Friday, July 15, 2022

Glass Half-Full! (Of Hemlock)

 

All right, guys. Even though it goes against every fiber of my being, and threatens to provoke the juju entities—

(Clearly visible, incidentally, in those pictures from the new space telescope, the little bastards!)

—Here is my "Glass Half Full (Of Hemlock) report:

—Sure, your New York Yankees often go through inning after inning compiling at-bats like a team full of Stephen Drews.

Nonetheless, even while dropping 4 of their last 5, they managed to score 27 runs in that stretch–or 5.4 a game, which ain't nuthin'. 

Those games were lost in good part because of foolish running and fielding mistakes—more a sign of first- half fatigue, over a punishing schedule, than any innate problems.


—These Yankees are highly frustrating because they're in every game. So are most winning teams.

I hate to admit this, but I remember wailing, gnashing my teeth, and rending garments even over the 1998 Yankees, the Greatest Team That Ever Was (Well, not so much rending garments. Polyester don't grow on trees! Literally!).  

It seemed to me, at the time, that they lost so many close games. And of course they did—because they were always in it. 

A lesser Yankees team than this gets mashed up in Boston. And doesn't come back against the Reds these last two nights. It's agonizing to watch, I know—and the ungodly pace of these contests doesn't help any—but you gotta be in it to win it, and the luck will turn toward them again.

—The rest of our division has to play with itself. Ahem. What I mean is, the AL East is a very tough neighborhood...and a great one to have a 13-game lead in. 

Thanks to the abnormally late All-Star Game, almost 60 percent of the season will be gone by the time serious play resumes. Almost half of the remaining games will be against division rivals. That means that the BJs, the TB Rays, the suddenly revived Orioles, and the Carmine Hose will all be bashing each other for much of the remainder.

Hard for any one of those squads to make much headway, even if we have disastrous series against them. As our Peerless Leader noted, the BoSox went from their gleeful, last two games at Fenway against us...to losing 4 straight to an injury-racked TB team.  

We're gonna have to work hard to lose this division.

—As previously stated by our compadres, better this nose dive now than in September. Among other things, it might just convince The Brain that he can't get away with keeping Joey, Joey on the team, hoping he will miraculously revive. 

And even Cooperstown Cashman MUST understand that, after the events of the last week, he has to find some way to upgrade the pitching. (The other, much more ominous factor that let us down in Hell Hope Week.)

Yes, that will mean giving away the farm. But as ZachA has demonstrated, and judging from the trade results of the last 5 years, "the farm" is likely inhabited wholly by two-headed calves, sick chickens, and stud hosses ready for the glue factory. 

I'd trust my 92-year-old, vodka-swilling aunt more to make a big, important stretch deal than Brian Cashman. But rest assured: most likely, his organization has already so ruined most of its "prospects" that we won't hear much from them again.

There.  Feel better?

Well, don't.  Because as I've written before, all that hanging onto the division title will get us is another big fat let down in October.  

But for now, let's just put on some Frank, and enjoy the summer wind...

Like painted kites

Those days and nights

Went flyin' by

The world was new

Beneath a bright blue

Umbrella sky...


 










115 comments:


  1. Freshman year of college, Chem 12 lab, we made polyester. That day I became a chemistry major.

    ReplyDelete
  2. …we lost our season to the Summer Wind. Thanks HC.

    Thanks to Duque and everyone here from providing a space to vent, commiserate, and bitch and moan.
    Any blog’ll do when the team rides high, but only IIHIIFIIC will suffice when the wheels come off and
    we see, once again, the emperor has no clothes.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My pleasure! And hey, isn't EVERY sky an umbrella sky? Oh, best not to question!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wait a minute. We have a two headed calf in the minors? How's it pitching?

    ReplyDelete
  5. No, that was Pat Venditte, or whatever his name was. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Best polyester song ever?

    I vote for Liz Phair's, "Do You Wanna Be a Polyester Bride?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. And the best/worst film about polyester, John Water's Polyester of course, LOL!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lNlEp5qH3E

    I believe this was the first (and last?) film to include the gimmick of ODORAMA, scratch and sniff cards handed out to the audience and prompted by requests during the movie.
    The ten smells (developed by 3M per John Waters) were:
    Roses
    Flatulence
    Model airplane glue
    Pizza
    Gasoline
    Skunk
    Natural gas
    New car smell
    Dirty shoes
    Air freshener

    We may need ODORAMA for the second half of this Yankee season!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mildred,

    We made much more interesting and psychoactive things in chem lab in college.

    Hoss,

    I'd like to meet your aunt. She's seems like a fun party companion, and a superb replacement for the intern.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ken,

    I think the stadium already comes with odorama. Especially the bathrooms. The smell of rat feces is actually a step up.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. RE Rufus, excellent point my friend, LOL!!!

    I'll also be making my own for home use,,,,
    Pineapple
    Fear
    Pineapple
    Pineapple
    Pineapple
    Fear

    And occasionally
    The Sweet Smell of Success

    Ah,,, just kidding
    More Pineapple

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well something sure stinks there lately...

    Tab Hunter and Debbie Harry did a duet on the title song from Polyester
    hard to believe they never recorded together again.

    For your listening pleasure check out the duet Of Tom Waits and Keith Richards
    on the classic folk tune "Shenendoah" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uInzcytRJGk
    It might be better than tonight's game.

    ReplyDelete
  13. She's actually great, Rufus. Her hearing is better than mine, she reads all the time, and she's always eating Cheetos because they're one of the few things she can still taste.

    She knows nothing about baseball...but then, neither does Brian Cashman!

    Drum roll, remember your waitresses, please, or they'll remember you, thank you, thank you for coming!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Love "Shenandoah," 999. I will check it out!

    ReplyDelete
  15. That's awesome 999, I didn't realize that was Debbie Harry singing with Tab Hunter, WOW! And I'll definitely check out Shenandoah, thanks!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Guys, that version of Shenandoah may be, uh, an acquired taste…

    ReplyDelete
  17. Was that part of a Hal Wilner project?

    ReplyDelete
  18. The Yankees need to borrow a little from English politics. Specifically, Boris Johnson. Yes, the solution is for Gallo to resign. For Gehrig, a tough break. For Gallo, thems the breaks.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Monty sucking right out of the gate.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Why are their batting averages so much higher than ours?

    ReplyDelete
  21. Because they're good hitters? Just a guess.

    ReplyDelete
  22. all of our starting pitching is flat -

    like a tire - running on it's rim

    things are looking bad

    things are looking grim

    I'm crossing my digits tonight

    twitching'© for a win



    ReplyDelete
  23. I seemed to have joined the DPS - the Deleted Post Society.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I can't get the game on Prime now. Was fine before.
    Watching on IPTV with Boston announcers, who are a lot less annoying.
    Monty coughed up another. 3-3.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Prime working on Fire TV, but not with Roku. Weird.

    ReplyDelete
  27. HidemyIP + chrome + mlb.tv finally worked. video feed with John and Suzyn audio...

    ReplyDelete
  28. Just wondering what Callo, two outs, means.

    I'm guessing out # 3.

    ReplyDelete
  29. The contrast is soft with Prime TV tonight AND they just crash-faded the Gallo boos just as he was removing his batting gloves. The BOOS were LOUD

    ReplyDelete
  30. 999 Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to. Not as bad as herpes, but that doesn't mean it's good.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I should see if I can get that TV feed with John and Suzyn....

    ReplyDelete
  32. John Sterling on Chapman warming “The Yankees are ready to take sommmme chance”

    ReplyDelete
  33. How can you pitch FlopSweat in a late and close situation? HOW.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Between Chapman and Gallo, it's remarkable to see just how quickly all star level baseball players can fall to being among the very worst in the sport. I don't think this happens in pro football, basketball, hockey, soccer.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Otherwise, pretty good. A lot of pitches.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Professional Curlers never fade - so long as there's a shot of Yukon Jack available they keep on going and going . . .

    ReplyDelete
  37. As long as the knees hold up.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I think Chapman was pretty good. Not all the way back, still needs more confidence in the fastball, but as good as most of the other guys in the pen. Better than some.

    ReplyDelete
  39. O'Neill talking down Gallo. Good serious critique. Wonder if management has greenlighted honesty to signal his days are numbered.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Peralta. Ugh. What about King? Can't use him because we're not ahead?

    Fucking Boone.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Just me and JM - this should be on Zoom over a pitcher of WandyRitas

    ReplyDelete

  42. You two should maybe get a room?

    ReplyDelete
  43. Yeah, where is everyone? Peralta bounces a damn lot of pitches. I don't like pitchers who always look like they're about to cry.

    ReplyDelete

  44. The Yankees specialize in sweaters and criers.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Come on now Dick - what are yah saying?

    ReplyDelete

  46. Can anyone explain why Judge is all of a sudden hitting below the Gallo line?

    ReplyDelete
  47. Judge, last 7 games: 148BA
    Judge, last 15 games: 185BA
    Judge, last 30 games: 204BA

    ReplyDelete
  48. Without Judge, this is a shabby team

    ReplyDelete
  49. It ain't great.

    I hate this idea where you can't bring in certain pitchers because we're behind by a run or tied. So fucking stupid. Pitch the best guys you have in close games. Don't let it get out of reach. Why is that so hard?

    ReplyDelete
  50. Peralta has done well, but odds are odds.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Boone!!! It wasn't a strike.

    ReplyDelete
  52. That was some good yelling right there.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Devers stayed on the bag instead of moving to catch that bad throw.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Trevino didn't look great there.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Why not take one shot at a safety squeeze? Just hit the ball slowly past the putcher...game over!

    ReplyDelete
  56. bases loaded no outs. NO RUNS.

    Last year redux.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Yep.

    I'm with Carl. That's not the first time in recent memory where a decent bunt would've probably won the game.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Some of these calls by the umps, well I hate to use the word "integrity" here.... legalized gambling wasn't allowed for over a century in sports because of a whim. One other thing, the stats on "mistake" calls on Judge is outrageous, I don't give a damn that he's a few inches taller than his peers. Why should that be an excuse?

    ReplyDelete
  59. Snoop dee-oh-dubble-gee corona ad is so much better than krap for kidds krap.

    posts are indeed disappearing. thanks google.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Again, why not drop a bunt down third or first? Sure the infield is in but LeMahieu is already 1/3 down the line.

    ReplyDelete
  61. You think SD would take Chapman and Gallo as a package if we ate half their remaining salary? Maybe catch lightening in a bottle. 2 players performing well out of NYC.

    ReplyDelete
  62. This is terrible. We had the game in the ninth and the tenth. And that was awful.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Donaldson against another righty. Great.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Yeah, hitting him was a great move. Boone is an idiot even when he's not in the dugout.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Donaldson pinch-hitting for Gonzalez why? Because you wanted the righty-righty matchup?

    Faboonish.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Hicks... not a lot of confidence.

    ReplyDelete
  67. And stupid manager PH-ing Donaldson

    ReplyDelete
  68. Even if Hicks walks, Trevino is next. He's a fallen angel

    ReplyDelete
  69. I think that the correct rendering is unbefuckinglievable.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Very poor fundamental baseball over the past 2-3 weeks. And even worse managing.

    ReplyDelete
  71. There were a number of Yankee fans on this list who vowed to root against the team this year . . . back in April. Their principles wilted as the wins accumulated. I, however, have held steadfast to the "tear-it-down" faction, never believing that this mismatched aggregation of has-beens, castoffs, overpriced free agents, and "who the hell is that guy"? was enjoying anything but a freakish warp in the space-time continuum and would soon make the inevitable crash landing. The only true Yankee fan is the militant anti-Yankee fan (dialectics, boys!), the one who relishes nights like this one. Until the Steinbrenner-Cashman-Levine cabal is ousted, along with its long trail of mediocre sycophants, this franchise will remain a lumbering embarrassment. Onward, to the greatest collapse in baseball history!

    ReplyDelete
  72. Sorry, pizza shop's closed.

    Troll out front should have told you.

    ReplyDelete
  73. I think that we have a team who's been reading their own headlines too much. Sometimes doing so will make a team start to press when a few things go wrong. They sure as hell don't look happy given their record. Then again, I'd be nervous given the look on poor Gallo's face.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Great, now psycho-girl Barney escaped her institution.

    ReplyDelete
  75. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  76. I hope we're not doing that 2017 crap with Judge again. If he's hurt, he should go on the DL.

    And Chapman just has to go. What is it, he's been back 2 weeks and blown 3 games or something? Enough.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Hear the the creaking of Rufus's wheelchair and the gurgling from his throat as he expels one of his last belches of venom. Pray for him.

    ReplyDelete
  78. The incense burned away
    and the stench began to rise

    ReplyDelete
  79. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  80. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Imagine the emotional deformities of a tormented bigot who thinks that the worst insult he can fling at someone is to call him a girl. Kevin--surely you can find some help that is covered by your medical insurance.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Hey Kevin--why not regale us again with your dunderhead thesis that the main problem with the franchise with the third-highest payroll in baseball is that Steinbrenner doesn't spend enough money? I bet you got a million of 'em!

    ReplyDelete
  83. You ARE a girl who did her best to pass yourself as a dude. I got you to slip up and give yourself away last year. I.trust that your your second year at Brown went well?

    ReplyDelete
  84. "You ARE a girl," frothed the misogynist psychopath Kevin.

    ReplyDelete

Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.