This is the most brilliant inversion of the passive tense since my nightly gin gimlet, when I sternly admonish myself:
"In no way, shape, or form are you going to drop this bottle of Plymouth's until you pour the gin into the martini glass!"
For Judge's non-signing to NOT be a distraction, all that is required is for HAL himself to sign the big, lovable lug.
All this may not distract HAL from his usual preoccupations of clipping coupons, refiguring the luxury tax, and diving into huge piles of coins while exclaiming, "Gold, glorious gold!"
But of course it WILL distract everyone else, starting with fans and reporters, who have the temerity to ask questions and demand answers.
Just write the damned check already, HAL, baby, so that in no way, shape, or form do we have to be distracted by your privileged ass again this season.
Judge is hurt and not playing today. Lower body issues.
ReplyDeleteRumor has it the team made him ride Trailways to Beantown instead of flying
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone believe the reports that Judge's lower body issues have to do with Hal giving him a spanking because he's playing too well?
ReplyDeleteSince a few posts have passed and maybe you all didn't see it, I can't begin to thank everyone for their support and kind offers related to the health issue my wife is going through.
ReplyDeleteYou people have big hearts, as opposed to the clown who owns this team. Yankee fans > Yankee owners.
Now let's massacree these Fenway fops.
ReplyDeleteJM is on target. Speaking of massacres, I leave you all with this to express my deepest hatred of all things Boston:
"I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin' up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin' up and down with me and we was both jumpin' up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the Sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteExcept Alice, JM
Fucking Josh Fucking DonaldFuckingson!
ReplyDeleteDonaldson!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd Hicks. Hicks, I say.
ReplyDeleteIsn't this the great Sox rookie who gave up only one home run before tonight?
ReplyDeletePshaw. And Pshakespear.
Torres took the hittable pitch and swung at the unhittable one.
ReplyDeleteWhy the fuck did he pitch to Devers? What the fuck could they have talked about during the mound visit?
ReplyDeleteAce.
ReplyDeleteIt was in falsetto, whatever the conversation was.
ReplyDeleteSuzyn: "Why are they pitching to him?"
ReplyDeleteWhattaya think? Torrents Chapman for the 9th?
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Gulp.
Holmes. Gotta be.
ReplyDeleteBetter be.
Chapo only for the intentional hbp.
ReplyDeleteBrigadoon coming up. The excitement builds.
ReplyDeleteJoey Whiffs probably registered an account on apartments.com…
ReplyDeleteYankees Win!!!
ReplyDeleteBuck Foston!
ReplyDeleteThat was a big Yankees win.
ReplyDeleteHolmes is great.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing better in the world than a warble from The Master in the aftermath of beating the Sux.
Now, where is Winnie with his?
Well, I'd rather be lucky than good. It always annoys me when they struggle so with one guy like Devers.
ReplyDelete"Yeah, just keep pitching him low, so he can keep golfing it into the stands." The "response" should be one in the ribs. Without that abysmal Sox fielding in the sixth, we're probably toast.
But...a win is a win is a win.
And...without Judge or Rizzo.
ReplyDeleteGreat relief pitching!
I'LL TAKE IT - thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteBoone on Cole: "I thought he was GREAT tonight. He was really sharp, except for Devers."
ReplyDeleteSure. A hit and a walk to the great Plawecki. He was dyn-o-mite.
Cole owes Peralta, King, and Holmes a healthy cut of his hyper-inflated contract.
ReplyDeleteThat is so true.
ReplyDeleteFunny John moment of the night…. Announcing the score… Yankees 6, Devers 5
ReplyDeleteThat is taken straight from Astros manager Dusty Baker's playbook when he said:
ReplyDelete"Ended up Judge 2, Us 2"
Cole is so NOT ace material, in so many ways. Look at his pathetic body language after the second Devers home run. During the postgame interview, he literally seemed about to cry in frustration. Hey Gerrit—YOU WON.
ReplyDeleteGoodness knows, Roger Clemens is and was a bad man, but he would have recommended "the Piazza treatment" as a response.
No crying in baseball, Cole Train.