The Death Barge has signed former - (that is, four years ago) - all-star CF Ender Inciarte to a minor league contract, signaling that:
1. Cooperstown Cashman is - or at least was on Thursday - still going in to work.
2. The Yankees are pondering the possibility of Aaron Hicks in CF this year.
3. With their current lineup, the Yankees would win the 2018 world series.
4. Scranton looks stacked this year in the triple A Whachamacallit League.
5. There is a player named Ender Inciarte.
At this point - were this a normal world of shows on Broadway and mass orgies in the Villages - we would devote the rest of the day to imagining John Sterling's new HR call. I propose:
YOU'RE NO DEAD-ENDER! YOU'VE GOT HEART-Y, INCIARTE!
So... what is Ender Inciarte? A 31-year-old OF, released by the Reds in August, who hasn't hit a lick since the secret global pitchers' conspiracy figured him out.
Last year, around now, we signed Socrates Brito, who hit .251 while patrolling the OF for Scranton. Over the season, the Yankees promoted everybody BUT Brito, who homered on opening day and then hit only eight more the rest of the way. But we had fun, thinking of the homer-hollers, right? So, where's that orgy, and do I need a fake voter registration to get in?
ReplyDelete"ender inciarte" looks like a rack of the letters I always seem to draw in Scrabble.
ReplyDeleteEnder Inciarte: $1.39 worth of centerfielder
LBJ's comment: Priceless
ReplyDeleteI believe your Fact #5 is a myth.
You poor bastards - and I include myself in this cohort - just do not know how to play FOUR-DIMENSIONAL FUCKING BACKGAMMON the way that BIG BALLS BRIAN does.
ReplyDeleteJust let him make his trades. After, his record speaks for itself, right?
hahahahahahahah!
And Hal DOES NOT CARE ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK.
WE are the ones getting used by this bullshit, once-proud organization.
Toss out your Randy Levin bobblehead dolls today. Or use them as voodoo dolls.
And Doctor Olu is having an affair with the IBS lady. Scandal reigns in the Bronx...
ReplyDeleteOf course Scranton is stacked, and getting stackier. Brian Cashman is the best AAA general manager in the modern era. The vagaries of roster expansion and short playoff series have meant a hardware deficit (2 Governors Cups, 1 AAA national championship), but that makes Cash, at worst, the John Scherholz of AAA baseball. The Scrankees/RailRiders have been juggernauts under Cash's rule. Biden's on top for now, but history will undoubtedly remember Brian Cashman as the greatest Scrantonian ever.
ReplyDeleteEl Duke, when Genius Cashman is not climbing down buildings or sleeping in the street, he has plenty of time to explore the bargain bins, for washed up players for the Yankees to fix or just plain stiffs. Usually it does not work. Urshela is the exception. You see why the Cards dumoed Voit. These are minor league deals. However, many of these players at Scranton make it to The Yankees. And they play to the back of the Baseball Cards. Cashman is called the excecutive of the century. Really!
ReplyDeleteEnder will never hit a home run so we don't have to wonder what the Master would say.
ReplyDeleteThe most we can hope for is, "He can still walk when Ender's on a bender!"
The Yankees ink another faded player. What encouragement that must instill in their minor league outfielders!
ReplyDeleteSigning Ender....another Cashman mind-bender!
For the walk-off: "And that's a game Ender!" But JM is right, another call we will never have to worry about.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes: awesome line, LBJ.