For years, the Giambino had used his secret talisman to ward off soul-crushing slumps, even if it meant surviving ball-crushing movements. His willingness to share the magnificent, silky and crotch-rot-infested totem with a teammate is why Giambi will someday make a great Yankee manager.
These days in the Yankiverse, nothing is happening. Every morning feels like Groundhog Day. Wait... it is godamm Groundhog Day. Yesterday, we signed a minor league pitcher named Gray Fenter. Today, people are still digesting prospect rankings, as if they matter. We are two weeks away from the opening of Campa Tampa.
On that note, let's spin the Wayback to 2004, and enjoy a little hoity-toity, New Yorker intellectual poetry.
GIAMBI'S GOLDEN THONG
On days when drives are flying long,
And pitchers wonder what’s gone wrong?
The Bronx winds sing this joyous song:
“Giambi’s in his golden thong!”
.
Each swing reveals Giambi’s might,
Each wince inspires his mates to fight,
They know too well his painful plight:
One ball hangs left, one ball hangs right.
He leads the veteran team attack,
True courage, he shall never lack!
He eyes the pitch, then takes his whack
As golden threads ascend his crack.
Then comes the time when life turns wrong,
When wins grow short, and losses long,
And Bronx winds sing their saddest song:
“Giambi’s lost his golden thong!”
ReplyDeleteI remember that poem. Good one then. Good one now.
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Hey, what's with Jeter's new vulnerability? He's on TV a lot more than ever and seems willing to "appear" lighter and less intense. Like on his awkward interview with Eli Manning the other day.
Clearly it's part of a PR strategy but I wonder to what end.
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Jeter's is not the only baseball player to wear women's clothing to try to break out of a slump.
There was the ill-fated attempt by Jesus Montero when he chose to Carmen Miranda's fruit hat and immediately slashed a gapper but was thrown out on the way to first because he stopped to eat some grapes.
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BTW: The best read this AM is Keefe to the City's evisceration of Aaron Hicks. Just devastating.
https://keefetothecity.com/brian-cashman-still-believes-in-aaron-hicks/
Quick taste...
"The only path to removing Hicks from the Yankees has been and continues to be to release him. No team wants Hicks and the $31,357,144 owed to him. No team wants a 33-year-old outfielder who is coming off a .216/.330/.313 season in which he was benched multiple times and answered being benched by performing even worse than the performance that led to the benching. No team wants a player who has missed 40 percent of his team’s games over the last seven years or an outfield bat that has hit 30 home runs total in the last four years."
Ouch!
Perhaps Hicks just needs a thong. Then he can sing, "With a thong in my heart..." Although it wouldn't exactly be his heart.
ReplyDeleteLet's not forget Nuke LaLoosh wearing that garter. Even if he did have the rose pointing in the wrong direction.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there was Marv Albert wearing the whole ensemble underneath his suit.
Both men at the top of their game.
Hilarious, JM; hilarious, Duque!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, what IS up with Jeets and his (still smokin') bride? They seem to have hit the new, mid-life crisis of the super-rich (though neither is close to midlife yet).
Made tons of money. Check.
Became world (well, all right, American) famous. Check.
Had adorable kids, assuring the gene pool is preserved. Check
And now...?
Not sure either has the executive, JLo sort of chops to move into a new career. Derek got used and abused by his boss on th e Marlins. A logical place for him would be the Yankees, but when you have Generalissimo Cashmondo, GM for Life...
Maybe now that Brady's retired, Giambi can QB the Bucs. Whaddya think, Mike?
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