Reportedly, Hal and Cash want Boonie to instill more discipline into the hired hands. Be tougher. No talking. No gum-chewing. No cell phones in class. No eating or drinking near the deep end. And watch that facial hair, dammit! Apparently, some people seem to think their mustaches are more important than the rules. The number one rule will be:
Obey. All. Rules.
Speaking on behalf of the Yankiverse...
We. Are. Screwed.
I mean it. Screwed. This franchise is brain dead. It just suffered the most embarrassing season since the 1990s, and its apparent reaction will be to post inspirational bumper stickers in the showers. I can imagine conversations on the mound, when the newly reprogrammed Boone walks out with his hook.
"Skip, if you give me a chance, I can get this guy."
"Clay, if 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas."
"Uh-huh? So..."
"It's a short walk from the penthouse to the outhouse."
Yeah, discipline. That's the ticket. Tell the hitters to start hitting. Maybe yell at them. Call them "sissies." That's what the outside audit will demand.
The Yankees are like a 50-foot electric cord so knotted-up that it looks like mating orange snakes. It'll take hours to untangle, by moving the ends backwards through the knots. It will take the Yankees two years to untangle this wretched $250 million mess. And nobody is coming to the rescue - not The Martian, not Drew Thorpe, not Anthony Volpe, and certainly not a newly re-engineered Aaron Boone.
All we can do is root for MLB to experience a full-on disaster: A world series between the Diamondbacks and Twins, the ratings equivalent of a new Ace Bigalow movie. Maybe then, the Powers That Be, who have spent the last 30 years trying to undermine the Yankees, will somehow secretly cut us some slack. This franchise is good at making knots. It doesn't have a clue how to untangle them.
One word should not be in the mix. Brain. The Yankees hierachy aRE BRAINLESS.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, when I read about this in the NEWS I sort of imagined that the Yankees coaching staff’s uniforms would have to undergo a bit of a design overhaul - taking on more of a militant, dominatrix look to support this change - with Boooone’s redesign being the most extreme.
ReplyDeleteInstead of the typical rounded topped baseball cap, Booooone’s would be more of a police officer’s flat topped service cap, complete with the interlocking NY. I’m currently working on the rest of the uni design’s look and feel and will share when ready - but I’m sure it will need to include a heavier belt/waist setup to support the dual holsters and utility sacks.
Holstered there would be a cherry sticked rider’s crop and a can of pinstriped pepper spray.
The dual utility sacks would allow for seed and bubble gum stowage.
Fishnet baseball socks and stiletto cleats are currently under consideration.
More to come so stay tuned….
Get the butta...
ReplyDeleteFar too late for any disciplinary tactics, these guys are all millionaires. Boone is a sycophant by nature anyway. He couldn’t discipline a dog. I’d rather see them relax all the rules anyway. He’s spent 6 years covering for the players and kissing their asses. Why anybody wants to play here anymore is beyond me.
ReplyDeleteAA...undoubtedly, you will soon be doing critical research at Madame Valerie DuBois' House of Pain.
ReplyDeleteEl Duque...that Rob Schneider movie was so forgetful that you forgot the title. It was "Deuce Bigelow".
Ace Bigelow must have been the prequel.
ReplyDeleteCarl J WWW...
ReplyDeleteThat's what the Internet is for . . .
Bruh Jeter/A-Rod providing commentary on Game 1 of Baltimore/Texas....Throwing shade at the current state of the Yankees and Boone....painful and true
ReplyDelete@ AA, "militant, dominatrix look" WHOA!!! I like this!!! No, I LOVE THIS!!!
ReplyDeleteOf course, they'd have to hire some hotties to wear this stuff. Can't wait to see the designs!
Thinking back to when I was a wee little laddie, barely four years old, I remember watching Batman and Robin reruns on t.v. My faves were always the ones with Cat-Woman. Every one of her episodes, she'd get Batman and Robin all tied up, and prancing around meowing whilst wearing those tight spandex suits, tall and beautiful brunette with those never ending legs. She made a bad boy out of me! Good times!
AA,
ReplyDeleteI thought *this* site was what the internet is for.
Damn Roofus - you were never supposed to say that….
ReplyDeleteWhilst rummaging through the box scores and play by play of the entire 162 game, the full insanity of Aaron Boone dawned upon me. You know that, whenever someone had a good game or two, all of a sudden , in the next game, that guy was batting leadoff, or #3, or #4? Like Volpe has a good couple of games hitting #8, then all of a sudden Boone hits Volpe in the leadoff spot or the #3 slot. What the hell is Boone's problem?
ReplyDeleteThis guy does not know how to manage. He's an IDIOTA!!! He has no business being in the dugout. He is not qualified to clean the gum off the dugout floor, let alone manage a major league baseball club.
It is an embarassment that this guy is a former major league ball player. He of all people should know that ballplayers need some stability. Jerking everyone around the lineup is not conducive to success. Hitting one game in the 8 slot, then going to leadoff in the next game, then going to #5, then to #3. Boone managed like the 21st Century Schizoid Man.
No one is going to rail against Boone. Because he is an extraordinarily great ass kisser and baby sitter. What ballplayer would not want to be excused and stroked after a bad game? Rodon shows up to work looking like a fat sack. Nobody chewed him out. That's Boone's job.
In Game 25 on 4/26/2023, Aaron Judge tries to steal third base in the second inning, with a 5-0 lead, and injures his right hip. Boone needed to tell Judge, BEFORE game 1 of the season, that he's not stealing without Boone's green light. And that green light should NOT be given, unless there are extraordinary circumstances. The Yankees could not afford to lose Judge, for any part of the season. That injury turned out to be an ill omen, a precursor of things to come.
There is no point listening to what Judge, Cole or any of the players want. If I was GM, this idiota would be outta here triple pronto.
Boone won't be a loss. But the Yankees' new regime is idiotic. THAT's what they think the problem was? Guys goofing off?
ReplyDeleteThey will not be good again in our lifetimes.
Watching Rolaids attempting to blow a one run lead…lol
ReplyDeleteSomehow he got out of it…
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like Brian, whispering to select sportswriters in a campaign to keep his job, by pinning the blame on Boone.
ReplyDeleteDiamondbacks sunk their teeth into the Dodgers, Phils beat the Braves. I love it; let chaos bloom!
ReplyDeleteJust hoping that the Twins and O's can rally.
Heaney, Gray, Eovaldi, Hicks, Chapman, Montgomery...cash-offs everywhere in October. How does this guy have a job? "Can't make it in NY" is bullshit. "Talent squandered by piss poor talent management" more like it.
ReplyDeleteExactly, Publius!
ReplyDeleteTo add to the pain, Hicks went from a slash line of .188/.263/.261/.524 with the Yankees in 2023, to a slash line of .275/.381/.425/.806. Dang, 87 point jump in batting average. 118 point jump in OBP and a 164 point jump in slugging!
ReplyDeleteNo wonder the team's BA was the second worst in baseball. Not only do they miseducate and develop prospects poorly. They turn good hitters into bad ones, with their laughable, one-dimensional, one-size-fits-all, hitting philosophy.
Their "three true outcomes" are strikeout, fly out and grounding into a double play.