I wake up shivering, soaked in sweat, and as I go to pee, I slowly realize it was merely a dream - then to remember that - gasp! - Schmidt is starting.
This cannot go on. Schmidt, that is. Ever since we lost two-fifths of the rotation, after trading Jordan Montgomery for a guy who does Batman cameos, Schmidt has been a bulwark of the foreshadowed Yankee 2023 meltdown. But you don't need me to tell you this. His numbers tell the story, as horrific as girls snacking on each other on Yellowjackets. Something must happen. Somebody must rise from the scrap heap, or the coal mines of Scranton. (Fun fact: There is nobody.) We cannot go every fifth day with a pitcher hoping to last four innings and give up less than five.
Here's a sobering graphic: Our Scranton pitchers who have started more than one game this season. Read and cower.
Thus, today, we all go naked in the halls, as the Yankees tee up Schmidt in the rubber game of their first 2023 confrontation with a team that openly despises us. I don't know what we did to Toronto that made them the most Yankee-hating club in baseball. Are they just angry Canadians? If so, how do you make a Canadian angry, aside from serving N.A. beer.
Teams Ranked By Their Stone Cold Hatred of the Yankees
1. Blue Jays (inexplicable.)
2. Rays (every March, we eat from their dog dish.)
3. Redsocks (always.)
4. Houston (cheater scum.)
5. Baltimore (from years of abuse.)
6. Mets (obviously.)
7. Royals (still spiteful from long ago.)
8. Giants (missed out on Judge.)
9. Phillies (fans hate everyone.)
10. Twins (longstanding grievances.)
HM: Seattle, Dodgers, Tigers.
Today, Clarke Schmidt starts the rubber match. I gotta believe that a) this is his last shot, b) Boone will empty the bullpen, and c) whatever happens, that recurring dream isn't going away.
PS. Check out my poetic missive on in today's New York Times.)
the Frankie Montas adventure will haunt your fever dreams forever. Last trade deadline, Cashman apparaently announced, "Hey, we've got young, uninjured pitchers to give away. Come get you some!"
ReplyDeleteCongrats on getting another byline in the The NYT! That's very cool, but I'm sorry for you if you actually watched all those videos. Perhaps that's why you are not sleeping well ... that and Clarke Schmidt is pitching today.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Ca$h can trade him for Luis Cessa?
ReplyDeleteWTG el duque!
ReplyDeleteAs for Clarke Schmidt, what will the YES folks say to prop up this guy today? Yanks are in real danger of losing their first series today. Their only hope...rain...
I think Schmidt has ace level stuff, but he doesn't know how to pitch. Very frustrating, and common with young pitchers. Except a 27 year old right hander should have figured things out by now. He's not 23 or 24.
ReplyDeleteI’m plum Tucker’d out, El D!
ReplyDeleteCole seems to be throwing inside more with the fastball. Better command too. Smarter pitching also. His final inning, he walked Vlad the Impaler, I think it was on a 3-2 pitch. His previous three years here, he would've challenged Vlad with a fastball over the plate and Vlad would've corked one out. If he gives up a homer in that situation, Yanks probably lose the game. Pitch carefully to the other team's best hitter in a big spot. Make him hit your pitch or let him take his walk. David Cone wasn't afraid to walk the bases loaded, rather than give in and groove one.
ReplyDeleteDJ back in today's lineup, so he must be OK. He's at 1B and Rizzo is DH
ReplyDeleteJudge back in RF and IKF in CF [Love me my capital abbreviations!]
Peraza back at 3B and Hicks with the ground crew.
Did you see Lil' Tony come up BIG!?
ReplyDeleteIt can and will continue, unfprtunately. There is nobody to replace Schmidtt. Rodon presently has a back issue and who knows what Severino will injure on his way back. If the Yankees did not have the hair issue and The Genuises refusal to part with any prospects, Luis Castillo 29.2 Innings 2-0 1.52. Let's also add the Yankees' I should say Cashman's inability to develop starting pitching. Same old story.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if this is Schmidt’s last stand, for the precise reason Duque pointed out - there is literally no one else. This is crashman’s failure in entering the season with 60% of the starting rotation having a significant history of arm trouble. There was a time when a veteran option would be be waiting in somewhere within the org, but financial limits now take precedent. Wouldn’t we be better served if IKF’s 6M were spent on a veteran arm? So…now it’s up to you Mr. Schmidt - can you give us 5 or 6 decent innings?
ReplyDeleteI swear I misheard Sterling call Schmidt a “meatball slider pitcher”.
ReplyDeleteBy the way Duque, I did read your piece in the NYT. I’ll just say thanks and leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteSchmidt - NoNot too shabby after 4
ReplyDeleteSchmidt okay so far.
ReplyDeleteTucker Carlson never okay. But nice piece, Oh Mighty Leader.
Schmidt...hangs tough through 5! Maybe this is the start of him turning something around. (Maybe not.)
ReplyDeleteBoth pitchers dealing so far. Yanks taking too many third strikes. A leadoff double here from DJLM and we couldn’t move him am inch. We really are a bad offensive team. Really bad.
ReplyDeleteWe need to get into TOR bullpen.
And hilarious piece, Duque!
ReplyDeleteI just happened to read a quote from Mr. Carlson today. And while fearful of violating my own standards on bringing politics onto this blog—AND WHILE THOROUGHLY ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU CAN FIND PEOPLE IN THE CENTER AND ON THE LEFT WHO HAVE SAID EVEN STUPIDER THINGS—I still find this rather weird and horrible.
Carlson on Roger Stone:
"Is it more brilliant and impressive to influence world events or to stand on the periphery of world events and yet get recorded as having influenced world events? Maybe the latter."
Maybe it's "more brilliant and impressive" to pretend you did something than to do it? WTF believe things like this?
Would you rather Schmidt fall apart quickly or drip-drip-drip suckiness over several innings?
ReplyDeleteFaster is better in Schmidtian terms. And that was really fast.
ReplyDeleteThis game’s over. We might still squeeze a run or two out of the TOR ‘pen , but the overall batting approach today has been lousy.
ReplyDeleteThat includes Judge, last 7 games: .130 / .250 / .261 a .511 OPS with a 50 % K-rate., numbers that would make Joey Gallo blush.
Big Tony hit a useless HR, and Lil' Tony takes an 0-fer. Shame.
ReplyDeleteYeah, if Judge doesn't hit, this team is hard pressed to win.
ReplyDeleteToronto had a good starter going today, but he wasn't Sandy Koufax. And WTF was the point of wasting King, one of our top relievers, in mop-up work?
Do you know Boone is an idiot? Have we mentioned that before?
I think we are starting to understand that Boone is an idiot, Hoss, but we probably should discuss it more amongst ourselves. We should really investigate and think about it; make sure it's true.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, El Duque! You've made The Show! But why no mention of IIHIIFIIC?
ReplyDeleteHopefully, only an oversight on their part.
I think almost everyone who has gone to college has had similar dreams. My personal and sporadic nightmare involves suddenly realizing that I'm in a full classroom, sitting in one of those uncomfortable student desks with the the swivel top. A blue essay book is right in front of me and I find myself anxious and sweating more than El Chapo in an August day game relief appearance. I am fully aware that I've skipped all the classes. I don't even know what course I'm taking an exam for. This dream probably has something to do with guilt about fucking off all semester in any number of long-forgotten courses.
As for the Toronto hatred against the Yankees....who gives a crap! Screw them collectively, and Guerrero specifically. By the time he hits 30, he'll be a washed up, fat first-baseman with a bigger waist than Prince Fielder.
You guys are correct to leave politics out of this or someone might start quoting Joe Biden....
ReplyDeleteWTF, my father is more lucid than him and he died in 2006.....just saying.
If you honestly believe that Joe is making any decisions of his own volition, then I have a bridge for sale.
Can't we all just agree to hate on ASSman, Hal and Boonie?
The Black Hole which is our starters after Cole and Cortes.
It's like waiting on Scott Kamieniecki and Sam Militello to get good back in '92
P.S, I never had that dream about showing up for a test having not gone to one class until AFTER I retired!?
ReplyDeleteIs there a doctor in the house that can tell me what that means?
I have never had a problem mentioning politics. Here or anywhere else.
ReplyDelete@ Arch...Who do you think, specifically, is making decisions for Biden? He might have some age-related foibles, but mostly it appears worse than it is because he has always had a very bad stuttering problem which he has overcome to a large degree.
Personally, he is not my favorite for a variety of reasons. Still, he beats anyone on the other team.
So… on this 10 game home stand we went 5-5 and in 8 of the 10 games we scored 3 runs or less.
ReplyDeleteWhen asked about this after the game the befuddled booner said “We need to score runs”
So to address the above, yes - Boone is, in fact, an idiot.
Well done, BTR. Talk amongst yourselves.
ReplyDeleteSchmidt was good, until he was bad.
ReplyDelete