Three years ago, Baltimore was our adorable pet poodle. They came when called, brought our slippers, nestled at our feet. If we shouted angrily, they peed themselves. They respected their master.
Last year, they got a bit barky. They won 7 out of 19, ignored the newspapers lining the floor, even snapped at us once, when chow came late. Bad doggy! we admonished, and wondered, what's gotten into little Balty?
Well, this week, they just came into our living room and took a dump.
They chewed their leash, took two of three, and came within two outs of sweeping us - in our home, no less. They no longer fear us, they growl in our presence, and next time we face them - the week of July 4th - we might feel the collar around our necks.
The O's are a young team jacked from years of drafting high and expunging veterans at the deadline. Their mainstays - Rutschman, Mountcastle, Henderson, Hayes, Mullens, Santander - are all under 30. Each could be a future star.
Meanwhile, the Yankees cannot seem to develop a hitter. Our fan base loves Anthony Volpe and Oswaldo Cabrera - the closest we have to a youth movement - but neither has cleared the Mendoza Line, and the 0-fors are starting to pinch.
It's a wild card year. We have seven games left against Baltimore, six against both Tampa and Toronto, and a full 13 against Boston, who might use the looming Yankee series to decide whether to chase the 2023 wild card or retool. In this millennium - when they have four rings, we have two - the tanking strategy has served Boston well.
The Baltimore series is also a painful reminder that Yankee successes hinge on tomato cans (such as what the O's were.) Currently, MLB has four certified cans: Oakland, Cincinnati, Washington and Colorado. In the last two weeks, we've used up two of them.
We'll play Washington in August, and end the season with Kansas City, a perennial dented tin of Campbells. We won't see Colorado.
The Yankees are 19-11 in the month of May. But take out Cincy and Oakland, and they are 13-11, barely a kibbled bit over .500.
Are the Yankees really good? Or have they simply dined on tomatoes?
MAN-ANGER Boone
ReplyDeleteNibble, nibble, nibble
On too much kibble
Starting to piddle
Can’t manage up the middle
All he wants to do
Is chew, chew, chew
On the men in blue
Hasn’t a clue
So . . .Let’s . . .
Clean his poop up
Off the clubhouse floor
Give him a bone and
Show him the door
Then hire David Cone
Who knows more tricks
Has no ticks
And will
Give us more licks
Want another reason
It might save the damn season
Poetry makes me dizzy. (And yes, we're a team built to put up a decent record because we'll play tomato cans just enough. And also Toronto.)
ReplyDeleteWe've had a hell of a lot of injuries. Not that it makes me feel better, just look at the Dodgers, Padres, Cardinals, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe poodle bites!
(Come on Frenchie)
The poodle chews it!
(Come on snap it!)
This Baltimore thing should not come as a surprise...
ReplyDeleteYankees are a bad team. Incredibly poorly put together. Their 19-11 May record is a big surprise for me. I think I predicted 5 wins in May. So they outdid themselves, but we're seeing all of the reasons why this season ain't going to end well.
ReplyDeleteThanks as usual to HC66 and duque for graciously acknowledging that I was the first person on the blog to note--last night--that Volpe had dropped below the Mendoza Line. This same sort of thing has happened on more occasions than I can count. It's reassuring that the blog does not practice any sort of ostracism or boycott of particpants who don't grovel to the implicit Leninist ethos of the blog anti-analytics party line.
ReplyDelete"It's reassuring that the blog does not practice any sort of ostracism or boycott of particpants who don't grovel to the implicit Leninist ethos of the blog anti-analytics party line".
ReplyDeleteGentlemen, the Vice-President of the United States has spoken in her initiable style. All rise!