For the 2023 Yankees - baseball's Edmund Fitzgerald - it begins tonight in red tide Tampa, and it might conclude its limited run next weekend in NYC.
Seven games against Tampa, baseball's most successful modern franchise.
Seven games, in which the S.S. Edmund will either compensate for its wretched first five weeks, or realistically start focusing on the 2023 AL Wild Card Home Field Advantage, or WCHFA.
Close your eyes, and light the candles. (Actually, light the candles first.) This could get quite ugly, quite soon. The Yankees have used up their Pepsi Points, Raleigh Coupons, Mallo Cup Coins and Rizzutonic juju. What wiggle room they once enjoyed, it's gone the way of Putin's shot at doing a Ted Talk. Yeah, they still have 130 games to play, and, yeah, it's May, but they cannot fall further behind and expect Jack Curry to talk up the pennant race with a straight face. It's WCHFA, all the way! Something's pawing at the front door, and O, what large teeth it has. Crunch Time is here, and we might get crunched.
Over the next 10 days, the Rays could effectively disappear us. A sweep - (and, ugh, it's a possibility) - would put us 13 games out in baseball's toughest division, without enough games against Tampa to cut their lead. Last year, we played them 19 times. This year, 13 - most over by May 15. We must win at least four of this seven. We cannot fall further behind.
Tonight, it's Jhony Brito. Tomorrow, Domingo German. The heart of our batting order includes Jake Bauers and Willie Calhoun. Our closer is, apparently, Clay Holmes. Our manager has the ringed eyes of an abused raccoon. Our GM came up for air, saw his shadow and scurried back down his hole. Our owner is in outer space. As for that howling sound outside? Don't open the front door. What? Too late. It's open? Okay, everybody... time to crunch, or get crunched...
I am humbly willing to donate my unlicked S&H Green Stamps to the Yankees cause.
ReplyDeleteIt just can't happen until AFTER the colonoscopy, ok?
Maybe we can set up a gofuckme page for Hal?
ReplyDeleteHow exactly would that work, CS?
ReplyDeleteAA - S&H green stamps. Yes, that is what was missing.
ReplyDeleteI can still remember most of the words to Alan Sherman's "Green Stamps"
"Some extract of Vanilla. Enough to feed Godzilla. Three hundred pounds of birdseed. Though I haven't got a bird.
A car is what I hope for. What I bought all that soap for.
They promised me the first Studebaker,made in 1965."
Side note: My Uncle Ruby used to smoke Raleighs and used to show me what he could get with the coupons. As he smoked two packs a day he had quite a few. He couldn't decide between the kayak and the Lazy-Boy recliner.
He ended up cashing them in for the iron lung.
I have some Red Rose Tea animal cards if anyone wants them.
ReplyDeleteI also have about 500 stale teabags from the 60s still left from the pestering of my mother to buy more so I could get the animal cards.
BWT, I followed your original instructions and now my drapes are on fire.
What do I do next, oh most Exalted One?
To listen to Genius Cashman, once the reinforcements return, all will be well. The Yankees will fortify their last place standing when they are finished in Tampa.
ReplyDeleteDoug - given those circumstances it seems as if your Raleighs smoking Uncle Ruby made the right choice because one could still sorta kayak in an iron lung.
ReplyDelete"...it's gone the way of Putin's shot at a Ted Talk"
ReplyDeleteBravissimo!
ENOUGH!! believe this team will rise up in righteous indignation and SWEEP these lowlife pretenders like a million brooms!
ReplyDeleteI kid, I kid…
BTR999 - you had me going there for a second.
ReplyDeleteMy Grandfather had a trucking company in NJ. The gas stations gave green stamps. He required the drivers to turn them in. My Grandmother’s house was completely furnished with green stamps. Particularly memorable was a 5ft tall African nymph statue, holding a lyre, and a torchiere. They moved down to the shore in the 80’s. Instead of hiring a moving van, they hired a dumpster. Today they place would be a treasure of Mid-Nixonian Modern design.
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ReplyDeleteMy mom had tons of S & H Green Stamp books filled up but I don't think they were ever redeemed for merch. They'd be worth way more now as a collectible.
ReplyDeleteI was looking at the Yankees and Rays lineup right now, and good golly it is depressing.
ReplyDeleteC
TBR - Christian Bethancourt .224/.274/.507 (.781 OPS)
TBR - Francisco Mejía .204/.259/.327 (.586 OPS)
NYY - Jose Trevino .246/.279/.415 (.695 OPS)
NYY - Kyle Higashioka .182/.217/.318 (.536 OPS)
1B
TBR - Yandy Díaz .327/.432/.606 (1.038 OPS)
NYY - Anthony Rizzo .289/.374/.465 (.839 OPS)
2B
TBR - Brandon Lowe .223/.318/.500 (.818 OPS)
NYY - Gleyber Torres .236/.339/.406 (.744 OPS)
SS
TBR - Wander Franco .298/.366/.545 (.911 OPS)
NYY - Anthony Volpe .221/.325/.356 (.681 OPS)
3B
TBR - Isaac Paredes .263/.330/.444 (.775 OPS)
TBR - Taylor Walls .290/.388/.580 (.967 OPS)
NYY - DJ LeMahieu .260/.324/.430 (.754 OPS)
NYY - Oswald Peraza .188/.316/.219 (.535 OPS)
LF
TBR - Randy Arozarena .325/.391/.590 (.981 OPS)
NYY - Aaron Hicks .146/.212/.146 (.357 OPS)
CF
TBR - Manuel Margot .241/.303/.354 (.658 OPS)
TBR - Jose Siri .244/.289/.463 (.752 OPS)
NYY - Harrison Bader 1-7, probably hurt
NYY - Isiah Kiner-Falefa .196/.237/.196 (.434 OPS)
RF
TBR - Josh Lowe .329/.389/.634 (1.023 OPS)
TBR - Luke Raley .217/.286/.580 (.865 OPS)
NYY - Oswaldo Cabrera .196/.227/.272 (.499 OPS)
NYY - Jake Bauers (1-3)
DH
TBR - Harold Ramírez .338/.404/.638 (1.042 OPS)
NYY - Willie Calhoun .250/.288/.396 (.684 OPS)
I can't remember the last time the Yankees faced a team that had better offensive players at basically every position.
By my count, that's 6 Rays at .280 BA or better. And 6 Rays at .900 OPS or better and 8 at .800 OPS or better.
On the other side, we have 1 Yankee at .280 BA or better. And 0 Yankees at .900 OPS or better and 1 at .800 OPS or better.
Do other teams struggle in trap games or just us?
Hey Carl,
ReplyDeleteMaybe the Transilvania Restaurant and Bar in East haven will take those Green Stamps.
It's worth a try.
And Zachary - thanks for giving us all hope . . .
Tampons are licking their lips, smacking their chops, rubbing their hands. They can't wait to play the Yanks and exact their revenge for losing the season series to the Yanks last year. (If memory serves, Yanks won more than they lost against the Tampons last year. Which was very odd. Probably won't happen again for the next fifteen years at least.)
ReplyDeleteBold Prediction: I think the Tampons will sweep the entire season series against the Yanks this year. That's right, Yanks go 0-13 or 0-12, whatever the series total is this year. Do you see this Yankee team winning one measly game against the Tampon menace this year? I hope they win at least a few, so it's not a total blanking, but I won't get my hopes up. I see total annihilation, a complete wipeout. Tampons are on a mission this year.
Note that this is also coming at what seems like the worst possible time for the Yanks, with the ship taking on water to starboard and about ready to sink and the Tampons flyin' high, soaring, in fact. Why, if the situation was reversed, the Tampons would be licking their lips, smacking their chops, rubbing their hands, eager to get themselves off the mat and ready to knock the Yankees down to size like they always do. The last place 2023 Yankees? They're going to cry for mercy like a beaten dog. Can you say "no mas"?
ReplyDeleteHoly hell Zachary! Also, for my sanity please don't do pitching