Saturday, May 6, 2023

The next Carl Pavano? Kei Igawa? Or the new Britt Burns?


My friend James, who was once ejected from the Big A for rooting too fervently for the Yankees, saw Carlos Rodon's picture today and wrote me that the man "doesn't have a CORE problem. He has a COORS problem."

Hey, what can I tell ya? That somehow, Brian Cashman snuffled out yet ANOTHER pig-in-a-poke, with the acquisition of Carlos Rodon? 

It's hard to argue, based on photos such as this one:

To quote the great Elvis Costello, "He's a fine figure of a man and handsome too/ With his eyes upon the secret places he'd like to undo..."

Actually, his eyes were upon the cheese nachos vendor behind the dugout, but never mind. Once again, Cashman and his crack(ed) medical team have delivered a wonder of a physical specimen. 

I hope Brian's happy now.

The only question remaining about Rodon is whether or not he will set a new record in Cash wasting cash.

Some $20 million was thrown away on Kei Igawa, you'll remember, after Cashie got embarrassed by the Red Sox in the Dice-K sweepstakes. 

He got further embarrassed when Igawa turned out to have the build—and the fastball—of a middle schooler. 

Dice-K went on to pitch Boston to a World Series title. Igawa...not so much. In a weird, sad turn of events, Cashie tried to shame him back to Japan by burying him in Moosic for three entire years, only to have Kei tell him he wasn't going. 

Final score: 2 wins for that $20 mill.

Then, lest we forget—how can we ever forget? it's burned into our brains—there was the Epic of the Bronx Buttocks (and the Florida rehab car crash), the one, the only, Carl Pavano, toast of the back pages.


 For nearly $40 million, the Yankees got a 9-8 record...and a 5.00 ERA in 26 starts...
...averaging about 5.5 innings a start. Terrible pitching AND

wrecking the bullpen!





But really, were we not entertained?




 



With a $162 million contract, "Coors Problem" Rodon threatens to blow those previous marks out of the water, of course, costing the Yankees all by his tubby little self over $100 million more than the Igawa and Pavano contracts COMBINED.

But there's another record he has in his sights, as well. Will Rodon end up pitching even a single inning for your New York Yankees???

Let's go back, back to the halcyon days of 1985, when a young man named Phil Niekro was spinning his knuckleball magic in the Bronx. At the end of that season, after the Yanks finished a mere two games behind Toronto, George Steinbrenner decided to swing for the fences by acquiring Britt Burns, a big southpaw who had won 18 games that year for the Chicago White Sox.

The Yanks surrendered a hard-hitting, weak-fielding catcher named Ron Hassey, and Joe Cowley, who had won 12 games as their No. 3 starter. Burns came to camp, got bombed in two spring training games...and that was that. He never pitched for the Yanks again, in spring training or the regular season.


Turned out, Britt Burns had a chronic hip condition. Which was well-known BEFORE the Yankees acquired him.

Not to blame Burns, who unlike Mr. Coors Problem did everything he could think of to get back on the field, including "a procedure in which his femur was cut in half and re-positioned in order to fit correctly into his hip socket"—something that makes me squirm even writing about it.

However, "the pain was too great," and Burns retired at 27.

Even Mad George was gracious about it, issuing a press release that stated:

"The condition of Britt's hip is such that it would do him an injustice to ask him to pitch this year inasmuch as it could have a serious effect on his ability to lead a normal life later on. We don't want Britt walking around a cripple in later life."

George could well afford to be understanding. Britt Burns cost him all of $750,000 in missed salary.

As for Cashie...

I hope you're happy now.




25 comments:

  1. It wasn't just 20 mill on Kei Igawa. They had to pay a "posting fee" too. According to the 'net, it says that was 26 mill all by itself. So Kei Igawa cost the Yankees 46 mill total. I think it says his Yankee ERA was 6.66. (More on that a bit later.)

    I don't think the Yankees have the scouting in place to make any intelligent decisions on international free agents. It's like shooting blind in the dark at distant sounds in the middle of the night in a wild forest.

    I don't think they have the scouts to know what is available in other teams' farm systems. If they did, I doubt Trashman would resort to bringing guys back for seconds and thirds, like with Tommy Kahnle. He brings these guys back because he figures he'll bring back the devil he knows rather than the devil he doesn't know.

    Inadequate and woefully bad scouting. They spend money like water on free agents when HAL feels like it, but they skimp on the important stuff like scouting and coaching. I think that's the crux of the problem. Bringing in new blood and developing it has to be the foundation of any sports franchise. If that foundation is rotten, then woe to you, oh earth and sea, for the devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows the time is short. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast. For it is the number of a man. And his number is B R I A N C A S H M A N.

    ReplyDelete
  2. NEW YORK POST
    Aaron Boone admits Rays do things 'we can't' despite payroll, market disparity
    Like, manage, develop players, no when to trade players and sign players. Other than that the organization are close.

    ReplyDelete
  3. And btw just to harp on the finance theory once again. They probably knew perfectly well that Rodon had a bad back and that it was chronic. But they went for it anyway because (1) they really don't want to win or couldn't care less and they simply wanted to blow some money in order to reduce net profits (2) it would continue the mirage that the NYY go out and get the "best" players and that this means that they're winners and that would put fannies in the seats. You have to wonder how much of the lost salary will insurance pick up? I've a feeling that HAL doesn't lose much by this signing.

    They might have wanted to blow some money this year because they made it all the way to the ALCS last year. When HAL wanted Trashman to design a team that would fall on its face in the wild card. They not only won the division and avoided the wild card but won their first playoff series. Perhaps they made too much money last year.

    If that was their crazy thinking, it might have backfired big time this year. Because this team is going to finish dead last in the A.L. east. I hope nobody goes to the games. The only thing that'll get HAL's attention is dead silence, empty seats. Are they going to go back to the artificial noise when it's dead quiet?

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ Celerino, Thanks for pointing out that NY Post article. Just read it. Boone being brutally honest. Good for him. What he left unsaid is that Kevin Cash is a helluva better manager.

    Some of the points made in the article are hilarious, however. Take a look at this one: "It is easier for the Rays than the Yankees to sell off talent and damage their playoff odds for the sake of maintaining competitiveness in the future."

    Think about that for a moment. The Rays sell off talent and DAMAGE their playoff chances in exchange for the future.

    Ummm, I beg to differ from the Post writer. The Rays have smart baseball people who know when to get rid of their crap and clean house. They have smart baseball people who know what players to ask for in a prospective deal, and they then develop those players to the best of their abilities. They seem to get better with every trade. Since when do the Rays damage their playoff chances to prepare for the future? Waldman is always saying on the radio broadcast that, if the Rays call, a GM should just hang up the phone. Yes, they must have the scouting in place to know who to acquire. But they also have the coaching in place to develop that talent.

    At best, Yankees are simply a classic example of mismanagement. At worst, they are a phony, devious organization that has lost its way, lost its soul. Or somewhere in between. Take your pick on the scale of worthlessness.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And one last thing before today's comedy starts. I think it is a mighty strange coincidence that Rodon gets hurt the instant he gets here. Yes, the guy was injury prone. I know. But to get injured in early spring training?

    We're only looking at this from the outside, so we can only guess what's going on. But the back injury sure sounds like the Yankee coaches had him doing barbell squats or something like that. And with his oversized gut hanging over his belt, the old spine just couldn't take too much too quickly.

    They probably told him "we don't care what program you were on last year that kept you healthy. You're here now, so you'll get with our program. This program will add another 1 mph to your average fastball, add another 25 revolutions to your average spin rate, and you'll be the lefty equivalent of Jacob DeGrom. We know what we're doing. Just do as we tell you."

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, I see from the comments that we're kicking the same can. And I heartily agree.

    Kick away.

    German wearing number zero is a great joke that I'm sure he doesn't get.

    ReplyDelete

  7. This is from Twitter:

    Post Wednesday's game, Kay said he asked Cashman if he ever let’s his managers coach with their gut. He said, "Of course, but if it goes poorly they'll have to explain themselves to the front office."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Soooo ... what else what else ... Hrrmm ... oh! Tampa seems to be putting together a nice year.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hicks is already in mid-season form.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Am I watching alternative reality?

    ReplyDelete
  11. So we've taken the late lead. Looks like we will get off the island. Perfect situation for a Gilligan. Who will earn the hat today?

    ReplyDelete

  12. Holmes??!!! Holmes!!?????? What the absolute fuck!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Holmes? Well I'm pretty sure we have our answer.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Get King in, Boone.

    Idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hicks is just worthless.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Theeeeeeeeeeee...Yankees...win!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Do we dare to think of another win tomorrow? C0L3

    ReplyDelete
  18. Your friend James is very funny. I now call him Carlos Pavano Ellsbury Rodon. Another excellent Genius Cashman move. 25 million for the buffoon GM.

    ReplyDelete

Members of the blog can comment. To receive an e-mailed invitation, write to johnandsuzyn@gmail.com. And check spam if it doesn't show up. (Google account required.)

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.