The Death Barge has 13 tomato cans left on the schedule: three with KC, three with the Pitts and seven with the Tigers. If we only win when Gerrit Cole pitches, we could still lose 10.
Impossible, you say? Setback Sevy is back, with Carlos Contusion right behind. DJ LeMahieu has reclaimed his stroke, and Anthony Rizzo can now do multiplication tables. This lineup will get hot and win two - hell, maybe three! - in a row... and ruin everything.
Well, I dunno about that. I see Jackie Donaldson running OF sprints, while Giancarlo Mendozaline is ready to be thrown out at first base by a RF. In terms of pitching, we have Cole... and then what the Beatles once considered to be "the walrus." We have nothing. Yesterday, we were nearly no-hit. Today, the Rays will score two runs in the first, and if we're lucky, MLB will unveil its new Mercy Rule.
To get a supreme draft pick, we are only one godforsaken win behind Cleveland, San Diego and Washington. If we can lose the series to Detroit, we can fly past them and the Mets. Damn, we could even out-tank the perennial tanking Pittsburgh. I BELIEVE!
Yes, I hear you: As Bill Murray said in Meatballs, it just doesn't matter. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER. The Yankees will spend September whispering to selected Gammonites of how much they plan to spend on Ohtani, and then, when the bidding actually starts, they'll finish runner-up. Still, it's fun to think of Hal spending his money, which - when counted -comes closer to infinity than zero.
Lose today, and we could be in the Tanking Top Ten. Congrats, people, and have some tomato.
Hey here's an idea...
ReplyDeleteNo to Othani and his alleged 500 million dollar value for a great DH who will not be able to pitch for at least a year.(And, given that this could be a reoccurring problem, maybe ever again.)
Instead sign Japanese ace Yoshinobu Yamamoto for 200M at the end of this year and then sign...
Munitaka Murakami, from CBS "is the best hitter in the world not employed by an MLB team. He slashed .318/.458/.711 with 56 home runs this past season, breaking Sadaharu Oh's longstanding single-season home run record by a Japanese-born player. Murakami also posts elite exit velocities and is regarded as a solid defensive third baseman." for 200M at the end of next season.
That's 100M savings. Hal can buy a boat! And we get an actual position player to go with the hitting.
Plus Murakami is an M named player. My favorite Yankees are
Mantle, Munson, Mattingly, Matsui... see the pattern?
The tanking sort of doesn't matter because...
ReplyDeleteThe Yankees' 2024 first-round draft pick will drop 10 spots due to exceeding the luxury tax threshold. Rooting for the Yankees to tank will not result in a higher draft pick. The team's draft position does not significantly impact the franchise's plan and future success.
@Doug...makes too much sense...which is why we're not doing that...
ReplyDeleteDoesn't rooting for the NYYs to draft high (or low, or whatever) mean we're putting faith in the Management Geniuses to
a. identify young ballplayers who will mature into stars
b. get lucky enough to sign guys who won't get injured
c. and then be coached into a level of constant success + improvement by minor league managers and wandering minstrels
and then
d. when they get to the major-league level, will NOT be corrupted into pursuing only the three true outcomes?
...and that's just the position players. You want to think about selecting, improving, advancing, and NOT injuring the pitchers the NYYs might find?
And then, of course, we'll quickly take the Monty-type young players and trade them for badminton nets.
You can't take advantage of drafting/signing good talent unless your entire organization changes. The only solution is to ask Elon Musk to populate his entire first mission to Mars with the entire NYY management apparatus -- from Hal down to the guy who does the laundry.
And soon.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing else to root for @ranger. The call-ups? Sure, but there's a better-than-zero chance the Bald Biscuit is showrooming them for an offseason trade for a washed-up outfielder or another middle reliever. Maybe root for Little Game, I guess, if I have to. This time of the year you have to have some glimmer of hope, some reason to check the boxscore in the morning.
Doug, you had me until you mentioned exit velocity.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the draft rankings, they are secondary. The biggest tanking prize would be getting Ca$hole finally fired.
Nothing else matters unless that happens.
Joe, not the laundry guy. I watched the game the other night and all those uniforms looked pretty clean. I think his spin and exit velo rates are just fine based upon what I saw on TV.
ReplyDeleteHal, didn't they teach you the concept of restructuring in MBA programs? Learning how to get rid of dead wood?
When I worked in the corporate world decades ago we had a manager who was all but useless. So they promoted him, gave him a corner office and a raise, AND PUT HIM IN CHARGE OF NOTHING. I used to visit him when I was having difficulty with the Friday Times crossword. He wasn't much help there either, but he was harmless enough when put in charge of nothing.
Hal? Hello? Hal? Hal?
Whilst sipping on my second cup of Sunday morning coffee I began to wonder whether Coney or Cagey were the proper candidates to take over from Boone to be our new Yankee Skipper.
ReplyDeleteI decided to dust off and switch on my massive mental microfilm machine (more Ms for Doug) and flash-scan through all the possible candidates.
After a few more cups of coffee I came upon someone that up to this point I hadn’t thought of because I did think that he had the mental discipline, focus and experience to handle the job.
Maybe I was wrong * :
https://syndication.bleacherreport.com/amp/2469855-david-wells-journey-from-shunned-mlb-bad-boy-to-respected-coach.amp.html
The Bald Biscuit. Made my day.
ReplyDeleteHey, Ranger...okay, so we're both ABC fans. But what did you think of "Beauty Stab" when it came out? Hello, career misstep.
Dick, that's the perfect way to handle a guy like that. Promote him to shut him up, stick him in a nice office somewhere, and forget where it is. See ya.
"And then, of course, we'll quickly take the Monty-type young players and trade them for badminton nets." JFB! Hal can always use more badminton nets. And they don't add to the payroll! Fannnnnntastic.
AA, is Wells still coaching HS? That article was from 2015.
ReplyDeleteI'd take him as manager and completely forget how his Wellsian appetite (Orson, that is) led to him being overweight and developing back issues and bailing out of a crucial postseason game.
Honest.
It won't matter who manages this team. When you suck, you suck and no amount of coaching is going to turn a pig into a prince.
ReplyDeleteI’m wondering…
ReplyDeleteCould we foist Stanton off on the Angels if we eat enough money? They seem destined to lose Oh-Oh-Oh-Ohtani and I’m sure would like to to make a big move to shore up their fan base. (I’ve never met an Angels fan, have you?) Complicating any such deal is the amount of dough Steinsucker would have to eat, probably at least half the contract. Also, Standon has a full no-trade clause, does he want to leave a congenial atmosphere where there is no accountability or responsibility for his declining efforts? Anyway, would the money lovin’ sonofawhore Steingrubber really be willing to eat $60M american? Would adding one of our”prospects” sweeten the deal?
I don’t think this scenario is likely, but the team needs to explore ALL its options. Excising Stanton and willingness to eat the money involved would go a long way to signaling to our fan base that the team is truly committed to change.
Didn't Jerry Reed do that song, If You Suck, You Suck?
ReplyDeleteDickA - you still need someone driving the bus - so it might as well be a fun ride........
ReplyDeleteWells
and
Cone
and
Casey
and
Why Not
@Ranger, you are correct, tanking won’t help our draft position that much, but it might get the insufferable Boone fired. IMHO, I think the team makes a meaningless run at .500 and Boone returns next year. We should drop the tanking ranking, it’s not accurate.
ReplyDelete@Doug, no worries, Ohtani isn’t coming here. But huge YES (not the network) for Murikami in ‘25 ? He is the perfect fit for this team in every conceivable regard, and the team will need to make a splashy move after Cole opts out, which I believe he will. He’s spurned us before…
JM - Wells is likely no longer coaching there - but even if he lasted only a few games - its more experience than Boone had - plus he'd manage drunk - so there's that.
ReplyDeleteAA, since Casey Jones is currently driving that train, it couldn't possibly get worse.
ReplyDeleteHigh on cocaine
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of high on cocaine, our cleanup hitter is batting .111
ReplyDeleteWeird scenes inside the gold mine,
@JM...misstep? I guess they tried to move towards guitars and we didn't like the desired result. At least they took a risk. It's not in my collection so that speaks volumes...lol...
ReplyDeleteGreat ideas, Doug. And I love the idea of a Yankees pitcher named Yamamoto.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm afraid Joe FOB is right. Unless this whole organization changes, it won't matter.
Take a look at the Plight of the Oswaldii. Somehow, Peraza and Cabrera, who seemed like such bright lights just last year, now look like complete flame-outs. Volpe, frankly, is not much better.
ReplyDeleteThis is a pretty good read/video. AJ Pierzynski saying the obvious part out loud.
Pig into a prince. Oh my
Excellent first inning so far.
ReplyDeleteI know some Yamamoto's in Honolulu. Other than being non-drinkers, good people.
After one good game Rodon sucks again. He seems to be here to tango. One step forward, two steps back.
ReplyDeleteGood to see the Rodent brought his A game today.
ReplyDeleteGreat to see DJ hitting again, and nice HRs by Higgy and The Kid.
ReplyDeleteVolpe now has the highest war for batters on the Yankees. Cole is the only player with a higher number.
ReplyDeleteHinckey, I prefer to think of him as Mothra, who seemingly always loses.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the bright side, his ERA actually went down in today's game.
Nice to see Gleyber racing to get that.
ReplyDeleteWait, what?
Yeah, Gleyber Day for Tampa. He completely misplayed that. Easy put.
ReplyDeleteEasy out.
ReplyDeleteHe hurts the team too much to make up for it.
ReplyDeleteYou can only load the bases so many times before something like that happens
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a catchable ball.
ReplyDeleteBad team is Bad.
And they gave him a single in that, much to the chagrin of Hamilton. Earned runs.
ReplyDeletePeralta is the new Kahnle.
ReplyDeleteNice fat pitch
ReplyDeleteCan’t stand Arozarena. What a fucking narcissistic attention whore
ReplyDeleteAfter coughing up the lead, the Yankees come up and go down quietly - on 6 pitches.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn’t mind having that whore on our side
ReplyDeleteOu now we have the real Kahnle.
ReplyDeleteWhaddya think, we lose 12-4?
Two out and two strikes? Nope, walls him.
ReplyDeleteApparently, our crack coaching staff has run out of mound visits.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t know that was a thing
I hate autocorrect.
ReplyDeleteIf any player deserves to get hit? It’s Arozarena
ReplyDeleteYankees pitchers have hit Rays batters 12 times this year.
ReplyDeleteThe Yankees have been hit twice
The YES website boasts that Rodon "struck out 7 batters in 4 2/3 innings." If that isn't the weirdest claim! "Yes, he almost got to the 5th inning!"
ReplyDeleteYanks' relievers with 5 hits, 1 walk, and 4 hit batsmen so far. What happened? Was everyone just completely, shit-faced drunk last night?
Judge having a miserable day, too. What a dog of a team.
I’d take Yandy and Randy any day of the week. That’s some fire
ReplyDeleteHorace, Judge has struck out 13 times this week. When are they just going to shut home down?
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ReplyDeleteAnother loss. Within reach of 1966.
ReplyDeleteThis one is entirely on Jogginson Torres.
ReplyDeleteOnce we get Donaldson and Rizzo back, everything will be fine.
ReplyDeleteSorry Rufus. You can’t hang the whole thing on him. Yeah, he fucked that, but it was only a matter of time - that’s what happens when your pitchers jeep loading the bases. If it wasn’t Torres, it would have been something else.
ReplyDeleteDick, four runs scored after he walked back to (not)catch the third out.
ReplyDeleteBut, as they say: It was a team effort at tanking.
This just in . . . pay attention now and please say the following out loud using your indoor voices :
ReplyDeleteA LOSS is NOW officially a WIN !
BOOOOING is no longer a SIN !
EVERYBODY stop FROWNING and GRIN !
TO HELL with their never ending SPIN !
Seems like somebody steps in it every night.
ReplyDeleteJudge needs to sit the rest of this season out.
And this team isn’t worth a damn when Cole isn’t pitching.
Good to Carlos Pavano gut out 4 2/3 today. What’s he getting paid $2M an inning? Just like Iron Mike is getting paid $2m a hit.
ReplyDeleteI feel you AA.
ReplyDeleteMike Axisa (River Ave Blues): "The Yankees have to win 20 of their final 32 games to avoid their first non-winning season since 1992. They have won 20 of their last 53 games."
ReplyDeleteel duque it's time:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.playoffstatus.com/mlb/americanlosemagicnumbers.html
The Tragic Number is now 22...
How's that bike chain NY bling doing, Winny?
ReplyDeleteI was tempted to get one myself but I didn't.
Tragic Number now 20…
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ReplyDelete