Monday, February 20, 2023

Hope Week continues: DJ says his troubled bigtoe is good to go

Generally, when it comes to complex medical matters, I try to break things down to the simplest terms, so the bootless and uneducated among you can follow along. Unfortunately, to do justice to today's clinical matter, I must get a bit precise, in terms of predisposed nomenclature, heretofore. 

Over winter, DJ LeMahieu chose against having bigtoe surgery.  

This was no easy decision. DJ had recruited a top big toe surgeon with a pedigree in bigtoe work: bigtoe-ectomys, big toe reductions, bigtoe enhancements and cosmetic bigtoe bunion lifts. He was on the verge of dipping his bigtoe into the surgical waters, so to speak, but in the end, he told el bigtoe, "Hell, no!" He'd keep his old bigtoe, warts and all, and let the healing balm of Mother Time weave her bigtoe-saving magic.

Apparently, DJ's old bigtoe - the one that hits .330 - is back!   








Listen: It's a given that Aaron Judge and Gerrit Cole are the two biggest bigtoes on the Yankee foot brigade. If either accidentally chops off a bigtoe, say, in a tragic kitchen accident, we're screwed. If all four bigtoes stay healthy - (remember: each man has two) - we have a shot. But beyond those two key cogs, the 2023 Yankees face a pair of widely divergent scenarios:

1. A healthy and happy DJ bigtoe. He bats leadoff, hits .320 and plays 140 games at 3B, 2B and 1B, wherever needed. This is the team to beat in the AL East.

2. An angry and barking DJ bigtoe. He hits .250, requires special socks, and often hops on one foot, running the bases. This team chases the AL wild card.

We can talk wistfully about the bigtoes of Oswald Peraza and Anthony Volpe, and we can dread the return of Isiah Kiner-Falefa and Josh "No Show Toe" Donaldson, but it is LeMahieu's mammoth foot walrus that solves nearly all our infield toe woes - or leaves us with no sure solution.

Today, the bigtoe feels crackingly fine. Cross your fingers. And toes. 

18 comments:

  1. Toetally correct.

    I’ll let myself out….

    ReplyDelete
  2. In honor of Presidents' Day, name an American President whose name contains the word "toe."

    And no, Woodtoe Wilson doesn't count.

    ReplyDelete

  3. My wife thought Joe Maddon looked like a toe. We called him The Big Toe. Not sure why* but we thought it was funny.

    * not sure why she thought he looked like a toe and not sure why we thought it
    was funny when it clearly isn't

    ReplyDelete

  4. name an American President whose name contains the word "toe."

    Hmmmmm.

    George Washingtoen
    Toemas Jefferson
    Zachary Toeylor
    Bill Clintoe
    Barack Toebama
    Toe Biden

    Seems like there are a lot. Maybe it's a trick question?



    John Tyler's name contains all the letters in "toe", just not in the right order and not all together. Outside of that and the few dopey jokes submitted above, I got nothin'...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I really don't think there is a President with "toe" in his name, in the order t-o-e.

    But I think we should change all the history books to reflect what LBJ and Doug said.

    ReplyDelete
  6. It's possible for his toe to quiet down, even return to normal. With competitive athletes, though, it's more likely that, with continued hard use, his toe will start acting up again at some point during the season. Chances are, halfway through the season, we'll have a repeat of the same problem from last year. And, at his age now, DJL will be prone to breaking down from any number of physical issues. But nobody knows for sure, except The One Upstairs Who Calls All the Shots.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hammer -

    "But nobody knows for sure, except The One Upstairs Who Calls All the Shots."

    Hal?

    Duque -

    Good one.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Doug K. No, not that bimbo HAL. What does he know, except how to keep kicking the can down the street all the way to the bank. Ha, ha. I meant the Highest of all Highs, the beginning and the end, Almighty God.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You guys must have been training hard. You seem toe be in midseason form.

    ReplyDelete
  10. If DJ's toe starts barking and he can't play, Yankees should bring back Ronald Torreyes, the OG Toe. No, not to play. For his stem cells.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is one of the all-time best threads.

    I was going to suggest, what about James Montoe and Theotoe Roosevelt, but I think we've already named enough.

    That said, of the 46 men who have been president of the United States, 5 have the letters for "toe" in their first and last names combined:

    George Washington,
    Thomas Jefferson
    The aforementioned John Tyler
    Theodore Roosevelt
    Franklin Roosevelt

    ReplyDelete
  12. Belzer's last three words include every one of those letters, once more than once, babe.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Perhaps we can incorporate Belzer's last words into a our feelings towards Hal, Cashman and Boone.

    ReplyDelete

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