Not only does Aaron Judge openly cheat, defying the rules of hockey ball, but then he has the UNMITTIGATED AUDACITY to hurt our maple leaf, ehhhh?
Bad gas travels fast in a small city. I hope Vladdy Jr. gives them a bar down Bardownski, 'cause he'll NEVER play for the Yankees, nope, not now, not never! You don't big-league the town by handing out full-size candy bars on Halloween, 'cause it makes everybody look cheapski. Junior won't never play for them, not even on an All-Star team, if "Fat Boy" Boone is managing - not that it can happen. As far as Torontanians - or Letterkennians - are concerned, the Yankees are dead. Dickwad dead! Harm our maple leaf? Yain't leaving with all yer Chicklets!
Last night, the O's of Woe Canada whinnied wand whined, and - in the May of another looming season of wasted talent - won a meager ounce of flesh. They complained about Domingo German, who got bounced - again - leading to Ian Hamilton tweaking his groin. Congrats, Canada: A double bank shot - German and Hamilton. You really got us.And when the Yanks coughed up that three-run lead, who here didn't expect the floorboards to cave in and for Toronto to win by 10?
Ahh, but the Jays had gone and done it:
They pissed off Judge.
Bad idea.
For five seasons now, Toronto has been ascending behind a surge of young talent that - any minute now - should win the world series. Since Junior arrived in 2019 - age 20 - the Jays have been the IT girl, the upcoming, future, can't-miss dynasty of tomorrow. And what do they have to show? Another suspension for German and Ian Hamilton's barking groin. On Letterkenny, that's what they'd call an "airball."
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Okay, I realize that I'm breaking the Fourth Wall here. On this blog, nobody is supposed to ever view the Yankees as anything but a rank disappointment, because - well, look at the standings, fer kricesake.
But imagine the frustration we'd feel if Toronto was our team.
Their battle cry? Junior won't never play for the Yankees. Well, whoopedy-fuckin-do.
I am now speak to the juju gods: I certainly don't expect a sweep tonight, because - hey - you're gonna do what you're gonna do. We've seen your shit. You get us hopeful, and then you pull the welcome mat. And the Yankees often don't show the killer instinct to gut and field dress a team when it's down. They sing the Meat Loaf song about two out of three, and head to the next city.
But Toronto did something they shouldn'a done:
They went and pissed off Aaron Judge. God help them. It can get mighty cold up down there.
After spending way too much of my time in Canada for the purpose of hockey , baseball and soccer tournaments over the years with my kids, I have reached the conclusions that they are just angry little brothers. They hate to lose to us in any sport.
ReplyDeleteHockey was the worst and we would always have to go places in groups if we beat a Canadian team.
They love our money and love that we basically protect them from harm. They also love our southern beaches in January.
Their food and climate suck.
Toronto is NYC without charm and good health care.
They have an inferiority complex.
This Jays team has taken on that inferiority complex.
P.S., I saw their tubby manager call someone a "fatboy". Well Johnny , there is a reason I don't call anyone a fat bald asshole with a shriveling dick and a swollen prostate.
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ReplyDeleteIt would, though, be great to sweep a four game set from these whining losers.
ReplyDeleteO, Canada.
That was such a satisfying win yesterday,,,, it's been awhile since I was riveted listening to every pitch!
ReplyDeleteThe Blue Jays really remind me of the Yankees.
ReplyDeleteOverhyped prospects and a young team anointed by the media.
A lineup far too right-handed.
A lineup that's fairly impotent after you get past the 2-4 hitters.
Haven't won a pennant or title despite the hype.
Coming up small in the biggest moments.
Terrible manager.
Ought to spend more money than they do.
Etc.
Let's see when they throw at Judge and what happens after that?
ReplyDeleteCanada has one and two dollar coins. Extremely difficult to slip under a g-string.
ReplyDeleteAnd Zach, you are spot on. Funny if it weren't so pathetic.
Oh, but the women in Montreal are so damn friendly and pretty!
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ReplyDeleteAnd it'd be Loonie to try and put a coin under a g-string!
ReplyDeleteCarl,
ReplyDeleteI just can't get past the hairy armpits (and sometimes legs) of the women in Montreal.
Fives are a better return on your investment anyway.
So a Canadian fiver is only 4 American. Yeah, cheaper lap dances up north.
DeletePretty damned funny, Duque. And hey, we give the Yanks their props when they win.
ReplyDeleteI was curious how many of their players were actually Canadian…. It’s 28. Ever. In 40 years. At least Volpe is from New Jersey.
ReplyDeleteOne of them is old friend Russell "Coltrane" Martin.
ReplyDeleteWow, what a nutty game! The only thing missing was a benches clearing professional wrestling battle royale. That might be a comin', stay tuned.
ReplyDeleteFat boy!? I split my sides laughing about that one. Who are they calling fat boy? The human personification of the Fat Man Atom Bomb is on their team (in the form of Vlad the Impaler).
Judge all of a sudden looks like he's got his focus on. Locked and loaded! Maybe he's turning a corner in Toronto, the city of the Pale Blue Pajama Boys.
The Gleyber taketh, and the Gleyber taketh away. What the hell is Gleyber doing?! He's in the middle of everything. Some good, some bad, and some ugly. He seems particularly out of control in this series. They should've traded him at the deadline last year.
Someone here suggested that Cashman should try to package Gleyber and Severino for young pitching. A few days ago, I would've done that in a heartbeat, but right now, with a suspension looming over Domingo German, looks like that trade would have to be put on hold. Here comes Severino with the 7th Cavalry to the rescue! Hope he doesn't gallop headlong into an ambush!
No need to get your hopes up: Cashman ain't never going to trade Gleyber. He's going to hang on to him until Gleyber walks away as a free agent. We'll get the lousy compensatory draft picks. With which Cashman will find two new Clarke Schmidt type injured pitchers who need Tommy John surgery. That's what he always does. It's so predictable here. You could set a clock by the way they operate. Cashman should work for the Union Pacific Railroad.
Domingo German: says the brown stain on his pants is tobacco juice. Do players still do that these days? Holy hell, he's got to stop, if he wants to keep his teeth and gums. Take a page from BaBoone and Judge, get big league chew bubble gum.
Umpires said that German's hand was the stickiest hand he's ever touched. "[I]t’s the worst hand we’ve ever felt during a game". Perhaps Domingo's been eating extra sweet honey barbecue wings and drinking Coca Cola before the game and between innings.
Hammer,
ReplyDeleteYou should trademark that, honeytack. New meaning to sticky fingers.