The projected projections for the 2022 Yankees, and the rejected injections of Toronto's fanbase

 

Yankee magic number for winning the AL East: 

27

Yank magic number for making 2022 postseason: 

25

Aaron Judge projected regular season HR total:

64

Judge's projected salary next year:

Somewhere north of $40 million

Judge's projected team next year:

Somewhere north of San Diego 

Yankee projected owner next year: 

Is this a trick? Are you taunting me?

Tonight's projected pitcher: 

Gerrit Cole, entire bullpen, including Chi Chi Gonzalez, if necessary.

Projected strategy for beating Tampa Bay this weekend:

Have Judge hit four HRs per game.

(Essay questions) Projected reasons for personal rage:

1. Whatever happens tonight, the Death Barge has squandered its last string of sub-.500 tomato cans, crapping their West Coast beds against two teams ready to phone in the month of September. What does it say when our pitching can't keep Mike Ford in the ballpark?

2. Who believes Boone's claim that Jameson Tailion's "contusion" won't cause him to miss a start, or maybe two? Whenever somebody gets hurt, Boone low-balls the severity and the expected time missed. He does this again and again. This isn't optimism. It's denial. Why doesn't the media call him out?

3. Don't you feel a growing belief that, in a season that was supposed to be magical, all other fan bases are having more fun than we are?

4. The world has grown bull-goose loony, we are staring into The Abyss, and the 2022 Yankees are doomed... which launches the final essay question: