Last night, on the JFK tarmac, IT IS HIGH bade farewell to Matt Carpenter, one of the most enjoyable Yankee stories of this millennium. Emotions ran high, as he realized it was time to board his flight to San Diego...
MATT
confused
I don't understand. What about you? Aren't you coming?
IT IS HIGH
I'm staying here with Boone 'til the plane gets safely away.
MATT
No, Duque, no. What has happened? Last night we said --
IT IS HIGH
-- Last night we said a lotta things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane to San Diego, with Machado, where you belong.
MATT
protesting
But, Duque, no, I, I --
IT IS HIGH
-- You've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? You can't play left field, you were worse than Andujar, and we already have Giancarlo as the DH. Nine chances out of ten, you'd wind up on the bench, if not Hal's shit list. Isn't that true, Cash?
Cashman shuffles some papers.
BRIAN
I'm afraid Mr. Hal would insist.
MATT
No. No. You're saying this only to make me go.
IT IS HIGH
I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us we both know you belong in San Diego. You can be DH. You can hit between Tatis and Manny. You can grow a beard. If this plane leaves the ground and you're not on it, you'll regret it.
MATT
No. No. No.
IT IS HIGH
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your entire two-year contract.
MATT
But what about the blog? What about the Yankees?
IT IS HIGH
We'll always have last June. We'd lost it, and then you returned, and then - well, fuck - then you went ice cold in the ALCS.
MATT
I said I would never leave you.
IT IS HIGH
And you never will. Not as long as there is an Old Timers Day. But I gotta job to do, too. I've gotta keep yapping at Hal, you know, to keep him honest. You can't be any part of that.
Look, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of bloggers and fans don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy AL East. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now--
Matt's eyes well up with tears. IT IS HIGH puts its hand, figuratively, to Matt's chin and raises his face to meet its own.
IT IS HIGH
Here's looking at Aaron Hicks, kid.
It was fun while it lasted,,,,, AND, with Correa going to the Mets, we're officially the second team in NYC, URRRGGG> it was fun while it lasted!
ReplyDeleteCohen has broken the unacknowledged collusion, meant to keep salaries down and profits in the owners' pockets. He's actually spending whatever necessary to win! Horrors.
ReplyDeleteThe second best thing to Hal spending money is Cohen spending money.
ReplyDeleteYES ratings will fall. Kids will be being Mets merchandise.
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The douche will have to spend more.
If a walk-on college BB billionaire can spend 4 billion on an NBA franchise and get saddled with a WNBA team as a "luxury tax," then Halotosis can pony up more.
Correa has agreed to move to 3B as I had thought. We could have done that.
Get an insurance policy in case of injury, as I think we did with Ellsbury.
Boondoggle is excepting a bounce back year from Donaldson, so I guess that we are fretting for nothing.
The current Yankees regime is an embarrassment. Cohen is the kind of owner we need, but won't have in our lifetimes. I really think it's time to at least watch the Mets, maybe more often than the Yanks.
ReplyDeleteIn baseball terms, you knocked it outta the park Duque! Thanks for this early christmas present. I still contend Matt would’ve fit right in next year. Stanton will take his usual extended summer vacation, Judge will get hurt, Bader’s fasciitis will reoccur, and Hicks…well, you know the drill.
ReplyDeleteWe are indeed the #2 team in NYC , all thanks to Cashman, Steinscummer, and the sycophantic toads they’ve surrounded themselves with. Wasn’t it just last week that there was talk about a huge move (beyond Rodon) that Kay, Heyman, and the rest of the gaslighters were chirping about? Was it Correa? Ohtani? Tatis? Soto? Michael Hermosillo! Good times, my friends, good times…
Post of the year, Duque! And the mustachioed Ingrid Bergman is the cherry on top!
ReplyDeleteLoved Matt.
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ReplyDeleteHere's looking at Aaron Hicks, kid.
You got me good with that one....
That was, GREAAATTTTTT!!!!!!! Like Doug, I'm glad I wasn't drinking coffee.
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