1. Grimy hopelessness. Before coming to bat, our desperate heroes found themselves down 4-0, an impossible deficit to overcome. If MLB had a mercy rule, the '23 Yankees' limit should be four.
2. The meaningless gesture. In the eighth, Aaron Judge belted a 2-run homer, making the score 7-3. Didn't matter. Hooray for the Captain, but we needed baserunners - not a blast.
This team seems to be incapable of altering its approach. Everybody just swings away. Who cares what the score is?
3. Squandered heroism. Our bullpen lug nuts threw five shutout innings, keeping the outcome from becoming a football score. Didn't matter. The game was over.
4. The beauty with a dark secret. They had chances to solve her, but in the end, they just chased. Thirteen runners left on base. Eleven strikeouts. That's Chinatown, Jake Bauers.
5. The epic finale. We opened the ninth by putting runners on second and third. Boston began to squirm. The TV announcers - (Apple? WTF? Why am I paying for the YES Network?) - sensed an historic rally. I'm joking, of course. Harrison Bader struck out. Anthony Volpe struck out. Ben Rortvedt popped out. Game over.
A classic modern Yankee defeat. You could feel the ghost of Old George rattling his chains.
Watch out Angels, we're coming for your draft pick, number 12. We're only four losses behind the Mets. Write this down:
This Yankee team will draft in the Top 10. Think of that golden moment next June: "And with the eighth pick, the Yankees select... Cito Brackman!"
I read that Everson Pereira and Austin Wells were a mid game MIA in Scranton. Maybe they are on the way to the Bronx.
ReplyDeleteI'd take that. If we have to watch I'd rather see the kids.
Doug, I’d like to watch anyone not named Stanton.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason ED’s post reminded me of the radio advertisements for movies during the 60s and 70s, distributed on vinyl (a 45) then needle dropped and transferred over to a cart for rotation.
ReplyDeleteSomething sorta like this:
(sfx - birds chirping, energized stadium crowd noises, upbeat organ music)
NARRATOR: (a familiar voice, but oddly monotonal - as if burdened with the knowledge of what’s to come)
“An innocent, happy young child joins his parents for a wonderful afternoon at the ballpark.
Or will it be…”
(sfx - an Umpire yells YOU’RE OUT! followed by a huge crack of thunder, loud booing, jeering fans, sinister organ music and a sobbing child intertwined with Michael Kay maniacally repeating SEE YA! SEE YA! SEE YA! - rising, rising, rising until sudden silence followed by a loud, piercing SCREAM!)
NARRATOR:
“DEATH BARGE 2023 - There’s no predicting…how low it will go…….Suzyn!
(sfx - blood curdling SCREAM!)
NARRATOR:
“Rated R - no one under 17 admitted without a parent or guardian.”
Brilliant, Duque! Loved it—particularly "The beauty with a dark secret" part.
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ReplyDeleteThis team seems to be incapable of altering its approach. Everybody just swings away. Who cares what the score is?
"
The story of every season for the last 13 years
Rufus, it is their only redeeming quality
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ReplyDeleteAt least they're consistent Rufus
Volpe's a good illustration. He hit well at high A, low A, AA, but finally gets to the Yankees suddenly can't hit for shit. Then comes the chicken parm where Wells tells him to go back to his old AA stance - his old stance! - and he starts hitting again (relative to how bad he was earlier). So the Yankees must have changed him from the closed to open stance, get him to pull more, swing from the backs of his shoes. Why fuck with him?
They suck.
ReplyDeleteThere was another Ben Ruta article on the NY Post: https://nypost.com/2023/08/17/yankees-trying-to-make-everyone-the-same-player-with-analytics-ben-ruta/
ReplyDelete"Ruta mentioned one specific analytic that the Yankees, he said, relied heavily on, which was hit-effects OPS.
The stat focuses on exit velocity and launch angle to come up with a projected OPS while eliminating luck as a factor, Ruta explained.
“The problem I have with this metric is strikeouts do not dock you and you see that because they use this in the minors and they use this to make free agent decisions,” Ruta said. “So they’re signing guys and they’re making trades based off this."
So there you have it. Everyone, take a moment to pat yourselves on the back. We all guessed that this was what was going on. There is a very simple remedy. Only the Yankee analytics morons are so stupid they could never think of it. Every strikeout should be scored as a ZERO exit velo for that at-bat. Then you can calculate the true average exit velo. What would Stanton's average exit velo be with all his strikeouts? 60 mph?
It was over before I was done with work. It was a tender mercy. So looking forward to having Thursday off.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Hammer. What a bunch of morons.
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