World's Biggest Pussy Comes to New York

 

Fan Torture 2022 continued last night, as the Baltimore Orioles did everything they could to avoid letting the one and only thing that the 47,583 fans at Yankee Stadium see what they had come to see.

That was, Aaron Judge at least get to try for his record-breaking, 62nd home run of the season. 

No could do! Instead, we got to see such high entertainment as Orioles reliever Felix Bautista pretending to have a serious leg injury, rather than pitch to Judge in the bottom of the eighth inning.

First, before he could even throw a pitch to the Big Guy, Bautista—himself a large man—had to consult with most of the Orioles braintrust. Then, after throwing two balls that barely sniffed the plate, he seemed to go into conniptions.

Once again, out came most of the Baltimore Orioles, past and present. I think Cal Ripken, Jr., was there. Also Cal Ripken, Sr., and maybe Billy Ripken, as well. Players, coaches, trainers, make-up artists. 

At one point it looked as if the entire General Assembly of the UN was milling around the mound at Yankee Stadium.

All to watch Mr. Bautista throw a few warm-up pitches, and then finally, finally indicate that he might be able to continue. 

But even after this naked effort to freeze Judge, Felix the Wonderful Wonderful PussyCat could not screw his courage to the sticking place. He tossed one more ball, far outside, to Judge, before waving him to first on an intentional walk.

Then, Bautista's leg cramp, or intestinal fortitude cramp or whatever was wrong with the Big Feline miraculously healed, and he was able to fan Rizzo on three pitches, and retire Gleyber Torres. (Something that bodes oh-so-well for our postseason hopes.)

Up in the booth, Michael Kay was reminded of Armando Benitez,  the Mets' and Orioles' (and yes, briefly our) all-time choker, and his 2000 World Series at-bat against Paul O'Neill. This was hugely unfair—to Armando Benitez. Abysmal as Armando was in any clutch situation, he at least possessed the gonads to pitch to a batter without faking a spasm.

I know, I know: the excuse for all this folderol was that Orioles were STILL, technically, in the Wild Card race, and so every game counts! If the Birds somehow won their every remaining game and Seattle somehow lost its every remaining game, Baltimore might still have sneaked in.

But nobody believed this could possibly happen, including the Orioles. For the ninth, they did not trot out their closer, Jorge Lopez, with his 1.68 ERA, or even old friend Dillon Tate, who has pitched well out of the pen this year.

Nope. Instead it was rookie D.L. Hall, making the 10th major-league appearance of his career. Battling desperately for the playoffs, my ass.

Once again: Fan Torture, the preferred service offering of MLB. On a cold, fall night, the near-capacity crowd got to stand around and see exactly nothing, in a game so sleepy that using the word "perfunctory" to describe it would have been a crazy overstatement.

And...that may well have been it. 

After the Yanks played a Sunday night game last weekend—a contest that cost Judge at least one at-bat—the team is back to weekend baseball as usual today and tomorrow, with a pair of afternoon games...right in the slot when the detritus from assorted hurricanes is most likely to rain them both out.

Impossible, of course, that the Yanks could move these otherwise meaningless games to later in the day.  And with them will go any chance of Judge breaking the record at home—or perhaps breaking it at all.  

BUT...not before, no doubt, those fans who have bought tickets at extortionate prices are forced to trek up to the Bronx and spend a couple hours, at least, out in the cold and the rain, filling themselves with the Yankees vaunted gustatory offerings. 

Yesterday's "game" put the Yanks over 3 million in attendance for the 22nd time—or every year starting with 1999, save for the Covid year and the Covid Hangover year.  Something makes me think they won't get close to that mark next season.