Agenda of Owners/Players Union meeting today

MEETING AGENDA

I. SEATING, INTRODUCTION OF PARTICIPANTS

II. MINUTES OF LAST MEETING READ BY MISS BIXLEY

III. WELCOMING REMARKS BY COMMISSIONER MANFRED (Thanks to Scranton Airport Ramada Inn for hosting, looks like great baseball season ahead, humorous asides about what's happening in Ukraine, and isn't Miss Bixley something? va-va-voom!)

IV. RECAP OF MEETING RULES, MOST NOTABLY THAT NOBODY SPEAKS UNLESS HOLDING "THE TALK CHALICE." 

V. OPEN ICE-BREAKING DISCUSSION. (Suggested topics, Super Bowl Half-Time show, crazy Kanye West, what's Pete Davidson's secret? Weather, Miss Bixley.)  

VI. BREAK FOR COFFEE AND DONUTS

VII. DEBATE OVER WHY HALF OF PARTICIPANTS DID NOT RETURN FOLLOWING BREAK FOR COFFEE AND DONUTS, AND QUESTION OF WHO STOLE "TALK CHALICE."

VIII. COMPLAINTS AND ACCUSATIONS, PLUS THROWING OF CRUMPLED DOCUMENTS.

VIII. CLOSING REMARKS FROM COMMISSIONER MANFRED (with or without Talk Chalice: Thanks for attending, looks like great season ahead, how about that Miss Bixley - va-va-voom!)

IX. ADJOURNMENT. 

X. NEXT MEETING: WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER.