First, I hereby apologize for invoking, at times, a certain name that derisively connected you to the federal Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program.
As of today, that shall never, ever, happen again.*
(*Unless conditions warrant it.)
I want to formally thank you for preserving Aaron Judge as an icon of New York, a cultural touchstone akin to Times Square and the Cuomo bridge. The idea of Judge spending the next decade in phony California, listening to Journey records, would have sent millions of Yank fans over the San Andreas fault. If Judge had gone, the so-called "Yankee Universe" would collapse into an infinitesimally tiny speck, and time would reverse itself. In other words... not good for merch sales.
Sir, you did not only the right thing, but the smart thing.
Keeping Judge will work financially, emotionally and spiritually - even as his skills inevitably decline. Yesterday, with the bases loaded, you delivered. Again, I thank you.
But but BUT... there remains a problem: The Yankees have won nothing since 2009. Don't point to regular season victories. Nobody cares. Don't point to postseason appearances. Expanded playoffs let losers play in October. No Yank fan gives a flying fuck about the wild card. A few more wild cards, and you might as well appear on The Masked Singer.
With a game on the line, we expect Yankees to dig ever-deeper into their souls and deliver. Today, that's what we need of you.
Come April, we must not trot out the same basic roster that fell, embarrassingly, to Houston.
We need a leftfielder. He should bat LH. Andrew Benintendi? Someone else? Whatever. Just not Aaron Hicks. Judge needs protection. Let's stop day-drunk-dreaming that person is Giancarlo Stanton. We need a big bat in LF.
We need pitching, pitching, pitching. Carlos Rodon maybe? There are others, such as Kodai Senga from Japan. We need a starter and bullpen arms.
We need an owner obsessed with winning, as your dad was. We need a belligerent SOB who - instead of making friends over the cheese board - stares down MLB's billionaire boys club with the sole purpose of restoring the New York Fucking Yankees to their rightful place in American culture.
The Yankees - not the Dodgers, not Boston, not Houston - should be the most revered franchise in sports.
That, sir, is your job.
How well you do it will be your legacy.
Again, thank you for yesterday. Now, get back out there. You have work to do.
The key sentence here includes the worsds the NEW YORK FUCKING YANKEES. Can we please, please get back to that mentality. Fuck these other shit bag organisations. We're the NEW YORK FUCKING YANKEES
ReplyDeleteThat's right. The New York Fucking Yankees should stop trying to out think, out clever, out nerd the competition, settling for a deep run once in a while and maybe a title every 10 years. The Yankees should try to overwhelm the competition, in every facet of the game. The organization has the resources. And...dirty little secret Rob Manfred doesn't want you to know...the New York Fucking Yankees overwhelming the competition is good for the business of baseball. The traditional, established, profitable drama of the sport is everybody else trying to punch through against the Yankees. The sport's lean years tend to be when the Yankees are mediocre or worse. Nobody roots for Goliath, but nobody truly wants him gone either. Be the heel, Hal.
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ReplyDeleteOne of your finest posts.
ReplyDeleteEvery single syllable rings with the truth that comes with moral righteousness. And Davey Milkshakes is right about you being right. We are the NY fucking Yankees. Hal needs to be reminded of that.
SO DOES THE TEAM.
I wonder if, when Jeter took the, "I Thank The Good Lord for making me a Yankee.
-Joe D." sign from the old stadium he didn't remove the mantra, the mission statement of sorts, that helped nourish the "awe"
This team needs it's own sign. I suggest "WE ARE THE NY FUCKING YANKEES"
Touch that before you go on the field and then try to tell me how glad you are about your launch angle.
I think that Hal aspires to be the Dallas Cowboys of MLB.
ReplyDeleteYou know, "America's Team", that hasn't won a Super Bowl in 26 years.
Jon Heyman just sent me a private message that both Roger Staubach and Milt Plum are looking for deals and play LF.
With all doo doo doo respect - when the best baseball managers in the business reach deep inside their skulls to grab onto their brains to manage the seasons most important innings - all Man-Child Boone can find in there is some backwashed bubblegum saliva and a handful of half-eaten seed shells.
ReplyDeleteYou can’t win it all with our current manager.
And I’m a glass half full kinda guy.
We can't win with our current lineup, our current rotation, our current manager, and our current GM. Which probably means we can't win with our current principal owner.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, we're good.
You've got the troops stirred up, Duque—and I'm with you! New York Fucking Yankees it is!
ReplyDeleteI doubt if Hal is listening. But he should!
Only time will tell.
ReplyDeleteThey are currently the New York Masturbating Yankees!!!
ReplyDelete