Them buggers are ripeass Filthy McNastys. But doncha worry. I aint gonna wriggle my pelvis into nobody else's tighty-whiteys over this, nosiree. A dirty game does what a dirty game gonna do.
I mean, yeah, we can sit here and butt-dial the juju gods. But that'd be being a Polly Pillbox, and I aint no Polly Pillbox. Sure, yeah, okay, granted: We lost 15-5. I can't sugar coat it: Someone left the cake out in the rain.
But, hey, let's not overlook the bright side.
1. We scored five runs. Who's a big team? WE'RE A BIG TEAM!
2. Take away Boston's 13 runs over the first four, and the Yankees won 4-2! Without using Clay "Sherlock" Holmes. (Elementary, my dear Boone!)
3. Josh Donaldson's towering, 8th inning solo-shot cut the Redsock lead to nine. This guy, he's a solo-shot machine! You better believe that our rivals only want him coming up with runners on base, when he can't hit another solo-bolo.
4. Domingo German didn't get himself suspended. Way to go, Number O.
5. We unveiled the legendary Dollar General Outfield: Calhoun, McKinney and Bauers! (Oh my!) Shades of 2013: Vernon Wells, Zolio Almonte and Melky Mesa! The things you can find in recycling bins!
6. Around the fifth, David Cone opined that baseball might consider a mercy rule. It's always great when your color man wants to go home.
7. In the eighth, another foul ball almost hit John Sterling in the booth. If The Master yelps in a forest, does anybody hear it?
8. The Death Barge maintained its also-ran pace since last June. They have now gone a full calendar year as a .500 team. Take a bow, front office!
9. They might be irreparably behind the Mets in tabloid back pages, the first time since IT IS HIGH began the count. Take another bow, Mister Hal.
Next up, perhaps a well-deserved rainout, to rest their bones after all these gosh-darned nuances.
El duque,
ReplyDeleteIt took too long to bake and I will never have the recipe again,
Oh nooooooooo!
Hey I pulled my nuance back in 1984 and it still hurts, so back off El Duque!!
ReplyDeleteBoone must have hired Kamala's speech writer.
ReplyDeleteHey Folks I got a million of 'em. Try the meatballs and linguine.
Or was it , it took so long to bake it?
ReplyDeleteConey once again proving that he is the only member of Pravda, er I mean YES, worth listening to.
ReplyDelete6. Around the fifth, David Cone opined that baseball might consider a mercy rule. It's always great when your color man wants to go home.
ReplyDelete==Rufus T. Firefly said Coney once again proving that he is the only member of Pravda, er I mean YES, worth listening to -- 100% correct. Kay is such a Cashman apologist I'm surprised his arm isn't sore for carrying so much of Brian's water.
8. The Death Barge maintained its also-ran pace since last June. They have now gone a full calendar year as a .500 team. Take a bow, front office!
--Wow!! With such a mediocre performance surely Cashman is in line for a contract extension and a bonus.
El Duque, one more for your list:
ReplyDelete10. Stanton, hitting #2, came up in the 9th inning as the last potential out. If he'd hit #3, he probably doesn't get to Last Chance Saloon.
WHUPPEEEEEEEEE! Wow, if not for that last chance at bat, I know we'd have lost. Folks, that's why we have our best strikeout artist hitting #2. One more at bat in a big situation, trailing 15-5. He disappointed, though, there was no strikeout there.
Volpe had two walks and a hit. He did kill an inning with the double play ball. But it seems like he's doing better since the Chicken Parmigiana Incident.
ReplyDeleteGleyber Torres continues to make a mistake per game. In this game, actually, he made at least two.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he got credit for them, though. The first inning base running play, he made it to third base, so it doesn't show up as a blunder, but it was a blunder. And then the error that was not an error.
Rizzo joined in on the fun with his errors that were not errors. And Domingo German picked a great time to lay an egg.
My inside sources has found out that Cashman has been granted the Dukeshire of Olde
ReplyDeleteYork and can , by operation of United Kingdom and the Law of Peerage, maintain his position with the Yanks until death. Any bastard children he has can assume his position upon his death regardless of their age.
He also been granted landed estates in Chatsworth N.J.
I do not have the knoweldge or expertise to make any telling intelligent remarks to add to this debate
ReplyDeleteI can only say in my opinion that Cashman is a bigger bum than 2 arses
Hammer,
ReplyDelete"the Chicken Parmigiana Incident"
Is that anything like the String Cheese Incident?
If I was a pitcher, I'd have been pissed at all the errors that were not errors. Are they trying to kill my ERA?
ReplyDeleteHouck probably looks like he got knocked out by Mike Tyson. If I was a pitcher, I'd have my glove coming up right beside my face as I throw the ball. He tried to get his glove up, but it was coming up from his waist level and couldn't reach his face in time.
What was that novel where the kid with glasses gets bonked in the face with a come-backer, The Chosen by Bernard Malamud or something like that.
@ Rufus, I had to google the String Cheese Incident. The only string cheese I knew of was Polly-O's. Anyways, I've been stuck in a time warp with Led Zeppelin and this was the first time I'd ever heard of a band called the String Cheese Incident.
ReplyDeleteHammer and Roofur - looks like the team is offering from a tape worm incident
ReplyDeleteThe Once Bronx Bombers are noe the Bronx Clowns.
ReplyDelete7. In the eighth, another foul ball almost hit John Sterling in the booth.
ReplyDelete--I'm in for a sizable donation toward body armor for The Master. We must protect John. He and Suzyn are part of the last links to a fading but glorious past.