Some Suggestions For MLB.TV

I have MLB.TV and, as much as I like “Baseball Zen”, a show where they just put things in slow motion for a half an hour, for example, rolling out the tarp - it's sort of like ASMR – "ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. ASMR Is typically a video consisting of a person whispering, smacking, eating, or making other relaxing sounds."  Smacking is the sound made by the lips where… Where was I?

Sorry, ASMR is some trippy shit. 

Back on the road… 

I like Baseball Zen, but the other shows are pretty standard fare and, believe it or not, there are only so many times I can watch the Official 1996 World Series Video. They need some new programming to get us through the rest of the winter. I have a few ideas…

Here’s the pitch…

GM Swap

Much like Wife Swap we take two GMs from vastly different franchises and let them take over the other’s team for a month. Picture Brain Cashman as the GM of the Pirates.

Feels good, doesn’t it? Maybe we should leave him there.  

OK I’ll admit it, this show is just a trick to get him off the Yankees for a month, so he doesn’t trade the rest of our minor league pitchers to get a mediocre left fielder.  

I’ve got others.

Ballpark Parts Unknown

Loosely based on the Anthony Bourdain Travel Food Show, “Parts Unknown”  we send legendary consumer of ballpark food Paul O'Neill to the factory that makes the hot dogs for Yankee Stadium to discover what the unknown parts actually are.

They Shoot Michael Kay Don’t They?

The premise of this documentary is similar to the dance contests held during The Great Depression. Michael Kay has already shown he can do a taping of Center Stage, followed by three hours of radio talk show followed by three and a half hours of a baseball game and a three AM taping of a cock fight, but how long can he really talk? Let’s find out by making him enter a Talkathon.  Sure, he could outlast John Smoltz but how would he fare against say, Sean Hannity? We raise the stakes by making it to the death.

MLB All-Star Dunk Tank

Hosted by former All-Stars Gary Sanchez and Joey Gallo,  MLB All-Star Dunk Tank works just like the carnival game.  

Each episode takes a celebrity from the baseball world that we are tired of putting up with, such as Baseball Commissioner Rob Manfred, Alex Rodriquez, or Jack Buck and puts him on the hot seat suspended over a vat of actual bull shit.  

Guest pitchers taken from the rosters of the prior year’s All Star Game take turns throwing up to three pitches to hit the target and drop him into the vat.  

To make it more interesting the victim, uh guest celebrity, gets to pick which of our hosts will stand at the plate and try to prevent the ball from hitting the target.  Good luck with that.