Sunday, March 13, 2022

Hal Steinbrenner, this is your moment to step up.

 



All right, we all know what's going to happen here. 

We can debate, as much as we want—as I was just doing with Hammer—who exactly we should get to fill in which of the many gaping holes in the Yankees' lineup, bench, rotation, and bullpen in 2022.

It's a fun game. It's what we fans do. And we might as well be playing Rotisserie Baseball. 

Because we know that, under Food Stamps Hal, it ain't never gonna happen. Hal Steinbrenner is never again going to spend the sort of money needed to make the New York Yankees a consistent contender, never mind a perennial powerhouse.

Not unless and until the team in Flushing starts to steal away large portions of the Yanks' market share in this town. And I mean a BIG share of it, to the point where everyone, everywhere on the street is wearing little Metsies hats, and the Seven Line Army outnumbers the Russian military. (They could already beat them.)

So how about this: hold the line on the uniform ads.

That's all I'm asking here, Hal. Sure, scrimp and save every single dollar on not bringing in the big free agent stars the way your father did. Go ahead and rip off every taxpayer in the city of New York by killing our Staten Island farm team. Charge every dime the market will bear for tickets, parking, TV access, souvenirs, refreshments, etc. 

We know you will anyway.

But spare us the uniforms.  

All it will take is a simple statement saying that, while you don't know what other, lesser teams will do, the New York Yankees will always decline to desecrate the sacred pinstripes by sticking an advertisement on it. 

Tell the world that we're not some Little League squad playing for the greater honor of Joe's Auto Repair.  Tell them we're not some collection of Euro soccer trash, advertising the airline of a Middle Eastern potentate.  

Tell them we're the New York Yankees, and we don't wear other people's brands on our backs. Or fronts. Or caps.

Tell them, Hal. Swear to it. It won't cost you a dime. All it will mean is forgoing some infinitesimal amount of pocket change for some Steinbrenner descendant eight or ten generations hence, bopping around the Red Dust Mall of Mars.  

Do it, Hal. We know you're not going to sign Freddie Freeman, much less Carlos Correa. We know you're going to keep Brian Cashman running this coughing, banged-up old Cadillac of a team into trees until one day it finally stops running altogether.

But spare us the pinstripes, Hal. Give us that, at least, and maybe one day we—or our children, or our children's children—will come back to that big, lifeless collection of luxury boxes and luxury restaurants you built on top of a beloved public park in the Bronx.

Maybe. 

17 comments:

  1. Amen, Hoss. Let us pray that we're saved from the horror of commercialization of the sacred pinstripes. Prince Hal: just say it, just say that "we're our own brand and we won't wear somebody's ads for money".

    ReplyDelete
  2. So we should start a pool to guess which adverts wili go on the helmets. Audi? Adidas? D-Con Mouse Traps?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Probably Pfizer: a booster a day keeps the mortician away.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It has come to this, praying that they don’t sell the ad space on Yankee uniforms. That’s the best we can do. In the meantime, they signed Tim LoCastro today. We are completely fucking doomed. Nothing will change. Nothing will change. Nothing will change. We are talking many many years of the same bad management. Fuck these people.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And you know where we’re going to see some good baseball this year? I hate to say this more than I can tell you, but Queens. The Mets are gonna do it. See, they broke my soul, those fucking Yankees.

    ReplyDelete
  6. 13,

    Actually there is an upside to LoCastro despite his rather poor play. I thinking/hoping he was signed to take Brett Gardner's place.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hoss,

    Do the teams have discretion? I figured it would be a single national sponsor.

    If each team has their own individual ad on the uniform maybe the Red Sox could do Preparation H.

    I hear that it is good on inflamed assholes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ah, you're probably right, Doug. I keep forgetting, and thinking that we live in a capitalist country.

    In fact, we live in a country that has socialism for the rich only. Otherwise, I guess playing in a city full of such big companies would give the Yanks another "unfair advantage."

    ReplyDelete
  9. And damn: I was really hoping to see Roscoe the Bedbug Dog on our unis. Oh, well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. The more important question is, who will get the naming rights to Yankee Stadium?

    The CB Chastity Device at Yankee Stadium?

    ReplyDelete

  11. Booooooone, the Yankees alleged manager, proclaimed today that Gio is the SS for this team.

    Does anyone think Andujar has a chance to reclaim his position?

    ReplyDelete


  12. Aaron Booooooone also says it’s ‘premature’ to evaluate Yankees’ offseason."

    The ultimate company man.

    I've run out of expletives.


    ReplyDelete
  13. Tim LoCastro. Jesus fucking Christ on toast.

    God, we're gonna suck. Which means, at best, we'll be medicre. With stretches of wins where it looks like we're a great team. Followed by stretches of losses where we look like we're the new Orioles.

    The Mets are looking better and better. I'm seriously tempted.

    Pray for Ukraine. Fuck the Yankees.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That fucking Nike swoosh has been on there a while...kinda shocked it hasn't been mentioned in the comments yet.

    ReplyDelete
  15. MJ,

    As much as I dislike the swoosh at least it's the apparel maker. You know it's going to be something along the lines of Fast and Furious 9 or McDs.



    ReplyDelete
  16. What Doug said. At least they made the damned uniforms. Anything beyond that...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Doug and Horace: I get your point. When it's on the shoes I try not to notice it. And there used to be, what..."Starter"(?)logos on the jackets and stuff. "New Era" seems familiar. You guys are right; I hereby withdraw my bitching about the swoosh and look forward to...whatever this ends up being. All on radio or free TV. But I look forward to it. Gentlemen: thank you for talking me down.

    ReplyDelete

Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.