The "Save Boonie & Cash Drive" is in full swing

When Timmy falls into the well, Lassie rushes off to get help. Back home, she barks in a strategic dog code, and Uncle Herpes yells, "DANG IT, SHE WANTS US TO FOLLOW HER!" They save the kid and celebrate around the still, passing mash and the Good Book, until the uncle takes off his belt and - well, let's just say that children who fall into wells need to know better, right? 

So, here's where the '23 Yankees sit: 

They fell into the well. Nobody's coming. But they're passing the bottle anyway.

They're one victory away from the longest winning streak of 2023, and tonight they play the Tankin' Tigers. Diehard fans are expected to forget that this organization has flopped. We're supposed to celebrate the streak. For the first time since May, the sound of Lassie's joyous barking is filling the Starr Insurance telemarketing phone banks in New Delhi. Dear God, people, load the confetti cannons! We're only a game behind Boston in the loss column! Bark! Bark! Bark!

But it's wrong, so wrong... 

The Yankees aren't unveiling the "Youts" by design. (Also "My Cousin Vinny" came out in 1992; don't they have a more modern cultural reference?) This was never the plan. We spent half the season thinking Aaron Hicks would hold LF, and most of the second half with Josh Donaldson at 3B. The Martian wasn't supposed to arrive in September. As the YES team measures his plaque for Monument Park, you'd think Shane Spencer and Kevin Maas and Gary Sanchez and Greg Bird and - add your own horror names - never existed. Sorry, but I can't help but think the Tigers are closer to their next world series than we are.

With 23 left to play, the '23 Yankees are one game above .500 - and 18 behind in the AL East. Those are tomato can numbers.

A month ago, when the team imploded, our lone hope was that this organization, embarrassed and humiliated, would change its ways. 

That it won't continue as MLB's municipal dump for bloated contracts. 

That it would develop young stars rather than sign thirtysomethings near the ends of careers. 

And that the engineers of this disaster would be held accountable.

Well, so much for that. Five wins, and it's none of the above. Moreover, this streak has been a testament to HRs - solo shots, for the most part - a strategy that has failed. Though it was great to finally - after all these years - tag Houston, beating Detroit is like sending Timmy to bed without supper. Why bother? Detroit could be the next Baltimore. And we'll remain the slogging Yankees. Fifteen years from now, we'll feature Ohtani batting cleanup; he'll be hitting .135. 

Really, I apologize for being such a downer. But when the Yankees win, like last night, everything feels great for about two minutes. Then you look at the standings, and you realize that it didn't matter, not a whit. When Giancarlo homers, he's merely padding his numbers so this year's utter failure doesn't look quite so dark. Somebody, maybe 15 years from now, will look at Stanton's stats and say, "Hey, he wasn't so bad, after all. Let's sign Ohtani! Maybe he'll have a big year!" 

I won't be there for that. But I'm here for this, and believe me: Bark, fucking, bark. Timmy is in trouble.