Report from the A-Y

 

Faintly, teasingly, a transmission from the A-Y—the Alternate Yankeeverse—cut through the time-space-dimension barrier yesterday. The broadcast was frequently unintelligible due to static—and efforts by Lonn Trost and Randy Levine—to jam the signal, but enough came through to give us a tantalizing glimpse of that other world.

For those of you who don't know, the A-Y is a wondrous place, where the Yankees have won 76 pennants and 71 World Series. Its discovery has led scientists to speculate that there are probably other Alternate Baseball Universes, such as Ultimate A-Y, where the Yankees NEVER lose (perhaps too extreme an environment even for those of us on this site), or the "Darkverse," in which Boston and the Mets alternate as perennial champions (which some theologians feel may just be a fancy name for Hell).

In any case, let's take a listen to the A-Y broadcast of Manager Hensley "Bam-Bam" Meulens' first press conference of the spring, in which he answers reporters' questions easily in English and Spanish.

PRESS: Skip, the Yanks have now won the last 6 straight AL pennants, and 5 pennants. What do you say to people who say that's just too much?"

HM: I say to them (sings):  "New York, New York!" (Laughter)

Look, I understand that fans of other teams are frustrated. But what can I say? I'm just grateful that our GM, Buck Showalter, gave me this opportunity back in 2015—and this team! I mean, after he won 20 World Series as manager, no one would have blamed Buck if he had just rested on his laurels. Instead, he took over as GM after Mr. Michael retired, and put together these great teams for me.

PRESS: What about the support from the Steinbrenner family?

HM: (Looks worried, puts a finger to his lips) Shhh! You know as well as I do that the Steinbrenner family likes to keep their names out of anything to do with the team. They prefer to concentrate on all their charitable work, work that has done so much to bring back the Bronx, and I respect that.

PRESS: So how is the team looking? Take us through it.

HM: (Shrugs, smiles) Well, what's there to say? We're set at catcher again, thanks to J.T. Realmuto. You know, after the 2018 season, some people felt we pulled the trigger too early in getting rid of Gary Sanchez, but Buck called that one right.

PRESS: (Incredulous) Gary Sanchez? Where is the human passed ball these days?

HM: Oh, I think the Mets gave him a tryout, didn't they? (More laughter, and derisive cries of, "The Mets!")

Backing him up, Trevino and Higgy will fight it out—one of the few real competitions we'll have this spring.

PRESS: How about the infield?

HM: At first we'll have Jose Abreu, our 2020 co-MVP with DJ. So smart of Stick to sign him out of Cuba, all those years ago. Now, some people feel it was overkill to sign Rizzo, as well. But unlike the rest of us, they're not getting any younger, you know, so we can alternate them, left-righty, one at first the other DHing, pretty much all year.

Second, we're hoping DJ's toe is all right. You know, some people felt we took too big a risk last year, putting Gleyber at the front of that massive deal to get Juan Soto. But it's the same as with Sanchez. When guys just aren't developing—when they're moving backwards, or having trouble running to first base—you gotta make the move. I hope Gleyber will be very happy in Washington.

If DJ can't make it, well, we have the kids, Oswald and Oswaldo, and maybe Volpe. 

And the left side of the infield? When has it ever been stronger? I know the docs still question Correa's leg, but it held up fine for us last year, right through the World Series win over the Dodgers. At third, we got Manny. Yes, he was expensive. Yes, he's terrific.

And then we still have Gio and whichever of the kids make it, to back-up.

PRESS: How about the outfield?

HM: I thought you would never get to that! (Laughter) 

So, now we'll have Juan Soto in left for the whole season. Sure, it was a risk. And sure, 2022 was his worst season in the bigs. But that's the gamble you have to take, if you're going to have a great team, year-in and year-out.

Yes, it cost us. Gleyber, German, Carpenter, and those 8 minor leaguers, most of them pitchers. But we still have plenty of depth on the staff, and we think Soto is worth it.

(Pulls out piece of paper) You know, one of our 18-year-old interns? He wanted us to trade all those pitchers—and Monty!—for a bunch of relievers. Wait, I have them written down here! Um, Lou Trivino, and Scott Effross, and—who's that guy Boston bit on? Oh, yeah: Frankie Montas! 

(Growing, extended laughter) Oh, yeah: and that outfielder the Cards have. Who was already injured? Harrison Bader?

(Members of the press fall over and roll about with laughter) Yeah, well, you know: kids! Their brains aren't fully formed yet. He took a lot of ribbing for that. We suggested he intern with the Knicks next year.

So after that, we have the Twin Towers, Bryce Harper and Mr. Judge, filling out the outfield. 'Nuf ced. Backing them up, we have Christian Yelich, our 2018 and 2019 MVP. We still have high hopes he can come all the way back. But if not, there's J.D. Martinez, who Buck signed back in 2018, and Carpenter, who we got back when he was a free agent after last year and who can also fill in at third or first in an emergency. And then there's Cabrera, who can play anywhere.

Depth, gentleman. That's the real key to building a winner. It's something that Buck Showalter understands.

PRESS: But isn't the pitching getting a little long in the tooth?

HM:  Oh, I dunno. People have been saying that for years. But just look at our starting rotation: Verlander, Scherzer, Cole, Severino, and Rodon. With Jordan Montgomery and Nasty Nestor spot starting or giving us some long relief, then Mike King, Loaisiga, Castro, Peralta, Clarke Schmidt, Weneski, and Holmes filling out the bullpen, one way or another. 

I think we'll be okay. The big question will be if Chris Sale can come back. If he can...then we'll have a dilemma—of the good kind.

PRESS: So, correct me if I'm wrong, but what we're talking about is a lineup of:

Soto, LF

Correa, SS

Judge, RF

Harper, CF

Machado, 3B

Abreu, 1B or DH

Rizzo, 1B or DH

Realmuto, C

LeMahieu, 2B

HM: Yeah, something like that, I guess.

PRESS: What about payroll concerns? Aren't the Yankees pushing $400 million now?

HM: (Shrugs, smiles) As I understand it, with the new Stadium selling out nearly every game at 60,000 seats, TV and radio ratings through the roof, new media, Yankee gear everywhere—I think they can afford it. 

But hey, that's above my pay grade. Go ask Buck about it. Or Jeets, our new assistant GM. Meanwhile, gentlemen—enjoy the Florida sunshine! And the buffet!

PRESS: Wow, is that fresh crab?

At this point, the transmission gave out, leaving us back in the quotidian world of Brian Cashman.