Today, that's where we sit - or squat - following last night's latest joyless, spirit-shredding defeat, which featured yet another bullpen collapse and walk-off, testament to the brutality that the Yankees routinely inflict upon fans.
UNCLE!
There. I've shrieked it. No more! Do you hear me? The towel's tossed. The britches are peed. Pull my hand from the garbage disposal. I've seen enough. I capitulate. I'll do whatever you require. I'll sing your praises. I'll do Mr. Levine's laundry. Just make it stop. That's all I ask. In the name of Thurman, of Yogi, of the Mick... MAKE IT STOP.
Statistically, the 2023 Yankee season is not over. Thanks to the MLB town fathers, every dog in this pet show wins a ribbon. A team barely a weekend above .500 has a shot at the postseason. So, yeah, maybe this Barge of the Dead will win 20 in a row and roll into October, and maybe the orcas will show themselves opposed to casino gambling, and maybe Zuck will fight Elon, and Kim will marry Tom, and maybe I'm still cognitive: Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV. We can hope for miracles. They happen all the time on the Hallmark Channel, between ads for hard liquor and boner pills. But damn, we're watching the kind of dead puppy losses that portend another empty season - the 14th straight - and they always end with the cruelest of news: that Brian Cashman has work to do, as he'll be back next year!
But here's the rub. I don't think it'll happen. I think something has changed. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's the rise of the Mets. Maybe it's the volume of Hal's wasted spending, or the sheer brutality of 2023, which follows last year's trade deadline disaster, when Cashman literally dealt away all hope.
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I think is his Cashman's last year in control of the Yankee dial of destiny.
I'm not saying he will be fired. That would require Hal Steinbrenner to dirty his hands and face whatever photographs Cashman has on him, which have ensured his job security for so many years. I'm saying Cash will step down - (or up, maybe the Death Barge will give him a big job title and an office with a click-clack desk thingy and miniature putting green.) But he'll disappear.
And if Cashman has any loyalty to the Yankee cause, this must be the Aug. 1 when the Yankees forget that ludicrous miracle theory and prepare for 2024.
I don't suggest we scrap everything for 2025. Gerrit Cole and Aaron Judge are at career peaks. We can win next year. But this is no time to trade any prospect - not even the pups down in Florida, who play 9 a.m. games and learn English from Wheel of Fortune. We don't need Cody Bellinger, who the Cubs would trade in a heartbeat for a future star. He's got the Gallo virus. Frankly, I'd rather see Clay Bellinger.
It's time to deal Gleyber. Everyone knows our future is Anthony Volpe at SS and a kid - name your fave - at 2B. I wish Gleyber well. Now, trade him! For whatever you can get. And Setback Sevy. He pitched well last night. Fine. He's a free agent in November. So, trade him! Whatever you can get. DJ? Some team will love to have him. He's a great human being. Whatever you can get! Stanton, Donaldson, Bader, Mr. Perfect... whatever you can get! As long as they are younger... WHATEVER!
Give Oswald Peraza a shot. Give Estavan Florial a shot. Maybe even bring up The Martian. It doesn't matter.
We cannot get worse than this.
And then, Mr. Cashman, do the right thing. Step aside. Find new eyeballs, new algorithms, a new manager, a new regime. Do that, and maybe we won't go another 15 horrible years, because right now, the Yankees are trapped in a Bill Murray movie, endlessly replaying Punxsatowny Phil's day in the sun. I can't take it. And there is only one word to say. Uncle.
Amen.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHow can I be sure
ReplyDeleteIn a world that Cashman keeps changing?
How can I be sure
Where I stand with you?
Whenever I
Whenever I am away from you
I wanna die
'Cause you know I wanna stay with you
How do I know?
Maybe you're trying to use me
Flying too high can confuse me
Touch me but don't take me down
Haiku Tuesday
ReplyDeleteThe pull string is gone
Mediocrity has won
Hope is a sink hole
Here's an algorithm you can appreciate...garbage in...garbage out...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Professor Irwin C Corey can come up with and explain a new algorithm?
ReplyDeleteIs it all a secret plan to get more ink? (The newspaper kind, not the body art kind.)
ReplyDeleteBe so bad everyone is complaining about the team? Any press is good press as long as they spell your name right.
I mean, how can they be this bad unless they are trying?
Celerino, better than the current algorithms from Foster Brooks.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteNormally, one cannot argue with most of what's posted + contributed here.
However, I don't think 2024 is the correct year on which to focus.
Try 2028. Or 2029. The team could be a lot better by then (for one thing, some of the heavy salaries now encumbering things should be gone). Young people drafted now, and next year, could be -- with the right coaching -- hitting their stride by 2029.
Problem is, there's a decent chance that I will be gone before then.
(No, I'm not a great loss, but then -- I'm not sure I'll be able to see baseball games from where I'm likely to end up).
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJoe
ReplyDeleteHow do you know you're not there already? What could be more hell adjacent than watching this team night after night?
We all pretty much predicted this type of a crap season, but even I didn't see Rizzo falling off the Stanton/Jackie/DJLM cliff, YIKES!
ReplyDeleteKen,
ReplyDeleteHe must have really hurt his neck in that collision. Hasn't been close to the same since.
100% they should sell at the deadline and focus on next year. They just dont have it. Would love to see them pick up a nice piece for Gleyber but if a great offer isn't there keep him. They will be able to shed Donaldson & IKF in the offseason. Bring up Florial, release Cordero if you need to make room. Stop prending like this season is worth saving and all they need to do is make a few moves and wait for Judge.
ReplyDeleteIt's also time to demote Cashman to assitant GM. He's great with the small trades, but has been horrible with nearly every big contract. If his ego can't handle a demotion, hes free to leave.
ReplyDeleteCashman probably owns 5-6 of the top 10 worst contacts of all time.
Joe, it would be a great loss. And I'm sure you will have a better destination than that—it'll be the one where the Yankees didn't fold in 2001, or 2004, and where Brian Cashman is...somewhere else.
ReplyDeletea few observations on this lovely but insanely busy Haiku Tuesday:
ReplyDeleteRizzo continues to impacted by the affects of that concussion - could be another month or two before he's himself again
The world isn't schedule to end* until June 06, 2026, so we can happily continue to root root root until then
It will likely be 112 degrees and smoky on August 24th, so please plan accordingly (thunderstorms are expected later that evening(
Ohtani is getting feisty in his old age
There will be one more Haiku later on today
*per Satan's Almanac - 2021 "Peep what you Sew edition"
It is time for Hal to grow a pair and to get rid of the architect of this mess, Genius Brian Cashman and his analytics Geeks. Brian Sabean and Omar Minaya, who are versed in player development are under contract. Under Sabean, The San Francisco Giants who three championships. Minaya was responsible for several good players coming up through The Met's Farm System and becoming good players. The Yankees have made one World Series appearance since 2003. The Yankees have a thin farm system under Cashman's leadership and loads of "Dead Wood": Stanton, Rizzo and lemieu under Cashman. The Yankees have a puppet and politician in the manager's seat. They own last place for the first time since 1990. The fans have to stop attending Yankees' games. Show the penny pinching owner that you will not accept the Yankees' nonsense. Chants should be started: "Hal Sucks, Cashman Sucks, Boone sucks."
ReplyDeleteReally, what do we have to sell though? Nobody wants overbloated endless contracts. That’s why Torres is an appealing commodity to other teams. Do we trade our prospects for other team’s prospects? There’s really no clear path out of this mess. I fear a winning streak most of all. That would embolden crassman to, you know, GO FOR IT! For me watching Boone sit there and do nothing night after night is the worst cut of all. Even if they dump him, they would surely hire another feckless fool who would perform like a trained seal, a true YES man. We are caught in an endless feedback loop of banality, trapped in a sealed room from which there is no escape.
ReplyDeleteThe problems as I see it is that we have two highly paid superstars, who are in their prime. We have another paid like a superstar who seems to have lost it prematurely and is untradeable. Add to that a pitching philosophy which year after year leaves the bullpen in shambles. Do we REALLY have real assets in the upper minors? Probably not. Had management filled LF in the off-season, cut bait with their analytics superstar Donaldson we could have had a chance to do something worthwhile at the deadline. Oh yeah, Rizzo wrecked his neck. BTW, I keep hearing about how analytics could have saved us from this misery. The GM brought in an army of those guys about five years ago. It is impossible for the layman to evaluate their performance, just as it's impossible to know that the Rays, Dodgers, et al are successful BECAUSE of their analytics teams. Still, we have to have all of the cards to turn up for this bunch to be a contenda in under four years. All that I just wrote about you guys summed up way up the post. Thought I'd have more to say....
ReplyDeleteMine's a tale that can't be told, my sanity I hold dear
ReplyDeleteHow years ago, in days of old, when magic filled the air
Twas' in the darkest depths of The Bronx, my Team played so fair
But Cashman and the Evil Ones crept up and slipped away with her
Ah, there's nothing I can do now
I can't stop this feeling in my heart
Every time I think about my team I think, "We gots to part"
I gotta keep on searchin' for my team
My, my, my, my, team
You guys know where the credit goes... I've got to ramble now
From Twitter:
ReplyDeleteAaron Boone says his involvement in the trade deadline is minimal. He's just waiting for updates from Brian Cashman
In days of old,
ReplyDeleteWhen knights were bold,
And toilets weren't invented,
They did their load
Right in the road,
And WHY THE FUCK DID CASHMAN GET A NEW CONTRACT AFTER LAST YEAR?? HUH? HE'S A FUCKING IMBECILE WITH NOTHING LEFT TO TRADE!! THIS TRADE DEADLINE WILL BE EVEN WORSE THAN LAST YEAR!!!!
On another note...AA, really nice haiku and also nice use of a Young Rascals song. Hey, do you remember those stupid outfits they used to wear? Like on Ed Sullivan? Just embarrassing.
El Duque....what strain were you smoking to have your dreams sullied by these fantasies? Please tell me as I want to indulge in a rolled one or two.
ReplyDeleteJM - Yes I do - thanks RE: The Haiku - and the Rascals were from New Jersey!
ReplyDelete@ JM...As a kid in 1965, I saw the Beau Brummels playing outside of a record store in the Monmouth Shopping Center on the Jersey Shore. They were dressed in outfits consisting of purple pants and vest with a polyester yellow shirt with neck ruffles, and on top of that shirt was an electric green string tie. LOL, it was really awful. But they sounded good in front of a crowd of about 50 playing their hit songs "Cry Just A Little" and "Laugh Laugh".
ReplyDeleteAA, more kudos for your Haikus! I woke up through blood-shot eyes to read your Rascals makeover. Suddenly, I thought I heard William Shatner reciting poetry. I did grin. ;)
ReplyDeleteDuque!
ReplyDeleteNext year? Seriously?
This team, top to bottom, is heading down to Kansas City for THE NEXT TEN YEARS with The Intern at the helm!
Now is the summer of our discontent, made suddenly winter by these sons of bitches.
They should trade Gleyber Torres, Luis Severino, & Domingo German. They should even trade Bader. Put Florial in CF, like they should have done last year or two freaking years ago.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is that Torres appears to have his head on straight right now. That means we'll get more for him.
Sevvy looked good last night. Great, he raised his value for a trade. He'll bring back some good prospects. Ditto with German. Sell when these guys are up there in value.
Those two young starters that we have, Johnny Brito and that other guy whose name I can't remember. We sure could've used them last night in long relief, eh? We should hang on to these young pitchers. When Sevvy and German are gone, we'll need them.
Bring up Rortveldt, Florial, Jasson Dominguez, Austin Wells.
If all goeth well, we could be championship caliber next year. These days, it doesn't take long to go from last place to a World Series Championship. Of course, we'd have to exorcise Cashman first, and then Boone.
Last night, Ohtani up in the 7th with one man on. Damned if I didn't say "walk him". The words were barely out of my mouth when he launched one to tie the game at 3. Boone and the Yankees are allergic to walking the other team's best hitter. That's one of their problems, at any rate.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like they might've found their leadoff man. Oswald Peraza, who never should've been exiled in the first place. I heard Donald Duck has a grade three calf strain. Hopefully, that means he will be on ice for the rest of the year. And hopefully that means that they will buy him out and get rid of him by winter.
Cashman & Co. have done tremendous damage by not bringing up the kids, keeping them up here, and developing them. Florial, Peraza, Brito, plus another starter whose name I forgot, The Martian, Austin Wells, Rortveldt, all of these guys could've been up here and developing. Instead, we get to see the same sad show with bullpen lugnuts like Albert Abreu. I've got nothing against Abreu, but at the same time, we can all agree that he's not going to be an important piece of the future. There are too many below average place holders and old guys clogging up the roster. We could've used this year to develop a lot of new blood. The only new guy is Volpe, who has had mixed results. I say stick with him, though. Volpe has shown some flashes. We have to play the waiting game. But as I said, Cashman & Co. threw this year down the toilet and accomplished absolutely nothing.
Too early for The Martian. He's dropped down to #71 on Baseball America's list (still, damned good for his age), but let's not blow his mind out, in a car... Pretty much everybody on the MLB roster should be "touchable".
ReplyDeleteBTW, like many of you I've been reading Mike Axisa's columns for roughly 15 years, I pay for his blog these days. Best few bucks you'll ever spend in a month. I've never seen him so utterly down on the Yankees. Highly critical of Boone, Cashman, the usual suspects. And man, the stats on so many players over the last couple of months is appalling. Anyway, like many of us he's for keeping a relatively small core of players to build around, and trading who we can, IF they can bring back players who will be assets in the short, and hopefully long-term. None of this sacrificing what's left of the Farm to get into the playoffs. Yep, that sounds like the beginnings of a plan.
With your amazing clarity of vision, and deep understanding of the game please put in your resume' with all the front offices. If you get rejected from those nice front office jobs I'll pay for your postage.
ReplyDeleteSo you are nothing but a loser afraid 😨 of challenging yourself. Then STFU.
ReplyDelete