Write this down: Some existential questions to the universe are not meant to be answered, just as some universal answers to existence are not meant to be questioned. Get it? I mean, a rainout inspires questions...
Cheese. Is it a virus? Is it bacteria? Is it alive? What is it?
Why did Fred Flintstone bother to carry his car? Wouldn't he be faster just running by himself?
If humanity can somehow put peanut butter into pretzels, why can't we end war?
How did gerbils get such a bum rap? I mean, there's nothing wrong with them but - damn.
How can restaurant menus go more than four pages? Christ, by page 3, you forget what happened in the beginning.
Domingo German... WTF?
There are other questions - what was Styx really saying in Mr. Roboto, and why sell the song to car commercials? - but because this is a Yankee site, let's stick with German, who is right now the greatest sporting enigma on the planet.
No other current professional athlete is so shrouded in mystery. Consider:
In 2019, how did he go 18-4 - eighteen and four! - with a meh ERA of 4.04? That's ridiculous. Through the rest of his career, he's never had a winning record, going 13-26. And yet in 2019, the juju gods bestow upon him a record of 18-4. What were they telling us? Why did they choose him?
What happened that night in 2019 when German was accused of abusing his partner? He never faced police charges, yet received one of the harshest penalties given out by MLB. It caused him to miss the better part of two seasons. I'm not suggesting that Yankee fans should be granted access to private matters, but we have never really had a chance to figure out the depths of German's misdeeds.
This season, how did he get caught so obviously, so utterly boldfaced, with sticky fingers? Was he actually cheating, using a banned substance? If so, why didn't he wipe his hands before showing them to the ump? (Not suggesting he cheat - [well, actually, maybe I am] - but wondering how skillful he is at bending the rules?)
What is the deal with the zero on his jersey? How did he pull that off? There haven't been many Yankee Number O's, aside from Adam Ottavino, for obvious reasons. Was it an attempt to play on Domin-GO? If you think about it, the zero doesn't make sense.
What in God's name will he do next? His previous two starts were abominations - 15 runs, two blowouts. Then he throws a perfect game.
So, which is he... the batting practice clown or Mister Perfect? And one more...
Could a masterpiece become a cathartic career moment, or will it be just another unexplainable blip in the cosmos, another glitch in The Matrix?
This world is full of questions. Wither goest, Domingo German?
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ReplyDeleteDuque -
ReplyDeleteHe is a combination of two other pitchers from the DR.
The two Perez brothers, Melido and Pascual. Both capable of great individual outings and even a strong season or two but overall not really that good.
They should trade him.
If you squint real hard, the zero looks like a "D".
ReplyDeleteFred carried the car because Wilma and Pebbles were with him. But, why did they have a TV with no electricity?
Honestly - I think the answer to all the questions being asked simply is:
ReplyDeleteThe Great Gazoo
Almost forgot --
ReplyDeleteHappy Bobby Bonilla Day!
As bad as the Yankees are, at least they're not the Mets!
$1,193,248.20 !
ReplyDeleteAs if - if only - it keeps Armageddon at bay - at least until 2035
Thank Roof for reminding Us
This is hilarious, Duque!
ReplyDeleteAnd...yeah. What DID German do that got him that incredible suspension?
Don't get me wrong. I SUSPECT it was really ugly—slapping or even punching his girlfriend in public—and that he deserved every day of it.
But but but..."suspect" is the key word here.
Had Domingo German run down a toddler while drunk driving—had he sold guns to Al Qaeda—had he poisoned the Central Park reservoir...we would know what he did. The secrecy surrounding this is ridiculous.
In this vein,
ReplyDeleteWhat is a Holy Cow? And why was it singled out of all the ungulates?
Who thought that putting silicone in a person was a good thing?
Why was there a musical group called Boston?
I have no idea how this reality works.
ReplyDelete