To learn what went wrong in 2023, Hal Steinbrenner has commissioned an outside auditor. Why wait? Here are the 10 future conclusions.

The Yankee Triple Crown battle continues

Hard to believe 2023 is cooked. Seems like yesterday that New York's Gammonitic scions of scripture were rejoicing over the looming Yankees-Mets world series. 

Crazy times, back in March. The House GOP was learning the joy of pissing on McCarthy, DeSantis was discovering the taste of his feet, and Hunter Biden! Hunter Biden! Hunter Biden! Now, here we are - as expected - with Carlos Rodon and Frankie Montas anchoring the rotation, Estevan Florial in CF and Oswald Peraza at 3B. 

A can of tomatoes with a pitching staff of one, and an owner so clueless that he's commissioned an "outside auditor" to count paperclips and suggest changes. 

Yes, it's the famous, old school "outside auditor" strategy of denying corporate incompetence. Pay some Harvard bean-counters to investigate what happened and - wait, oo-oo, jumpin' Jehovisat! I got a idea! A plan! That's what we need! Let's plan to come up with a plan!

Here's  writer Bob Klapisch - the pride of Leonia, NJ - who has been covering the Yankees since 1983... 

[T]he investigation will begin in early October, although interestingly, the company conducting the audit will not recommend personnel changes. The analysis will instead focus on process and how the Yankees compare to other clubs.

I can save the Yankees, YES, the Klap and the Yankiverse a shit-ton of time and money. Here are the audit's future findings. 

1. Golly, after everything that happened, the Yankees just missed a wild card berth.

2. The front office performed valiantly in the face of bad luck.

3. If not for pesky injuries, the team would have won.

4. The real problem is people: They just don't appreciate how hard it is to reach the playoffs year after year. 

5. Frankly, Yankee fans should thank the ownership for his devotion to the city. He could move to another town, where nobody would ever complain.

6. If the Yankees fired Brian Cashman, he'd be quickly snatched up by another franchise, which would be headed toward greatness.

7. Considering the Yankee youth movement, this team looks to be on a path to the 2024 world series.

8. The Yankees don't get out their message well enough. Particularly, the YES announcers and the radio voices - they just harp on about wins and losses. Let's ask these Negative Nellies to provide some good news for a change! 

9. Aaron Boone is a national treasure. That HR he hit against Boston - show it more often.

10. (NOTE: THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT) The auditors have detected one voice within the Yankiverse who has consistently and correctly predicted problems. He writes for an obscure fan web site, and he calls himself "Alphonso." We don't know what he knows, but it is far above anything we can discern. Whoever he is, he should be snatched up and given an office at the Stadium, before Boston or Tampa gets him.