toronto - but only by a sliver. A butterfly flapping his wings last week in China might blow the HR ball into foul territory that keeps Toronto from sweeping Baltimore on Oct. 2. It's that close. 

All we know is that if the Yankees blow either of these games in Baltimore, the ultimate tomato can, we'll want to know the best Daytime Entertainment Talk shows, because we'll have time on our hands in October.