Bad Trade Day: Welcome back Jordan Montgomery, Sonny Gray, Joey Gallo, Harrison Bader and all your favorite ex-Yanks, as the team relives its worst recent deals. Featuring special guest Gleyber Torres?
Brian Cashman Talking Key Ring Night: First 10,000 in attendance receive limited edition key ring, featuring some of the plucky GM's favorite sayings, such as "FUCK!" "BULLSHIT!" and "YOUR LAUNDRY IS READY, MR. S."
Hal Steinbrenner Click-Clack Night: For disinterested owners everywhere! First 5,000 in attendance will receive a collectors' edition, Yankee engraved, 12" tall desk click-clack toy, providing countless hours of wasted diversion. Yanks lose? Who cares? Click-clack...
Brian Cashman Wash-His-Mouth-Out-With-Soap Night: Before the game, the beloved Yankee GM will rappel down from the right field upper deck, and then wash his mouth out at home plate with a bar of Irish Spring.
Analytics Night: Yanks will be honored by the American Association of Nerds, who will bestow personal achievement awards in Exit Velo, BABIP, WAR and DWAR. Featuring the rock band GWAR.
I believe we're just scratching the surface, no?
What about the souvenir slot machine that never wins, but pays out anyway (just not to any of the fans)?
ReplyDeleteEl Duque - Good ones. And may I humbly add.
ReplyDeleteFind The Game Night
This Yankee home game honors the team's cable partners by not taking place in Yankee Stadium. Is it at Citi Field? Met Life? Somewhere else in Jersey? The Yale Bowl? Good luck finding it.
Soccer Ball Day
The first 10,000 kids 14 and under are given a tennis ball sized soccer ball sponsored by Arby's, "We've Got The Balls" to cross promote Hal's soccer ventures.
Old Timers Game
Responding to criticism about no longer having the Old Timers play a game the Yankees are bringing it back, with a twist. It's actually the regular game. They will just make sure DJ and Rizzo are starting.
The ceremony prior to the game will honor the Yankee medical staff including Stanton's Chiropractor, Stanton's Yoga Instructor, Judge's podiatrist, Rizzo's MRI tech, and six guys who perform Tommy John surgery from a van.
"...six guys who perform Tommy John surgery from a van."
ReplyDeleteIs that the Yankees' pitching development team?
LOVE it, Duque, love it, Doug! I'd go to some of those games...if I could find them.
ReplyDeleteDon’t forget TV Guide Night! First 18,000 “guests” receive a Special Edition guide on how to watch* all the games!
ReplyDelete*channel subscriptions NOT. Included.
Good, good post. Great post, actually.
ReplyDelete"Bad Trade Day" - that's a winner.
And we old folks like to say that, "Every day is bad trade day in the Bronx."
Here's nice, loud Bronx cheer to "Fuckin' Brian" and Hairy Hal.
Yankee Paddle Day - The first 15,000 fans will receive a Yankee Paddle sponsored by Pfizer and A1 Padel...good for S&M activities...
ReplyDeleteBrian Cashman Genius Night. Shave your head, enuciate cute sayings.
ReplyDelete2 more Brian Cashman giveaways:
ReplyDeleteBad Rappel Night- " Oh no, event gone wrong! Turn the tables on this would-be Spiderman by hanging him upside down by the ankles from your very own miniature duplicate Landmark Square high-rise. The first 10,000 fans get in on the action. Be one of the first 1000 fans and receive the free accessory tube of liquid blood and brain matter."
Kneeling Cashman Figurine Day- " See how easy it is for this baby to bend at the knees! Praying for the next trade to be a winner? Nope, he's on his knees ready to blow Hal Steinbrenner. Comes complete with a wiping rag! The first 1000 fans only get in on this surefire collectible!"