Yesterday's news, however painful, did not taze anyone who has followed Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman's career over the last five presidential administrations. They foresaw the asteroid:
Projected 4th starter Frankie "Sonny" Montas will undergo shoulder surgery next week, which means...
2. Along with Nestor Cortez's hammy, the Yank rotation is down by 2/5, without a pitch being thrown.
3. The Union of Concerned Yank fans has moved the Yankee Doomsday Clock one minute closer to midnight (aka Yankeegeddon.)
4. Cashman's amazing string of bad pitching acquisitions remains intact.
5. The odds have risen that Cashman will need to trade for pitching. (For context, see #4)
Lately, I've detected a strange undercurrent of hope among the Gammonites, bloggers and homeless internet whack-jobs who follow the Yankees. For some reason, the Yankees seemed to have "won" the AL East this winter, and I wondered, WTF?
Now, I admit that we at It Is High have a tendency to dwell upon the misery side of Yankee life. I plead guilty, with a note of pride: We are a fan base that demands world championships, not postseason appearances. To us, a mere winning record is a travesty. The only successful season is one that ends in a ring. Got that?
What I see today is the same basic Yankee team that played .500 over the second half of 2022. It's a roster of china dolls and underachievers, wrapped around a superstar. We kept last year's stars - Judge and Rizzo, swapped Carlos Rodon for Jameson Taillon, and dumped El Chapo for Tommy Kahnle. But with the news about Montas, Cashman's hard-won reputation remains intact.
He cannot judge pitching.
The landscape is strewn with wreckage. Michael Pineda. Sonny Gray. Christian Vasquez, twice. He traded Mike Lowell for four young arms, Gary Sheffield for three. He gave it up for Kevin Brown, Kenny Rogers, Jared Wright, Jose Contreras, Kei Igawa, Carl Pavano and early Nathan Eovaldi. He signed an ancient Randy Johnson, a declining Roger Clemens, the too early/too late Bartolo Colon - don't get me started - while Boston traded for aces such as Josh Beckett, Chris Sale, and late Eovaldi. Should we feel nervous about Gerrit Cole's health, or that Boston is planning a rotation built on former Yanks: James Paxton, Corey Kluber and Garret Whitlock?
We haven't even opened camp, and we're down two starters.
S.O.S.
Don't forget Ted Lilly for Jeff Weaver. As for the SPs. They are one punch away from German being gone for the season. Clark "Kent" Schmidt sucks! Maybe Little Pedro will make a comeback. After those two losers there is nobody. The best options are now pitching for the Cubs & the A's. So now this loser will trade Volpe and Spencer Jones for some 35yr old who pitches 150 innings a year. It's like watching "Groundhog Day", except this loser doesn't learn from his mistakes.
ReplyDeleteYet another one of Cashole's brilliant acquisitions. He never ceases to disappoint me.
ReplyDeleteNestor’s groin, now his hammy?
ReplyDeleteThat’s a Nasty, double whammy!
Frankie stanky? Arm all wanky?
Yes indeed, ‘cause
He’s a Cashman Yankee!
Make things worse?
Let Judge play first!
Hal’s empty purse!
More Bubbles will burst!
Please don’t let
2023 be a curse!
WHERE’S MY NURSE ?? !
AA, well said.
ReplyDeleteActually, Montas being out for the season is fine with me. I was kind of hoping something would happen to keep him from losing time and again this year, and now it has.
So, addition by subtraction, I say. Losing him is not an SOS. It's a godsend.
I mean, really, what does it matter? Suddenly we're going to be WS championship material, with or without him (cue Bono)? The team has crippling issues named Donaldson and Hicks, we don't have a closer, Cashman traded away our pitching future plus Monty, to boot...
Montas? Who the fuck cares? German and Schmidt aren't going to be any worse.
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ReplyDeleteI was thinking that we should do a Mt. Rushmore of Aasshman's bad pitching trades,
ReplyDeleteBut, to paraphrase one of my favorite cops, "We're going to need a bigger mountain."
After last year, to say that my enthusiasm has been curbed is the understatement of the ages,,,,, Cashman Cashman Cashman, at least we can say he's consistent> URRRRRRGGGG!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAs Donovan sang "First there is a Montas, then there is no Montas, then there is. It's sad to see Frankie go. He won the hearts & minds of many Yankee fans over his time here. Who could forget those 2-3 inning stints where he gave up 5-6 runs. Maybe they'll retire his jersey, so future fans can feel the pain of the C'assman!
ReplyDeleteWe'll find a young arm or two...we drafted a whole bunch of them...
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ReplyDelete"I was thinking that we should do a Mt. Rushmore of Aasshman's bad pitching trades, But, to paraphrase one of my favorite cops, "We're going to need a bigger mountain.""
ReplyDeleteHey AA - Archie has thrown down the gauntlet. If you have time and decide to do it send it to me and I'll slap it up.
Brilliant, AA!
ReplyDeleteAnd I quite agree, JM: I was counting on Montas for exactly nothing. He's not even an inning eater; more an inning vomiter, going 3-4 bad frames until the pen has to be called in.
Doug - our leader has unknowingly inspired me to do something first. When that’s completed I’ll reach out.
ReplyDeleteCooperstown Cashman AKA Genius Cashman. The guy is a putz who has wise cracks and not much else. He is not good if he ever was, at his job. Cheapskate and clueless Hal is afraid to part with The Genius. No Worls Series appearances, period!
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